11 ms·

> are you really going to cut a good friend off for not repaying a loan? In my experience nobody asks me, their friend, for a (nontrivial) loan unless they've

> are you really going to cut a good friend off for not repaying a loan? In my experience nobody asks me, their friend, for a (nontrivial) loan unless they've exhausted more conventional lines of credit. Bank loans, credit cards, getting their parents to bail them out. The friends who I'd rely on to pay their debts don't need $500 from me to help cover their rent this month. And the friends who are already struggling with credit card debt ain't good credit risks, and don't need more debt added to the pile. I'd sooner just gift them the $500 in the first place.

strken 7mo ago
I just loaned a friend $1k for rent and I have no idea whether he'll ever pay it back. I agree that it's healthier to think about it as a gift that may or may not make its way back. Not being repaid is possibly a reason not to lend him any more money. I don't see it as a reason to cut contact with him, though.
- fragmede 7mo ago
  It's about framing, really. Alice and Bob go into a building. They walk out of the building, but Alice is $500 richer. What happened in the building? We have zero idea. We can project all sorts of assumptions as to how Alice walked out of there $500 richer, but based on the information given, you'd be inventing details as to why. Thus, if you read this comment, you owe me $5, payable via nothing, because money is a construct anyway. So if you can afford to, give your friend a monetary gift. If they can't repay you, and you can't afford to not have that money, then you can't afford to lend them that money and you have to learn to say no.
- farfatched 7mo ago
  I feel like the moral dilemma is less significant if you're in a position to give out loans as gifts. The moral dilemma might be more significant if the amount is large enough to worry you. Suppose a close friend needs $50k for medical treatment, but it's $50k you had saved to pay for your child's university, and they promise to pay you back gradually so it's in time for your child to start university, but meanwhile they don't pay any back, and instead spend their income on a fancy car. I think it would be challenging to remain friends with that person.
- dummydummy1234 7mo ago
  I generally think it's better to phrase it as a gift. My motto, is that people have helped me a lot in life, with time, resources and sometimes money. If I loan money, I explicitly do not expect to be repaid, and will generally say, pass it on. Also it's often not the loaner side who cuts off contact. But if the person who receives the loan cannot repay it, and every time they talk to you, they feel guilty and think about it. They might just start avoiding you.

strken 7mo ago

I just loaned a friend $1k for rent and I have no idea whether he'll ever pay it back. I agree that it's healthier to think about it as a gift that may or may not make its way back. Not being repaid is possibly a reason not to lend him any more money. I don't see it as a reason to cut contact with him, though.

fragmede 7mo ago
It's about framing, really. Alice and Bob go into a building. They walk out of the building, but Alice is $500 richer. What happened in the building? We have zero idea. We can project all sorts of assumptions as to how Alice walked out of there $500 richer, but based on the information given, you'd be inventing details as to why. Thus, if you read this comment, you owe me $5, payable via nothing, because money is a construct anyway. So if you can afford to, give your friend a monetary gift. If they can't repay you, and you can't afford to not have that money, then you can't afford to lend them that money and you have to learn to say no.
farfatched 7mo ago
I feel like the moral dilemma is less significant if you're in a position to give out loans as gifts. The moral dilemma might be more significant if the amount is large enough to worry you. Suppose a close friend needs $50k for medical treatment, but it's $50k you had saved to pay for your child's university, and they promise to pay you back gradually so it's in time for your child to start university, but meanwhile they don't pay any back, and instead spend their income on a fancy car. I think it would be challenging to remain friends with that person.
dummydummy1234 7mo ago
I generally think it's better to phrase it as a gift. My motto, is that people have helped me a lot in life, with time, resources and sometimes money. If I loan money, I explicitly do not expect to be repaid, and will generally say, pass it on. Also it's often not the loaner side who cuts off contact. But if the person who receives the loan cannot repay it, and every time they talk to you, they feel guilty and think about it. They might just start avoiding you.