7 ms·
Surely there must have been underlying tensions in that marriage. (I don't feel at all confident in that statement; I am requesting reassurance.)
by throwanem 6mo ago
Surely there must have been underlying tensions in that marriage.
(I don't feel at all confident in that statement; I am requesting reassurance.)
- MontyCarloHall 6mo agoThey are pretty good friends of mine and I never sensed any tension. It really was a marriage-ending bolt out of the blue, like discovering an affair or severe financial infidelity.
- throwanem 6mo agoI don't really want to say "thank you." That story, more to the point that I can't find a priori cause to doubt it, makes me glad I'm about to go enjoy a gorgeous spring afternoon full of birdsong and sunshine. But I appreciate your taking the time to follow up.
- gopher_space 6mo agoI mean the simplest way to look at this is that he's just wrong about the couple being happy.
- throwanem 6mo agoI was married for a decade. Little of that was happy. (We both made the mistake of marrying each other, then compounded it by both being afraid to be first to admit to having noticed.) Everyone noticed - and of course I've seen it from the other side, too, many times. You can't hide when people are together who don't want to be. That always shows.
- lazyasciiart 6mo agoThis is like saying that of course people could tell Ted Bundy was a psychopath, it always shows.
- throwanem 6mo agoOne might insightfully argue the whole point of the psychopath is precisely that it doesn't show. I recommend Cleckley, whose definition is seminal in The Mask of Sanity, [1] originally 1941 but prefer his 1988 fifth edition especially for its rather disconsolate preface. But even a cursory review of either will trivially show the comparison does not hold. [1] https://gwern.net/doc/psychology/personality/psychopathy/1941-cleckley-maskofsanity.pdf https://gwern.net/doc/psychology/personality/psychopathy/194... - despite the filename, this is the 1988 edition. I like my paper edition (I made my paper edition) but the PDF will serve well enough for your reference here.
- lazyasciiart 6mo agoOne might equally insightfully consider that psychopaths get married.
- throwanem 6mo agoBegin your reading on page 346, at the heading "Pathologic egocentricity and incapacity for love." After that, review Section Two for its many examples of psychopathic (mis)behavior in the marital context.
- lazyasciiart 6mo agoBro. You cannot “always tell”. Get over yourself and whatever you are citing to support that ridiculous claim.
- throwanem 6mo agoThat was never my claim, but I can see how much it means to you.
- senordevnyc 6mo agoSorry, no. I was married 18 years and then divorced. Some people weren’t surprised, many were. Ditto for other couples I’ve seen divorce. You can never know what goes on behind closed doors in someone else’s marriage.
- throwanem 6mo agoIt gets easier with time. Try not to develop AI psychosis before it does. I have had the regrettable privilege of seeing that close at hand quite recently, and it looks like something that can get to be extremely difficult to come back from. Like digging a hole so deep, you end up pulling it in after you.
- satvikpendem 6mo agoAs an outsider you wouldn't know though.