6 ms·

'Success' As an Asian male, even though I might be highly educated, make a comfortable amount of money, own properties, be a productive citizen (blah blah blah

by colmvp 14y ago

'Success' As an Asian male, even though I might be highly educated, make a comfortable amount of money, own properties, be a productive citizen (blah blah blah), nothing softens the blow of hearing women (both Asian and non-Asian) saying they'd never date an Asian guy or saying Asian guys aren't attractive. Or seeing advertisements/movies that always show mixed couples as White male - Asian female. Or watching 21st century American movies/TV shows that still typecast Asian men as asexual action stars / comedic relief. If I had to choose between either this 'success' or being a white male with less success, I'd easily choose the latter.

nostrademons 14y ago
This basically sucks, but it's the nature of the dating game. People have a right to be attracted to the people they're attracted to, even if that involves excluding an entire race. It's depressing to see all the match questions on OKCupid that say "Do you strongly want your mate to be of the same race as you: Yes", but that's the way it goes. I've also found that there are many white women who say they're not interested in Asian guys, but when the right guy comes along, they suddenly change their mind. I have several white female friends that never considered dating an Asian guy and are now dating/engaged/married to one. My parents were an Asian male and a white female, and I'm dating a white girl.
- anonri 14y ago
  > It's depressing to see all the match questions on OKCupid that say "Do you strongly want your mate to be of the same race as you: Yes", but that's the way it goes. Yep, you should never rely on online dating as an Asian guy in the West. It's a complete waste of time. > I've also found that there are many white women who say they're not interested in Asian guys, but when the right guy comes along, they suddenly change their mind. The key is to meet women in real life and deemphasize your race as much as possible. Of course, you will still have to be that much better than a white guy in other categories (be personable/funny, be in shape, be wealthy, dress nicely) to make up for your race, but meeting women face-to-face makes it much more difficult for them to just outright dismiss you. This is because that latent racism feels much more acceptable to women when they're sitting alone, in private, in front of their computer. On the other hand, when they're in a public social setting, they (just like everyone else) feel judged by society. For an Asian guy who wants to date white women, that social pressure is the best weapon for combating racism. After breaking past that initial barrier, the rest is up to the individual.
  - nathos 14y ago
    Relevant data from OKCupid: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/ http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-...
subsystem 14y ago
Status symbols change over time.
rayiner 14y ago
> nothing softens the blow of hearing women (both Asian and non-Asian) saying they'd never date an Asian guy or saying Asian guys aren't attractive This complaint is common, but I also find it a little bizarre. Do ugly women get super offended when guys all want to date attractive women?
- barry-cotter 14y ago
  Yes. Older women also get offended when men want to date younger (looking) women.
- potatolicious 14y ago
  > "Do ugly women get super offended when guys all want to date attractive women?" I've seen it, so without speaking for the entirety of a gender: sure, it happens. Getting excluded from the dating pool because of something you have little/no control over fucking blows, I can see why anyone would be pissed. Applies to anything - age, race, attractiveness, you name it.
rubashov 14y ago
Your comment is dripping with insecurity and braggartry. I'm sure your problem is your race, yep, that's it.
noname123 14y ago
Stop complaining. As a card-carrying member of Asian-American yuppie stereotype, I live in the rapidly gentrifying area of East Cambridge, MA. Most of the inner-city kids who live nearby don't have a slightest clue about SAT, much less career-ambitions like BigLaw, med school or engineering school. Guess who else is lowest on the sexual hierarchy? Inner-city black women. But we all fixate on the attractive Asian and Caucasian chicks in downtown clubz or the Stanford/MIT types who lead "interesting" lifestyle (and with of course lucrative career-paths). What about all the Chinese/Indian migrant workers who are working in the coastal cities, scaling the sexual hierarchies and self-actualization aren't even in their consciousness. Yea, I guess if we are talking about a 6ft+, good looking WASP guy who graduated from HYPS working in the Left Coast in finance/law/finance/management. Shit, if I was an Asian girl or gay, I'd get on that gravy train too! But maybe I shouldn't announce it for fear of being coming off too crass in public? Get over it, human nature is crass - human beings are the most predictable robots.
- JDShu 14y ago
  Also, poor people in Dorchester shouldn't complain because they have it much better than people in the developing world. Obviously it's a matter of degree. The poster is complaining about a real phenomenon.
  - noname123 14y ago
