Tremendous Iranian Invasion: A Text Misadventure

Oval Office There is the Resolute Desk here, along with a few gold-plated chairs. The presidential seal is in the middle of the room and there is a full-length mirror upon the wall. > PUSH BUTTON A valet enters and hands you a Diet Coke. > INVADE IRAN You are not able to do that, yet. > GO RIGHT MAGA Right You are firmly on the right of the political spectrum. Elon Musk is here. Tucker Carlson is here. > GO RIGHT Extreme MAGA You are on the absolute furthest right edge of the political spectrum. Laura Loomer is here. Nick Fuentes is here. > INVADE IRAN You are not able to do that, yet. > TAKE VACATION Mar-a-Lago You are at your beautiful club in Florida. Kid Rock is here. There is a box of classified documents in the bathroom. > GO RALLY Campaign Rally You are at an airplane hangar in Pennsylvania, along with a massive crowd of patriots and the Fake News media in the back. There is a teleprompter here. > READ TELEPROMPTER You ignore the teleprompter and complain about the water pressure in modern showers for twenty minutes. In the distance, Iran enriches uranium to 60% purity. > READ TELEPROMPTER You ignore the teleprompter and discuss how windmills are destroying the birds. Iran enriches uranium to 90% purity. > GO HOME You fly on Trump Force One back to the White House. Oval Office > GIVE SPEECH Who do you want to give the speech to? > TRUTH SOCIAL You type the speech in all caps on your phone. > INVADE IRAN You are not able to do that, yet. > THREATEN ALLIES You threaten to pull out of NATO and tell European countries they need to pay their bills. Emmanuel Macron is here, looking exhausted. > INVADE IRAN (Leaving NATO first.) You are not able to do that, yet. > FIRE EXPERTS "The generals don't know what they are talking about. I know more about drones than anybody." > CAPSLOCK DIPLOMACY "TO THE LEADERS OF IRAN: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE." > APPLY MAXIMUM PRESSURE You sanction everything in Iran, including the pistachio farmers. > IGNORE INTELLIGENCE You replace the Director of National Intelligence with a loyalist from cable news. Your plan to attack Iran now has the backing of zero international allies, but the base loves it. > INVADE IRAN Tehran Airspace You enter Iranian airspace, having launched a massive, beautiful, perfect wave of tactical strikes. You can't seem to find the promised regime collapse, but the footage of the explosions looks tremendous on social media! > GIVE CONTRACTS Who do you want to give the contracts to? > ELON What kind of contracts do you wish to give to Elon? > NO-BID LITHIUM MINING You give the no-bid extraction contracts to Tesla. > DECLARE VICTORY "We had a perfect strike. Many people are saying it was the most successful military operation in history." > STAY COURSE The situation in the Strait of Hormuz deteriorates. > EXAMINE MISSION The mission is tied up in asymmetrical proxy warfare. > STAY COURSE The situation in the Strait of Hormuz deteriorates. Some drone swarms arrive. > STAY COURSE The situation in the Middle East deteriorates. Global shipping halts. > DO TARIFFS You apply a 200% tariff on any country that complains about the inflation spike. The situation in the Middle East deteriorates. Some ballistic missiles arrive. > STAY COURSE The situation in the Middle East deteriorates. Gas hits $9.00 a gallon. > SCORE Your favorability rating is 38% out of a possible 100%. > ADMIT MISTAKES Syntax error. Command not recognized. > ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY Error 404: Concept not found in database. > BLAME DEEP STATE "The radical left Marxist generals completely botched the beautiful plan I handed them." > QUIT Oh, how we wish you would. Inspired by http://bit.ly/42rw5X6