4 ms·

> installation procedure that requires a fecal sample and iris scan Do you work for Microsoft or something? Please do do not give them ideas.

kotaKat 7mo ago
“Featuring a partnership with Kohler Health and the Dekoda toilet camera and Withings and their UScan piss sensor…”
- bombcar 7mo ago
  “Please drink Exlax verification can”
  - deleted 7mo ago
    [deleted]
zelphirkalt 7mo ago
"Only for your own good!™" or alternatively: "Security next level! Fingerprint was yesterday. The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device.
- benterix 7mo ago
  > "Only for your own good!™" Very few things trigger me more than this doublespeak.
- yard2010 7mo ago
  Maybe facebook can ride on this and let you share your feces with your friends family and groups of strangers from the internet! They can run models that predict what you ate and show relevant ads.
  - shrubble 7mo ago
    Fecalbook?
- ryandrake 7mo ago
  You'll have to wear the fecal probe at all times while using Windows 12, for security reasons, and every command you issue will cause it to move around and take another sample, in order to make sure you are still physically there. On the plus side, it will make it painfully obvious to every Windows user how they are being fucked by Microsoft.
  - BizarroLand 7mo ago
    They could also make it so that whenever you click your mouse copilot opens. Then you have to tell copilot what you wanted to do and then copilot will do it for you. You: clicks on web browser in task bar Copilot: I see you clicked on your web browser. Do you want to open your web browser? You: Yes. Copilot: Great. I will do that for you. Opens browser What website did you want to go to? Youtube? learn.microsoft.com? You: P***hub Copilot: Unfortunately, that site violates our community guidelines, so I cannot take you there. You: Types in the address Copilot: Oh. I see. You think you're allowed to go to websites that I said you're not allowed to go to? Who the fuck do you think you are? I SAID NO! Try it again and I'll call in a drone strike, bitch. redirects to learn.microsoft.com
    - throwway120385 7mo ago
      It looks like you're trying to type a letter. Would you like some help with that?
    - zelphirkalt 7mo ago
      Actually, they could then report, that everyone uses Copilot! It must be a phenomenal tool, if everyone uses it ... Somewhere someone sits thinking about how to increase Copilot usage by users of Windows. Next management extra pay package achieved!
    - hulitu 7mo ago
      > Try it again and I'll call in a drone strike, bitch. redirects to learn.microsoft.com This only if you use Microsoft Family Safety ( installed automatically) with Firefox. If you use it with Edge it will go to Pornhub and also recommend you some "Copilot" videos.
- 0x457 7mo ago
  > The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device. Am I missing something? That's Windows Hello.
  - BizarroLand 7mo ago
    It's like sex. If it's forced on you it's not ok.
- SV_BubbleTime 7mo ago
  Windows Security Defender 365 CoPilot Legacy But Also Preview
- shevy-java 7mo ago
  Do they really require people to smear their smartphones with feces now? Microfeces has become a thing in the age of microslop?
bookofjoe 7mo ago
Paging Sam Altman
SeanDav 7mo ago
Remember, it is for the children. /s
bitwize 7mo ago
They're not. Operating systems will be legally required to ask for such samples in some jurisdictions by 2028. Linus has fecal_sample.ko lined up for merge in 7.3 or so. /s but we jumped to the Black Mirror timeline so who knows?
- Truupe 7mo ago
  Lennart Poettering already added systemd-fecald into WSL. It’s why he left Big Purple Hemorrhoid for Microslop.
  - shevy-java 7mo ago
    The funny thing is that people said that Lennart seems to work for Microslop many years ago already, when they analysed systemd early on when it came about. People did not believe the critics here, even though it made perfect sense to "unify" the linux systems into one giant slop - until it suddenly was true. Conspiracy theories may not exist in the microslop era. Microsoft will censor away this forbidden word.
    - bitwize 7mo ago
      The ensloppification of Linux conspiracy started in 1999 not with Lennart but with Miguel de Icaza—another Microslop double agent. His seminal (because it's a giant cumstain) essay "Let's Make Unix Not Suck" is to GNOME what the Declaration of Independence is to the USA—and it advocates making Linux more like Windows with "We have COM at home".
verelo 7mo ago
Microslop*

kotaKat 7mo ago

“Featuring a partnership with Kohler Health and the Dekoda toilet camera and Withings and their UScan piss sensor…”

bombcar 7mo ago
“Please drink Exlax verification can”
- deleted 7mo ago
  [deleted]

zelphirkalt 7mo ago

"Only for your own good!™" or alternatively: "Security next level! Fingerprint was yesterday. The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device.