    I agree it's a real phenomenon. I and my buddy go out a lot in Boston to pick up chicks, we get blown out 80% of the time right away, then conversation/interaction dies 80% of the time before we ask for number, then chick flakes 70% of time after text, then interest dies on first date 70% of the time. Well, but if you get past that all these probabilities and first date, well, the chick is pretty into you that you pretty have to shoot yourself in the foot to screw it up. You just have to be persistent and shameless. Mostly shameless. Chris Paul is only 6ft tall and he's one of the elite players in the NBA. Also see Nate Robinson (5ft 8), Allen Iverson (6 ft), Isiah Thomas (5ft 8) who at one point scores 15+ pt. What these guys lack in height, they make up for in speed, ball-handling, shooting and playing smart. In fact, there are plenty of guys in the NBA who are 7-footers who are slow-footed, can't shoot and can't play and purely there for their size (see Kwame Brown, Michael Olowokandi, all 1st draft picks). Now ever seen WASP frat boys hollering their fraternity alphabets, rich boys crusing in their Porsche, Maserati's or preppy guys in ivy league schools clutching onto their Andover/Exeter letter jackets, well those are the Kawme Brown/Kandiman of the world. Let them go to Goldman Sachs/Skadden/McKinsey whatever and I'm sure the groupies, both the Asian-wanabe's and the high-society gold-diggers will follow that well-beaten path. You and I, bro, we are the lucky one's. We have been dealt the hand of having the opportunity to actually better our circumstances without falling back to a silver spoon that was put in our mouth at birth. I agree, Asian chicks are shallow but so are we. But what doesn't change is that human beings are crass animals. In high schools, they'll love the QB in home-coming games but in mid-twenties, they'll try to get their way desperately into high-society cocktail parties full of doctors and lawyers. So don't caught up in this whole rat-race pretension-sexual-socio-economical game. Dont' play the coy game, if you want sex, just ask for it and if she doesn't put out, next her. Same thing goes for raises at the job, more responsibilities professionally or asking your buddy to do some social/recreational activity you want to do. You'll get blown out a lot of times, but that's the whole point. Be honest with yourself; no, it's not the Asian girls you are complaining about but the upwardly mobile, attractive white-washed Asian and white girls that you feel sexually frustrated about. But it's okay, that's what you want to go for; then be prepared to put in the work like CP3 and AI.
charlesju 14y ago
Do not let those that you cannot be with, blind you from those that you can.
- meanJim 14y ago
  This is the best thing that has been said this entire thread. I was born in Beijing, moved here when I was 2, grew up with white friends, dated white girls, a lot of what you cannot do is all in your head. Have confidence with who you are, and what you can offer to a relationship.
barry-cotter 14y ago
It could be worse, you could be a black woman.
starpilot 14y ago
According to one online dating study [1], asian men can compensate with income to appeal to a white woman. An asian guy must make $247,000 more than a white guy for them to have the same appeal to a white woman. [1] page 49, http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/Papers.cfm?abstract_id=895442 http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/Papers.cfm?abstract_id=895442
- jQueryIsAwesome 14y ago
  Or you know... just compensate in old good personality: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64Ixzp94ksw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64Ixzp94ksw (Asian guy in weelchair doing pretty good)
  - starpilot 14y ago
    Physical disabilities garner sympathy, being non-white does not.
    - jQueryIsAwesome 14y ago
      They were not even mad when he stood up to reveal he is not actually disabled; and there are another bunch of videos when they dress as ridicule as possible and still get away with it.
- rayiner 14y ago
  The implication of that study is either that Asian men are really unattractive to white women, or attractiveness is less sensitive to income than people assume.
- jboggan 14y ago
  That's a fascinating paper, thanks.
asian_invasion 14y ago
Yeah, basically it sucks. As another commenter stated, it's just the nature of the game. In this arena, for females, being asian is often an asset, but for males a liability. There's sometimes an elitist air among asian women that they can do "better" than settling for an asian man. At least in my experience, it gets better with age. When women begin favoring stability over excitement/looks, the things you can control become more of a factor such as career, maturity, interests. As long as you're financially stable and reasonably normal (no basement full of blow up dolls) you stand a good chance, I think. Also, this is a tough area for asian guys, but you're going to have to find a way to exude confidence. This is somewhat circular since society is not really reinforcing your self esteem, but it's up to you to break that cycle. In my case, I pretty much gave up on relationships and then they started happening. I guess people seem more secure when they don't care? (Oh, and don't be bitter. Bitter people suck to be around.) I'm married now (to an asian girl) and even though women cannot be blamed for having a preference, I still can't help feeling injustice at this predicament. Anyway, I said "you" in this comment a lot, but I mean it generally and it's written just as some offhand advice for my asian brothers out there. But for you personally, I just wanted to say "I feel ya, bro".
- smugengineer69 14y ago
  As a white male who has dated Asian females in the past (and is currently in a relationship with a white woman, if you must know, and to ward off the inevitable charges of "yellow fever"), I find at least part of this sentiment highly irritating. I'm really not sorry at all for "taking" something from you that you don't "own" to begin with. They aren't "your" women and they can date whoever they want to. They're not "betraying" anyone in dating outside of their race. (I use quotes not to quote you but rather others who have made similar arguments). This basic idea, that you can't even get the women you were entitled to by your birthright, is based on fundamentally flawed assumptions.
  - hazov 14y ago
    I think you read differently from me, I did not saw anything you answered for in the above comment.
chrischen 14y ago
