4 ms·

Once I graduated from school, I found it hard to make friends. My mid-20s were very lonely when I moved for work. A few things I did: I periodically had roomm

by gwbas1c 7mo ago

Once I graduated from school, I found it hard to make friends. My mid-20s were very lonely when I moved for work. A few things I did: I periodically had roommates. This wasn't the same experience as a college roommate, but at the time it helped with the loneliness. I started going to tech meetups. (I lived in Silicon Valley.) This ultimately was where I met most of my friends. (When I worked from home,) I would occasionally work out of a hacker space. After I changed jobs, I remained a member and went to social events. This was where I met the rest of my friends. I volunteered. --- Some things that didn't work for me, but might work for you: I tried going to church. (In my case I found a hippy interfaith that focused on world religions instead of Christianity.) This didn't last very long for me for reasons that I won't discuss here; but if you find a community that you like, it can work wonders. Churches are fundamentally social organizations. I went to Burning Man twice. The community operates similar to a church. For various reasons, it didn't work for me, but if you're on the same wavelength of a Burning Man or "local burn" group, it can work for you. I would often sit at the bar for 1-2 hours in the afternoon and have 1-2 beers. Sometimes I had great conversations, but it never lead to friendship.

busterarm 7mo ago
I was surprised not to see the roommate suggestion more in this thread. I guess it's highly dependent on where you're at culturally, as I can think of many regions where this wouldn't be normal. After ~15 years of living alone I just took on a new roommate myself in my 40s. It's a friend of a family member who is half my age and needed a better living situation. I'm in a house that's too big for me and this kinda works. I'm still adjusting and largely an introvert but this more than scratches my social itch and gives me an excuse to cook more/better food.
- markdoubleyou 7mo ago
  Agreed, roommates were huge for me before I started a family. I have a strong tendency to become a hermit, and having another human in the vicinity is just enough healthy social pressure to snap me out of it. Forces me to wash the dishes and do normal human things. Also very important for me: I always have some decent clothes hanging in my closet that are washed, prepped and ready to go for various situations. Not having something nice to wear for a last-minute social event is a massive source of friction, but if I can easily throw on some clothes that I feel good about then it really dials up my enthusiasm.

by gwbas1c 7mo ago

busterarm 7mo ago

I was surprised not to see the roommate suggestion more in this thread. I guess it's highly dependent on where you're at culturally, as I can think of many regions where this wouldn't be normal. After ~15 years of living alone I just took on a new roommate myself in my 40s. It's a friend of a family member who is half my age and needed a better living situation. I'm in a house that's too big for me and this kinda works. I'm still adjusting and largely an introvert but this more than scratches my social itch and gives me an excuse to cook more/better food.

markdoubleyou 7mo ago
Agreed, roommates were huge for me before I started a family. I have a strong tendency to become a hermit, and having another human in the vicinity is just enough healthy social pressure to snap me out of it. Forces me to wash the dishes and do normal human things. Also very important for me: I always have some decent clothes hanging in my closet that are washed, prepped and ready to go for various situations. Not having something nice to wear for a last-minute social event is a massive source of friction, but if I can easily throw on some clothes that I feel good about then it really dials up my enthusiasm.