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My wife and I live above a bar frequented by tourists and the bartender is a friend of mine. When it isn’t busy, I’ll usually go down there order a soda and ju
by raw_anon_1111 9mo ago
My wife and I live above a bar frequented by tourists and the bartender is a friend of mine. When it isn’t busy, I’ll usually go down there order a soda and just talk to whoever shows up. The easy opener once the conversation starts is “what keeps you busy?” and keep the conversation going. This lets them talk about work, family, hobbies or whatever else they like to talk about
I read a book that said you should try something new to you at least every quarter if not more often. It gives you something to talk about.
While my wife and I are empty nesters and at point where we travel a lot and we do the digital nomad thing in spurts so we can always talk about travel or more often ask “what’s the most interesting place you’ve been to”/“What’s interesting about where you live” etc, it doesn’t have to be travel.
And just to be clear, it’s always either guys I am striking a conversation with or couples. There is no way for a 50 year old married guy to talk to a woman alone at the bar without coming off like a creep.
On the other hand, I try not to talk about politics or religion. What’s the point?
- CuriouslyC 9mo ago> There is no way for a 50 year old married guy to talk to a woman alone at the bar without coming off like a creep. Not true. You have to engage in a way that signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers. For example, if you're having a conversation with your bartender friend and you need a female perspective to settle a disagreement, and you ask for it without fully "engaging" with her, that'll work fine. Once she's been pulled in you will have to keep hooking her into the conversation with interesting tidbits, but eventually most women will just keep talking.
- verall 9mo ago> signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers he said "_without_ coming off like a creep"
- CuriouslyC 9mo agoMaybe if you do it very very wrong. I suppose you're imagining some swaggering jerk putting her down and acting self important, that's your mistake.
- LiquidSky 9mo agoNo, it's very much yours and the way you phrased it. Perhaps you didn't mean it this way, but you sound like some kind of "pickup artist" type giving advice on "negging" women.
- CuriouslyC 9mo agoSince I didn't mention how to do anything, seems like he was projecting his biases on my words. Pretty sad that "be someone worth talking to" and "don't project neediness" are somehow owned by the manosphere now. No wonder people are marrying chatbots.
- verall 9mo ago> "be someone worth talking to" and "don't project neediness" Doesn't come off like a creep. > signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers Comes off like a creep. One that cannot tell the difference probably comes off like a creep.
- PaulHoule 9mo agoI am not big into going to bars but I'd say post-50 I have no problem talking to women and not being a "creep". Somehow I am really avuncular and rarely perceived a sexual threat. When I was younger I had more of that problem and was intimidated by beautiful people, a month ago I shook hands with a former Miss America. Attraction does sometimes come up with women who are 10 years younger than me but otherwise I think it is a non-issue.
- raw_anon_1111 9mo agoI am not either for the most part by myself. It just so happens that I live in a vacation area where my wife and I are the only permanent residence of a condotel (https://www.investopedia.com/terms/c/condotel.asp https://www.investopedia.com/terms/c/condotel.asp). I go down to hang out with the bartender. It’s mostly guys and couples getting away from their kids after spending all day at the parks (Orlando). The bar is literally downstairs from where we live. My wife and I also usually sit at the bar when we go somewhere and just talk to people whenever we go out.
- v17 9mo ago> I read a book that said you should try something new to you at least every quarter if not more often. It gives you something to talk about. Any chance you remember the name?
- marcd35 9mo agonot OP and not sure of the book but if you're interested in material like this, check out Derek Sivers' work - usually revolves around stepping outside your comfort zone, exploring new ideas, etc. https://sive.rs/n https://sive.rs/n
- raw_anon_1111 9mo agohttps://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships...
- deleted 9mo ago[deleted]