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Be careful you don’t end up with people who have constant emotional problems that need fixing - or that you’re 100% sure that you’ll never need to say ‘no’. Spe

• n4r9 10mo ago
  I've heard that's true; compassion and empathy can be a draw for highly insecure people. You need to balance it with assertiveness and self-regulation, which are also part of emotional intelligence.
• Aurornis 10mo ago
  Another pitfall with this approach is when someone has constant emotional but irrational reactions to everything. Being the person who validates their emotions becomes harmful if they’re over-reacting or developing harmful emotional reactions and you’re always there to validate them.
  • Cthulhu_ 10mo ago
    If it becomes damaging to you (the person that is expected to be emotional support), "grey rocking" is the next step. Acknowledge, but don't respond. "uh huh" instead of "I am so sorry" or whatever. Don't take advice from me though.
  • embedding-shape 10mo ago
    > someone has constant emotional but irrational reactions to everything What are "emotions" if not "irrational chemical reactions in our brains"? Seems really strange to decide what it or isn't "irrational emotions" for someone else to have. I, just like you I presume, see myself as a rational and logical person (maybe you're also a programmer), but I also realize that humans are humans, and having irrational emotions is very much part of being a humans, and emotions in general is such a subjective experience.
    • lazide 10mo ago
      If someone stubs their toe, some rage; some anger, etc, might be appropriate. Maybe rational, maybe not. Maybe even yelling at someone nearby. If they go outside and kick a unrelated puppy to get ‘even’? That is when people start to worry. Now the question is, which of these is which?
    • Aurornis 9mo ago
      Everything in your body is a "chemical reaction". Pulling the trigger of a gun is a lot of chemical reactions. That doesn't mean the person isn't guilty. In fact, it's problematic when people start thinking of their emotions as a chemical process that happens to them, outside of their control. A large part of getting people back on track in therapy is getting them to accept that they do have some control over how they react to situations in the world. A lot of TikTok or Reddit style therapyspeak does the opposite: It goes to extreme lengths to try to separate the emotions or negative responses from the person, as if they're an outside force victimizing them. It's comforting to think that, because things that happen to us outside of our control seem like they can't be changed. Getting people to acknowledge that they can and should exert some emotional control over themselves is part of breaking that cycle.
      • n4r9 9mo ago
        You use the word "react" in an ambiguous way; I'm never sure if you mean the emotional response, the subsequent thoughts, or the subsequent behaviour. The latter two we have much more control over, whilst the first must be trained indirectly over a long period of time.
• dapperdrake 10mo ago
  Then their emotions are not their only problem.