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I just call them. I dont think you have to reach out and send a “hey I have question is it okay to ask”-style entering-the-chat messages. The overarching proble

I just call them. I dont think you have to reach out and send a “hey I have question is it okay to ask”-style entering-the-chat messages. The overarching problem is that everyone started treating communication as a formal business letter.

germinalphrase 7mo ago
I agree, but the social norm (for a lot of young people) is not to call spontaneously - at all, ever. Giving people a heads up helps, and then consistently following through, is a step that helps make it happen.
- righthand 7mo ago
  Nah, just call them randomly and leave a message. I’m not going to have a whole social protocol for sending a phone call. If they don’t answer or call back it’s a lost cause communicating with them. I once dated someone who “didn’t just leave the house for any old outing” and it became exhausting trying to figure out the protocol for what qualified as a worthwhile outing. It was easier to just dump the person instead of playing this little “no you’re holding it wrong” game of comms.
  - germinalphrase 7mo ago
    You’re overthinking my recommendation. It’s a one-time comment to set expectations. Nothing more.
    - righthand 7mo ago
      You’re underthinking my counter-reccomendation. What you’re proposing “respond or don’t” is already a given if you send the preemptive message or not. Therefor a waste of time because you could just be initiating the relationship instead. People aren’t more likely to respond because you send them a “i wanna talk” message.
  - johnnyanmac 7mo ago
    >If they don’t answer or call back it’s a lost cause communicating with them. I mean, people are busy and schedules don't always align. Seems like the onus is on you if you expect another friend to answer whenever you feel like calling. Even with my parents we will check with each other via text before we call (being on a time zone difference doesn't help)
    - righthand 7mo ago
      Then call them again! It doesn’t have to be a one time lottery.
      - cindyllm 7mo ago
        [dead]
    - 63stack 7mo ago
      If the schedules align they will pick up, if not they will see the missed call and call back when they have time.
mettamage 7mo ago
Yea me too. Calling with my friends is actually a big part of my friendship

germinalphrase 7mo ago

I agree, but the social norm (for a lot of young people) is not to call spontaneously - at all, ever. Giving people a heads up helps, and then consistently following through, is a step that helps make it happen.

righthand 7mo ago
Nah, just call them randomly and leave a message. I’m not going to have a whole social protocol for sending a phone call. If they don’t answer or call back it’s a lost cause communicating with them. I once dated someone who “didn’t just leave the house for any old outing” and it became exhausting trying to figure out the protocol for what qualified as a worthwhile outing. It was easier to just dump the person instead of playing this little “no you’re holding it wrong” game of comms.
- germinalphrase 7mo ago
  You’re overthinking my recommendation. It’s a one-time comment to set expectations. Nothing more.
  - righthand 7mo ago
    You’re underthinking my counter-reccomendation. What you’re proposing “respond or don’t” is already a given if you send the preemptive message or not. Therefor a waste of time because you could just be initiating the relationship instead. People aren’t more likely to respond because you send them a “i wanna talk” message.
- johnnyanmac 7mo ago
  >If they don’t answer or call back it’s a lost cause communicating with them. I mean, people are busy and schedules don't always align. Seems like the onus is on you if you expect another friend to answer whenever you feel like calling. Even with my parents we will check with each other via text before we call (being on a time zone difference doesn't help)
  - righthand 7mo ago
    Then call them again! It doesn’t have to be a one time lottery.
    - cindyllm 7mo ago
      [dead]
  - 63stack 7mo ago
    If the schedules align they will pick up, if not they will see the missed call and call back when they have time.

mettamage 7mo ago

Yea me too. Calling with my friends is actually a big part of my friendship