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"Be the organizer" assumes a certain baseline of energy, confidence, and emotional resilience. For people who are already lonely, depressed, neurodivergent, bur

"Be the organizer" assumes a certain baseline of energy, confidence, and emotional resilience. For people who are already lonely, depressed, neurodivergent, burned out, or socially anxious, that constant reaching out + rejection tax can be genuinely exhausting, not just uncomfortable

marliechiller 9mo ago
As someone that fits some of the above categories, I think you really have to step back and repeatedly tell yourself "get over it". Its the same mentality to "I dont want to go to the gym today". You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it and wonder why you always drag your feet before.
- astura 9mo ago
  >, I think you really have to step back and repeatedly tell yourself "get over it". Its the same mentality to "I dont want to go to the gym today". You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it No, no, no, it's absolutely not the same, OMG, nothing alike. "I dont want to go to the gym today" isn't the kind of profound, all encompassing, and existential dread that attempting to organize a social event is. Especially when you push yourself to organize and it doesn't work out, which has happened to me before. Those feelings are legitimately nothing alike, the fact someone is comparing the two is wild to me. I do still need to try to overcome it and get over it, but it's not even as remotely as simple as you claim.
- chownie 9mo ago
  > You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it and wonder why you always drag your feet before. When this doesn't happen what do you do?
  - hamdingers 9mo ago
    Try something else until it does. The only other option is to go on being miserable.
    - chownie 9mo ago
      I'm guessing your issues were not so severe if "keep trying things forever and telling yourself to get over it" is the epiphany which helped you, clinical depression doesn't go away that easily.
      - marliechiller 9mo ago
        Not trying to be glib, but whats the alternative other than suicide? Keep trying things you know havent worked?
        chownie 9mo ago
        My winning alternative is not to go online and be the mental health equivalent of that survivorship bias fighter plane image. "Just tell yourself to get over it" is advice that can only possibly work because you didn't actually need it.
        leroy-is-here 9mo ago
        We eventually believe the words we speak about ourselves.
      - hamdingers 9mo ago
        Late reply but in case you come back to this, the thing that helped me out of clinical depression was 150mg of bupropion twice a day for a few years, then I was able to get out of bed reliably enough take up cycling. If you feel you're clinically depressed get diagnosed and treated in a clinical setting ASAP. Diseases need treatment.
- elevatortrim 9mo ago
  These two are not really the same. You generally do not go to the gym and fail, exercising works more or less the same for almost everyone, you get good hormones, you feel good. Socialising, on the other hand, is entirely different. Some people thrive in it, some people feel much more dread afterwards.
UncleMeat 9mo ago
This becomes an unlimited excuse. Even if there were state programs that established and ran these sorts of events and created low-friction ways of interacting with people, people could still say "well that assumes a certain baseline of energy." It is true that somebody who is in the midst of extreme depression and can't get out of bed is probably not going to be able to set up a local dnd game. It is also the case that the large majority of people are absolutely capable of doing this sort of thing.
vibedev 9mo ago
If I may suggest to start small, it doesn't have to be a group of people playing football. I personally like to just meet 1 or 2 people to which I can have interaction with all of them. If I may I made an attempt to crack at this very problem with Tatapp (tatapp.astekita.com). Any feedback is very much appreciated.
Archer6621 9mo ago
I agree. I also don't think forcing yourself to be an organizer is necessarily a solution to fixing the loneliness, as it also just requires a certain passion. In my experience, some people love organizing things, others just really hate it. I am in that last camp, after having organized quite a lot. For me, simply participating with things that are organized by others has done me much more good. Of course, that still requires being in a state of mind where you are able to take initiative with signing up for such group activities.

marliechiller 9mo ago

As someone that fits some of the above categories, I think you really have to step back and repeatedly tell yourself "get over it". Its the same mentality to "I dont want to go to the gym today". You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it and wonder why you always drag your feet before.

astura 9mo ago
>, I think you really have to step back and repeatedly tell yourself "get over it". Its the same mentality to "I dont want to go to the gym today". You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it No, no, no, it's absolutely not the same, OMG, nothing alike. "I dont want to go to the gym today" isn't the kind of profound, all encompassing, and existential dread that attempting to organize a social event is. Especially when you push yourself to organize and it doesn't work out, which has happened to me before. Those feelings are legitimately nothing alike, the fact someone is comparing the two is wild to me. I do still need to try to overcome it and get over it, but it's not even as remotely as simple as you claim.
chownie 9mo ago
> You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it and wonder why you always drag your feet before. When this doesn't happen what do you do?
- hamdingers 9mo ago
  Try something else until it does. The only other option is to go on being miserable.
  - chownie 9mo ago
    I'm guessing your issues were not so severe if "keep trying things forever and telling yourself to get over it" is the epiphany which helped you, clinical depression doesn't go away that easily.
    - marliechiller 9mo ago
      Not trying to be glib, but whats the alternative other than suicide? Keep trying things you know havent worked?
      - chownie 9mo ago
        My winning alternative is not to go online and be the mental health equivalent of that survivorship bias fighter plane image. "Just tell yourself to get over it" is advice that can only possibly work because you didn't actually need it.
        leroy-is-here 9mo ago
        We eventually believe the words we speak about ourselves.
    - hamdingers 9mo ago
      Late reply but in case you come back to this, the thing that helped me out of clinical depression was 150mg of bupropion twice a day for a few years, then I was able to get out of bed reliably enough take up cycling. If you feel you're clinically depressed get diagnosed and treated in a clinical setting ASAP. Diseases need treatment.
elevatortrim 9mo ago
These two are not really the same. You generally do not go to the gym and fail, exercising works more or less the same for almost everyone, you get good hormones, you feel good. Socialising, on the other hand, is entirely different. Some people thrive in it, some people feel much more dread afterwards.

UncleMeat 9mo ago

This becomes an unlimited excuse. Even if there were state programs that established and ran these sorts of events and created low-friction ways of interacting with people, people could still say "well that assumes a certain baseline of energy." It is true that somebody who is in the midst of extreme depression and can't get out of bed is probably not going to be able to set up a local dnd game. It is also the case that the large majority of people are absolutely capable of doing this sort of thing.

vibedev 9mo ago

If I may suggest to start small, it doesn't have to be a group of people playing football. I personally like to just meet 1 or 2 people to which I can have interaction with all of them. If I may I made an attempt to crack at this very problem with Tatapp (tatapp.astekita.com). Any feedback is very much appreciated.

Archer6621 9mo ago

I agree. I also don't think forcing yourself to be an organizer is necessarily a solution to fixing the loneliness, as it also just requires a certain passion. In my experience, some people love organizing things, others just really hate it. I am in that last camp, after having organized quite a lot. For me, simply participating with things that are organized by others has done me much more good. Of course, that still requires being in a state of mind where you are able to take initiative with signing up for such group activities.