Onion news would put that better: "The fucking goddamn shit called air that had been working since the first heavier-than-your-ass airplane just stopped working

Onion news would put that better: "The fucking goddamn shit called air that had been working since the first heavier-than-your-ass airplane just stopped working yesterday, american scientists are flabbergasted, and you douchebags must be sure as heck too!"