This is probably cultural rather than any objective reason for it. If you go to Asia, you shouldn't have any problems. But here in the West where most people are white, and what's portrayed as handsome and sexy in the media, arts, and culturally significant works like movies will predominantly be white people. I theorize that the reason Asian women will fair a little better is because the society here is still patriarchal and therefore the males are the dominant force in relationships (and they obviously will be much less likely to pick Asian males). This is probably why you see White male - Asian female couples being portrayed more often. A TV show or movie will most likely have a white male protagonist and he will then have his pick of women. Women in the West like to be tanned. Women in the east like to be fair-skinned. The perception of beauty or handsomeness appears to all be subjective. Here are some Asian Male white Female cases: Bruce Lee and his wife Jackie Chan was in a kung-fu movie where he ended up going out with Jennifer Love Hewitt at the end.
- w1ntermute 14y ago
  > If you go to Asia, you shouldn't have any problems. But here in the West where most people are white, and what's portrayed as handsome and sexy in the media, arts, and culturally significant works like movies will predominantly be white people. Actually, if you go to Asia, the same imbalance is found - white men have an amazingly easy time of picking up women there, without even knowing the local language and/or customs. Asian women who have never even left their home countries and can barely speak English see white guys as handsome and sexy. In fact, white guys who couldn't get any action in the West (with white women) find tons of Asian women in Asia who will literally throw themselves at them. This applies to almost all countries in Asia, regardless of wealth - Japan, Korea, China, Taiwan, Thailand, Vietnam, etc. Ever heard of Charisma Man?[0] But can you imagine an Asian guy coming to America and doing the same - not knowing English or anything about American customs but trying to pick up American women? He wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding - he'd be laughed out of the clubs (literally). 0: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charisma_Man https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charisma_Man
  - chrischen 14y ago
    At least in China, I'd think it has to do more with status than necessarily physical attraction. Plus wasn't there a survey that said Asian women preferred their own race more than any other type of women?
potatolicious 14y ago
I hear you, but believe it or not it's slowly but surely changing. On the bright side, "Asian male" in the USA may mean a severe handicap (order of magnitude really) in the dating arena vs. "white male", but it's also a tremendous advantage over "black male", "hispanic male", and "south asian male". All in all as an east Asian, not complaining too much. It could be much, much worse.
- w1ntermute 14y ago
  > it's also a tremendous advantage over "black male", "hispanic male", and "south asian male". Are you joking? I don't know about Hispanic or South Asian, but white girls love black guys.
  - potatolicious 14y ago
    I'm talking about the dating scene, not the hookup scene - OKCupid's own data bears it out, black males get by far the least interest out of any race group. East Asians are stereotyped as effeminate and geeky. Blacks are stereotyped as criminals and deadbeats. World of difference really. They can have the better odds in a club - with my condolences. It's the least they could get for the raw-ass deal they have in every other corner of life.
xenen 14y ago
While there's some truth in what you say, the glass ceiling is mostly within yourself. In my experience, it's been the case that if you are actually taking actions to pursue females be it white or yellow or brown or red, rather than taking a backseat to complain and/or victimize yourself, you'll get somewhere. Provided that you are self-aware enough to learn lessons and improve your game. Also, a lot of white girls by way of social expectations might say things like they are not into Asian guys, but very few of them will actually turn you down if you pursue them, have some game and are not a complainer - certainly no more than the number of rejections white guys will get trying to woo Asian girls. Also, most Asian females are not automatically more attracted to white males - it's highly dependent on their upbringing and aspirations. But if you are mainly into the barbie-doll type of sorority girls, then it's not exactly a surprise that girls like that are shallower than average and are more into money, status and how things look from the outside - all of which are more easily associable with the dominant ethnic group of the country - whites. There's also another subtle detail which is the fact that as Asian Americans males, we've done our fair share of suppressing our women in an environment where they have alternatives, but I'm not going into that in this comment. One last thing I'd also like to add: make sure you are actually Brad Pitt before you go in hot and heavy trying to sweep Angelina Jolie off her feet. Actually even if you are Brad Pitt material it's likely that you'll have to work your way up to Angelina. I've seen too many Asian American guys who were brought up with too much of an introverted ego such that they won't go for the girls who are at their level whom could be a good match but are not 8s, 9s, or 10s. As a result, they flop and flop and flop again and start to believe that they are cursed by their Asian American identify. background: I'm a Chinese guy who came to the US at age 15 not knowing how to speak much English at all with a single mother who was busting her ass getting a Doctorate from UC Berkeley. My current gf of 3 years is of Irish, English and Italian heritage.
deleted 14y ago
[deleted]
bane 14y ago
It's funny, my wife and I were just talking about this a week or so ago...except that we were noticing that things seem to be changing. 10 years ago the only white female-asian male couple we could even think of was Bruce Lee and his wife. These days we personally know of 3 couples in this category and it appears to be growing. But that being said I personally think the qualities of who you see is more important than their race.

