3 ms·

I’m sure this is also cultural, but that approach is terrible. Your friend can’t automatically guess you’re lying, not for the first few times, anyway. Of cours

by latexr 9mo ago

I’m sure this is also cultural, but that approach is terrible. Your friend can’t automatically guess you’re lying, not for the first few times, anyway. Of course they’ll believe you if you say you’re too tired to go out. Then they inadvertently catch you or you reject them so many times they start to believe you don’t want to go out with them, not the other friend. All the while they became closer with the other person, who actually did hang out with them. Stop lying. You’re hurting the friendship. If you care about the person, eventually you’ll have to be an adult and explain why you’re not comfortable with the third person.

harrall 9mo ago
You don’t get it. We are all extremely good friends and there is no friendship being hurt. Talking in private is different where we are bluntly truthful. This is how we talk in public. It’s like doing steganography[1] on language. I can pass a secret message to my friend plainly in front of someone else using subtext. And it’s not even contrived most of the time. Sometimes someone inadvertently leaks out subtext by their posture or tone and an observant person can read that the person is uncomfortable or comfortable. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steganography https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steganography
- latexr 9mo ago
  So what you’re describing is a situation where the three of you are together and you want to cut the evening short for yourself because you don’t like one of the people? If that’s the case, I don’t think that was at all clear in your original post. Judging from the downvotes and the other responses, I think everyone assumed a situation like your friend calling you up and saying “hey, want to hang out with me and <person you dislike>?”.
  - harrall 9mo ago
    Yes. And press releases are the same way. There is a literal message but often times there is subtext. They can’t say the subtext literally because it is inherently hurtful and burns a bridge (just like me saying “this guy sucks let’s leave”) so you read between the lines. Outright lying in press releases is different. That’s a company saying “AI caused our company to fail” but actually you invested in the wrong product and don’t want to admit it.

by latexr 9mo ago

harrall 9mo ago

You don’t get it. We are all extremely good friends and there is no friendship being hurt. Talking in private is different where we are bluntly truthful. This is how we talk in public. It’s like doing steganography[1] on language. I can pass a secret message to my friend plainly in front of someone else using subtext. And it’s not even contrived most of the time. Sometimes someone inadvertently leaks out subtext by their posture or tone and an observant person can read that the person is uncomfortable or comfortable. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steganography https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steganography

latexr 9mo ago
So what you’re describing is a situation where the three of you are together and you want to cut the evening short for yourself because you don’t like one of the people? If that’s the case, I don’t think that was at all clear in your original post. Judging from the downvotes and the other responses, I think everyone assumed a situation like your friend calling you up and saying “hey, want to hang out with me and <person you dislike>?”.
- harrall 9mo ago
  Yes. And press releases are the same way. There is a literal message but often times there is subtext. They can’t say the subtext literally because it is inherently hurtful and burns a bridge (just like me saying “this guy sucks let’s leave”) so you read between the lines. Outright lying in press releases is different. That’s a company saying “AI caused our company to fail” but actually you invested in the wrong product and don’t want to admit it.