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> It took decades for my wife to finally get through and explain not every problem she voices is something that needs a solution. There is a great YT video on

> It took decades for my wife to finally get through and explain not every problem she voices is something that needs a solution. There is a great YT video on this topic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg It's not about the nail!

gretch 9mo ago
Yeah so far there's not enough nuance in the discussion. I also like to separate between 1) solvable vs unsolvable problems: e.g. you cannot solve a deceased relative. Also 2) first time vs multiple repeat problems If find it very irritate someone is venting to me repeatedly about solvable problems. But if it's a 1 time unsolvable problem, then it's important to be in listening mode.
- calcifer 9mo ago
  You are missing the point, though. The complainer decides whether it's a solvable problem or not, not the listener. So "I'll listen if it's unsolvable (to me)" is a non-starter.
  - gretch 9mo ago
    Well I decide if it’s annoying to me and I’m going to tolerate it or lend support.