by colmvp 14y ago

nostrademons 14y ago

This basically sucks, but it's the nature of the dating game. People have a right to be attracted to the people they're attracted to, even if that involves excluding an entire race. It's depressing to see all the match questions on OKCupid that say "Do you strongly want your mate to be of the same race as you: Yes", but that's the way it goes. I've also found that there are many white women who say they're not interested in Asian guys, but when the right guy comes along, they suddenly change their mind. I have several white female friends that never considered dating an Asian guy and are now dating/engaged/married to one. My parents were an Asian male and a white female, and I'm dating a white girl.

anonri 14y ago
> It's depressing to see all the match questions on OKCupid that say "Do you strongly want your mate to be of the same race as you: Yes", but that's the way it goes. Yep, you should never rely on online dating as an Asian guy in the West. It's a complete waste of time. > I've also found that there are many white women who say they're not interested in Asian guys, but when the right guy comes along, they suddenly change their mind. The key is to meet women in real life and deemphasize your race as much as possible. Of course, you will still have to be that much better than a white guy in other categories (be personable/funny, be in shape, be wealthy, dress nicely) to make up for your race, but meeting women face-to-face makes it much more difficult for them to just outright dismiss you. This is because that latent racism feels much more acceptable to women when they're sitting alone, in private, in front of their computer. On the other hand, when they're in a public social setting, they (just like everyone else) feel judged by society. For an Asian guy who wants to date white women, that social pressure is the best weapon for combating racism. After breaking past that initial barrier, the rest is up to the individual.
- nathos 14y ago
  Relevant data from OKCupid: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/ http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-...

subsystem 14y ago

Status symbols change over time.

