It sounds like you are in a hole that you can't get out of. Yet still you vow to never work on anything but what you want to work on. Part of me wants to cheer

It sounds like you are in a hole that you can't get out of. Yet still you vow to never work on anything but what you want to work on. Part of me wants to cheer for you, but the other part of me wants to slap you on the face repeatedly. Look, the fact that you want to work on your passion, despite what seem to be very considerable setbacks, is very respectable. But you're willing to beg, and to be homeless, for that? Is that why you're alive? Cursing Germany for being somehow repressive of poor people? This to me is more indicative of the author than of anything about Germany. I think Germany is a pretty soft country, all things considered (as an American living in the Czech Republic, I'm there a lot, even going there tomorrow). Look, you need to get a boring job and start trying to take part in society, at least to a point where you can begin to live on your own terms. I want to sympathize with you but something tells me you need more tough love than sympathy and cash. The fact that your own mother doesn't support you - well, that must hurt. I'm sorry for that. I wish you better fortune in the coming days. But you have to make it yourself.