I assume the reason it's bland is because it was designed to be translated into a bunch of different languages, most likely to be used across the whole of Europ

I assume the reason it's bland is because it was designed to be translated into a bunch of different languages, most likely to be used across the whole of Europe, if not the Middle East and Asia as well. I would guess the copy wasn't written in English, and whatever message it was intended to convey was lost in translation. It's not quite as bad as the bland multinational ads we get where they have the audacity to dub English over foreign vocals, but it's not far off... Edit: A sample of the latter for the uninitiated: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IqMa7LOtgo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IqMa7LOtgo