rayiner 14y ago

> nothing softens the blow of hearing women (both Asian and non-Asian) saying they'd never date an Asian guy or saying Asian guys aren't attractive This complaint is common, but I also find it a little bizarre. Do ugly women get super offended when guys all want to date attractive women?

barry-cotter 14y ago
Yes. Older women also get offended when men want to date younger (looking) women.
potatolicious 14y ago
> "Do ugly women get super offended when guys all want to date attractive women?" I've seen it, so without speaking for the entirety of a gender: sure, it happens. Getting excluded from the dating pool because of something you have little/no control over fucking blows, I can see why anyone would be pissed. Applies to anything - age, race, attractiveness, you name it.

rubashov 14y ago

Your comment is dripping with insecurity and braggartry. I'm sure your problem is your race, yep, that's it.

noname123 14y ago

Stop complaining. As a card-carrying member of Asian-American yuppie stereotype, I live in the rapidly gentrifying area of East Cambridge, MA. Most of the inner-city kids who live nearby don't have a slightest clue about SAT, much less career-ambitions like BigLaw, med school or engineering school. Guess who else is lowest on the sexual hierarchy? Inner-city black women. But we all fixate on the attractive Asian and Caucasian chicks in downtown clubz or the Stanford/MIT types who lead "interesting" lifestyle (and with of course lucrative career-paths). What about all the Chinese/Indian migrant workers who are working in the coastal cities, scaling the sexual hierarchies and self-actualization aren't even in their consciousness. Yea, I guess if we are talking about a 6ft+, good looking WASP guy who graduated from HYPS working in the Left Coast in finance/law/finance/management. Shit, if I was an Asian girl or gay, I'd get on that gravy train too! But maybe I shouldn't announce it for fear of being coming off too crass in public? Get over it, human nature is crass - human beings are the most predictable robots.

JDShu 14y ago
Also, poor people in Dorchester shouldn't complain because they have it much better than people in the developing world. Obviously it's a matter of degree. The poster is complaining about a real phenomenon.
- noname123 14y ago
  I agree it's a real phenomenon. I and my buddy go out a lot in Boston to pick up chicks, we get blown out 80% of the time right away, then conversation/interaction dies 80% of the time before we ask for number, then chick flakes 70% of time after text, then interest dies on first date 70% of the time. Well, but if you get past that all these probabilities and first date, well, the chick is pretty into you that you pretty have to shoot yourself in the foot to screw it up. You just have to be persistent and shameless. Mostly shameless. Chris Paul is only 6ft tall and he's one of the elite players in the NBA. Also see Nate Robinson (5ft 8), Allen Iverson (6 ft), Isiah Thomas (5ft 8) who at one point scores 15+ pt. What these guys lack in height, they make up for in speed, ball-handling, shooting and playing smart. In fact, there are plenty of guys in the NBA who are 7-footers who are slow-footed, can't shoot and can't play and purely there for their size (see Kwame Brown, Michael Olowokandi, all 1st draft picks). Now ever seen WASP frat boys hollering their fraternity alphabets, rich boys crusing in their Porsche, Maserati's or preppy guys in ivy league schools clutching onto their Andover/Exeter letter jackets, well those are the Kawme Brown/Kandiman of the world. Let them go to Goldman Sachs/Skadden/McKinsey whatever and I'm sure the groupies, both the Asian-wanabe's and the high-society gold-diggers will follow that well-beaten path. You and I, bro, we are the lucky one's. We have been dealt the hand of having the opportunity to actually better our circumstances without falling back to a silver spoon that was put in our mouth at birth. I agree, Asian chicks are shallow but so are we. But what doesn't change is that human beings are crass animals. In high schools, they'll love the QB in home-coming games but in mid-twenties, they'll try to get their way desperately into high-society cocktail parties full of doctors and lawyers. So don't caught up in this whole rat-race pretension-sexual-socio-economical game. Dont' play the coy game, if you want sex, just ask for it and if she doesn't put out, next her. Same thing goes for raises at the job, more responsibilities professionally or asking your buddy to do some social/recreational activity you want to do. You'll get blown out a lot of times, but that's the whole point. Be honest with yourself; no, it's not the Asian girls you are complaining about but the upwardly mobile, attractive white-washed Asian and white girls that you feel sexually frustrated about. But it's okay, that's what you want to go for; then be prepared to put in the work like CP3 and AI.

