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> Apologizing for taking time to reply to my email is awkward and makes me uncomfortable. > It also puts a lot of pressure on me: what if I take more time than

• 46493168 8mo ago
  Some of us survive because we have anxiety deeply rooted in a fear of failure. It causes us to be perfectionists. This can look like success for those who hide it well.
  • debo_ 8mo ago
    I have been hospitalized and almost died multiple times from stress-related disorders, so I get it. But as soon as I catch myself putting aspects of my health on the behaviour of other people -- especially for something this small -- it's time for me to start looking inwards.
    • slumberlust 8mo ago
      Is it heroic to look inwards?
      • 46493168 8mo ago
        I don't know about heroic, but it's certainly necessary. Nobody is going to look out for you except you. Work will never love you back, your company will take as much as you give it.
• some_furry 8mo ago
  > If this little thing makes you uncomfortable to the point that you need to write a blog post about it, how do you survive? Not the author, but I'd wager it's an evolving story over many years. At first, you ignore it entirely. It might not even register at first, or if it does, it's just a barely conscious "huh, this interaction makes me feel weird" sort of deal. And you leave it be. But then death by a thousand cuts later, you're irritated by this habit and want to speak out against it. And so, you write a blog post about why it's bad or annoying or whatever. And then you go back to surviving another day.
  • jbstack 8mo ago
    For me the point is that if you feel uncomfortable over something that is widespread and considered normal social etiquette, it's on you to deal with feeling uncomfortable, and you can't really expect everyone else to change their behaviour just for you.
    • some_furry 8mo ago
      > For me the point is that if you feel uncomfortable over something that is widespread and considered normal social etiquette, it's on you to deal with feeling uncomfortable, and you can't really expect everyone else to change their behaviour just for you. Ah, the classic "fuck the neurodivergent" stance.
      • jbstack 8mo ago
        You're taking my comment out of context. This isn't about neurodivergents, it's about someone who thinks everyone should conform to his highly detailed rules (the article isn't only about not apologising - he has other demands on structure, content, and even plaintext vs html) when sending him emails.
      • quesera 8mo ago
        Please describe the alternative stance, and how it scales to societies and casual acquaintences.
      • tsimionescu 8mo ago
        I think the poster above may have accidentally worded their response a little too personally, but their point is valid and not against neurodivergent people (or, at least, there is a version that is close to their argument that is so). It's perfectly fine to ask people to change be careful in their correspondence to a specific person to avoid certain issues. It's not fine, however, even for neuro divergent people, to expect social norms to change for everyone to match their particular preferences. If we read the original article as representing a request from the author to specifically not answer emails to them by apologizing for replying late, that's a perfectly fine request that anyone corresponding with them should follow (once they become aware of it). If we read it as a general recommendation to everyone to change this clear social norm, then it's not fine, the justification given (one person finds this puts some kind of pressure on them, and others might too) is not strong enough to warrant everyone else changing their behavior pre-emptively.