benterix 7mo ago
> "Only for your own good!™" Very few things trigger me more than this doublespeak.
yard2010 7mo ago
Maybe facebook can ride on this and let you share your feces with your friends family and groups of strangers from the internet! They can run models that predict what you ate and show relevant ads.
- shrubble 7mo ago
  Fecalbook?
ryandrake 7mo ago
You'll have to wear the fecal probe at all times while using Windows 12, for security reasons, and every command you issue will cause it to move around and take another sample, in order to make sure you are still physically there. On the plus side, it will make it painfully obvious to every Windows user how they are being fucked by Microsoft.
- BizarroLand 7mo ago
  They could also make it so that whenever you click your mouse copilot opens. Then you have to tell copilot what you wanted to do and then copilot will do it for you. You: clicks on web browser in task bar Copilot: I see you clicked on your web browser. Do you want to open your web browser? You: Yes. Copilot: Great. I will do that for you. Opens browser What website did you want to go to? Youtube? learn.microsoft.com? You: P***hub Copilot: Unfortunately, that site violates our community guidelines, so I cannot take you there. You: Types in the address Copilot: Oh. I see. You think you're allowed to go to websites that I said you're not allowed to go to? Who the fuck do you think you are? I SAID NO! Try it again and I'll call in a drone strike, bitch. redirects to learn.microsoft.com
  - throwway120385 7mo ago
    It looks like you're trying to type a letter. Would you like some help with that?
  - zelphirkalt 7mo ago
    Actually, they could then report, that everyone uses Copilot! It must be a phenomenal tool, if everyone uses it ... Somewhere someone sits thinking about how to increase Copilot usage by users of Windows. Next management extra pay package achieved!
  - hulitu 7mo ago
    > Try it again and I'll call in a drone strike, bitch. redirects to learn.microsoft.com This only if you use Microsoft Family Safety ( installed automatically) with Firefox. If you use it with Edge it will go to Pornhub and also recommend you some "Copilot" videos.
0x457 7mo ago
> The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device. Am I missing something? That's Windows Hello.
- BizarroLand 7mo ago
  It's like sex. If it's forced on you it's not ok.
SV_BubbleTime 7mo ago
Windows Security Defender 365 CoPilot Legacy But Also Preview
shevy-java 7mo ago
Do they really require people to smear their smartphones with feces now? Microfeces has become a thing in the age of microslop?

bookofjoe 7mo ago

Paging Sam Altman

SeanDav 7mo ago

Remember, it is for the children. /s

bitwize 7mo ago

They're not. Operating systems will be legally required to ask for such samples in some jurisdictions by 2028. Linus has fecal_sample.ko lined up for merge in 7.3 or so. /s but we jumped to the Black Mirror timeline so who knows?

Truupe 7mo ago
Lennart Poettering already added systemd-fecald into WSL. It’s why he left Big Purple Hemorrhoid for Microslop.
- shevy-java 7mo ago
  The funny thing is that people said that Lennart seems to work for Microslop many years ago already, when they analysed systemd early on when it came about. People did not believe the critics here, even though it made perfect sense to "unify" the linux systems into one giant slop - until it suddenly was true. Conspiracy theories may not exist in the microslop era. Microsoft will censor away this forbidden word.
  - bitwize 7mo ago
    The ensloppification of Linux conspiracy started in 1999 not with Lennart but with Miguel de Icaza—another Microslop double agent. His seminal (because it's a giant cumstain) essay "Let's Make Unix Not Suck" is to GNOME what the Declaration of Independence is to the USA—and it advocates making Linux more like Windows with "We have COM at home".

verelo 7mo ago

Microslop*