charlesju 14y ago

Do not let those that you cannot be with, blind you from those that you can.

meanJim 14y ago
This is the best thing that has been said this entire thread. I was born in Beijing, moved here when I was 2, grew up with white friends, dated white girls, a lot of what you cannot do is all in your head. Have confidence with who you are, and what you can offer to a relationship.

barry-cotter 14y ago

It could be worse, you could be a black woman.

starpilot 14y ago

According to one online dating study [1], asian men can compensate with income to appeal to a white woman. An asian guy must make $247,000 more than a white guy for them to have the same appeal to a white woman. [1] page 49, http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/Papers.cfm?abstract_id=895442 http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/Papers.cfm?abstract_id=895442

jQueryIsAwesome 14y ago
Or you know... just compensate in old good personality: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64Ixzp94ksw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64Ixzp94ksw (Asian guy in weelchair doing pretty good)
- starpilot 14y ago
  Physical disabilities garner sympathy, being non-white does not.
  - jQueryIsAwesome 14y ago
    They were not even mad when he stood up to reveal he is not actually disabled; and there are another bunch of videos when they dress as ridicule as possible and still get away with it.
rayiner 14y ago
The implication of that study is either that Asian men are really unattractive to white women, or attractiveness is less sensitive to income than people assume.
jboggan 14y ago
That's a fascinating paper, thanks.

asian_invasion 14y ago

Yeah, basically it sucks. As another commenter stated, it's just the nature of the game. In this arena, for females, being asian is often an asset, but for males a liability. There's sometimes an elitist air among asian women that they can do "better" than settling for an asian man. At least in my experience, it gets better with age. When women begin favoring stability over excitement/looks, the things you can control become more of a factor such as career, maturity, interests. As long as you're financially stable and reasonably normal (no basement full of blow up dolls) you stand a good chance, I think. Also, this is a tough area for asian guys, but you're going to have to find a way to exude confidence. This is somewhat circular since society is not really reinforcing your self esteem, but it's up to you to break that cycle. In my case, I pretty much gave up on relationships and then they started happening. I guess people seem more secure when they don't care? (Oh, and don't be bitter. Bitter people suck to be around.) I'm married now (to an asian girl) and even though women cannot be blamed for having a preference, I still can't help feeling injustice at this predicament. Anyway, I said "you" in this comment a lot, but I mean it generally and it's written just as some offhand advice for my asian brothers out there. But for you personally, I just wanted to say "I feel ya, bro".

smugengineer69 14y ago
As a white male who has dated Asian females in the past (and is currently in a relationship with a white woman, if you must know, and to ward off the inevitable charges of "yellow fever"), I find at least part of this sentiment highly irritating. I'm really not sorry at all for "taking" something from you that you don't "own" to begin with. They aren't "your" women and they can date whoever they want to. They're not "betraying" anyone in dating outside of their race. (I use quotes not to quote you but rather others who have made similar arguments). This basic idea, that you can't even get the women you were entitled to by your birthright, is based on fundamentally flawed assumptions.
- hazov 14y ago
  I think you read differently from me, I did not saw anything you answered for in the above comment.

chrischen 14y ago

This is probably cultural rather than any objective reason for it. If you go to Asia, you shouldn't have any problems. But here in the West where most people are white, and what's portrayed as handsome and sexy in the media, arts, and culturally significant works like movies will predominantly be white people. I theorize that the reason Asian women will fair a little better is because the society here is still patriarchal and therefore the males are the dominant force in relationships (and they obviously will be much less likely to pick Asian males). This is probably why you see White male - Asian female couples being portrayed more often. A TV show or movie will most likely have a white male protagonist and he will then have his pick of women. Women in the West like to be tanned. Women in the east like to be fair-skinned. The perception of beauty or handsomeness appears to all be subjective. Here are some Asian Male white Female cases: Bruce Lee and his wife Jackie Chan was in a kung-fu movie where he ended up going out with Jennifer Love Hewitt at the end.

w1ntermute 14y ago
> If you go to Asia, you shouldn't have any problems. But here in the West where most people are white, and what's portrayed as handsome and sexy in the media, arts, and culturally significant works like movies will predominantly be white people. Actually, if you go to Asia, the same imbalance is found - white men have an amazingly easy time of picking up women there, without even knowing the local language and/or customs. Asian women who have never even left their home countries and can barely speak English see white guys as handsome and sexy. In fact, white guys who couldn't get any action in the West (with white women) find tons of Asian women in Asia who will literally throw themselves at them. This applies to almost all countries in Asia, regardless of wealth - Japan, Korea, China, Taiwan, Thailand, Vietnam, etc. Ever heard of Charisma Man?[0] But can you imagine an Asian guy coming to America and doing the same - not knowing English or anything about American customs but trying to pick up American women? He wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding - he'd be laughed out of the clubs (literally). 0: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charisma_Man https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charisma_Man
- chrischen 14y ago
  At least in China, I'd think it has to do more with status than necessarily physical attraction. Plus wasn't there a survey that said Asian women preferred their own race more than any other type of women?

potatolicious 14y ago

I hear you, but believe it or not it's slowly but surely changing. On the bright side, "Asian male" in the USA may mean a severe handicap (order of magnitude really) in the dating arena vs. "white male", but it's also a tremendous advantage over "black male", "hispanic male", and "south asian male". All in all as an east Asian, not complaining too much. It could be much, much worse.

w1ntermute 14y ago
> it's also a tremendous advantage over "black male", "hispanic male", and "south asian male". Are you joking? I don't know about Hispanic or South Asian, but white girls love black guys.
- potatolicious 14y ago
  I'm talking about the dating scene, not the hookup scene - OKCupid's own data bears it out, black males get by far the least interest out of any race group. East Asians are stereotyped as effeminate and geeky. Blacks are stereotyped as criminals and deadbeats. World of difference really. They can have the better odds in a club - with my condolences. It's the least they could get for the raw-ass deal they have in every other corner of life.

xenen 14y ago

While there's some truth in what you say, the glass ceiling is mostly within yourself. In my experience, it's been the case that if you are actually taking actions to pursue females be it white or yellow or brown or red, rather than taking a backseat to complain and/or victimize yourself, you'll get somewhere. Provided that you are self-aware enough to learn lessons and improve your game. Also, a lot of white girls by way of social expectations might say things like they are not into Asian guys, but very few of them will actually turn you down if you pursue them, have some game and are not a complainer - certainly no more than the number of rejections white guys will get trying to woo Asian girls. Also, most Asian females are not automatically more attracted to white males - it's highly dependent on their upbringing and aspirations. But if you are mainly into the barbie-doll type of sorority girls, then it's not exactly a surprise that girls like that are shallower than average and are more into money, status and how things look from the outside - all of which are more easily associable with the dominant ethnic group of the country - whites. There's also another subtle detail which is the fact that as Asian Americans males, we've done our fair share of suppressing our women in an environment where they have alternatives, but I'm not going into that in this comment. One last thing I'd also like to add: make sure you are actually Brad Pitt before you go in hot and heavy trying to sweep Angelina Jolie off her feet. Actually even if you are Brad Pitt material it's likely that you'll have to work your way up to Angelina. I've seen too many Asian American guys who were brought up with too much of an introverted ego such that they won't go for the girls who are at their level whom could be a good match but are not 8s, 9s, or 10s. As a result, they flop and flop and flop again and start to believe that they are cursed by their Asian American identify. background: I'm a Chinese guy who came to the US at age 15 not knowing how to speak much English at all with a single mother who was busting her ass getting a Doctorate from UC Berkeley. My current gf of 3 years is of Irish, English and Italian heritage.

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bane 14y ago

It's funny, my wife and I were just talking about this a week or so ago...except that we were noticing that things seem to be changing. 10 years ago the only white female-asian male couple we could even think of was Bruce Lee and his wife. These days we personally know of 3 couples in this category and it appears to be growing. But that being said I personally think the qualities of who you see is more important than their race.