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I believe this. My recipe for not burning out is: - lower expectations (my own and everyone else's). I work out the bare minimum that would work for the event

by stevage 9mo ago

I believe this. My recipe for not burning out is: - lower expectations (my own and everyone else's). I work out the bare minimum that would work for the event and do that. People need food. They don't need music. - tell people how to contribute: "bring snacks and drinks", ask one specific person to bring ice. when people arrive I often give specific tasks: "can you find someone to help move the table and chairs into the other room", "can you sort out music" - do it the same way every time so it's less mentally taxing - get a friend to help with setup

strken 9mo ago
Lower expectations is a great tip. I find that the more a group does things, the more everyone chills out. It's like the expectations come from a fear of being judged and from uncertainty. When everyone has information from the last ten events then you don't need to stress anymore, because everyone knows how this one will go and they've all judged one another already.
- stevage 9mo ago
  It helps to remember that you are competing with: no event. If there are other parties happening and you're trying to make a better one, by all means, go all out. But mostly people in their 40s aren't going to many house events, so they're just happy to be somewhere with people. They don't care that you didn't decorate or sweep the floor or prepare an elaborate meal. You made soup and they're thrilled.
  - ethbr1 9mo ago
    I'd also add that first-event nerves (on host and attendee sides) can be an uncertainty problem. No one wants to misunderstand the dress code, social code, etc. Once people have been together, there are now group norms that assuage that (aka "I know what's acceptable to wear and talk about").
sailfast 9mo ago
Absolutely. I throw “open houses” with open hours. There will be some food and company and some booze. Probably music. But in the end everyone brings what they can and it rules. Granted it’s still a lot of effort but it’s low key and I find people prefer that unless it gets enough momentum to become a “thing” haha
K0balt 9mo ago
Ah, success through lowered expectations! This has been my mantra for the last 40 years, and it has worked surprisingly well. I started out with a New Year’s resolution to not intentionally consume significant quantities of human flesh, and have worked my way up from there. It may seem ridiculous, but it’s a form of stoicism adjacent philosophy that presumes nominally more control over one’s circumstances, and it has had excellent outcomes for me. Ratchet forward but expect modest clicks and be delighted when something goes right or someone comes through.
- publicdebates 9mo ago
  > I started out with a New Year’s resolution to not intentionally consume significant quantities of human flesh ծ_Ô
  - nkrisc 9mo ago
    An easily achievable resolution for the vast majority of people.
  - irishcoffee 9mo ago
    Yeah, the phrase "significant quantities of" is really throwing the whole comment for an unfortunate loop. Maybe "I choose not to steal any vehicles" or "I choose not to commit fraud" and work up from _there_ instead of somehow trying to faux-normalize cannibalism. Very strange indeed.
    - tqwhite 9mo ago
      That's why it's funny sourpuss.
      - irishcoffee 9mo ago
        When a stranger posts online joking about cannibalism, you never really know…
        9mo ago
skeeter2020 9mo ago
Agree with this approach. I've hosted a lot of "work adjacent" events over the years, with no real idea what I'm doing. I've always focused on the intent (why do I want to attend?) and a few crux details; everything else tends to work out or is just not that important. It seems to be one of the areas where "fake it until you make it" not only works but might be superior to ultra-planning. Once you've got the gist down, try and find one thing that you can go a little overboard on; it makes it very memorable. Examples: I made a big pot of home-made chili once, and another time we did (what looked like) an extravagant nacho bar. It was both better and way cheaper than typical event food. Definitely enlist an accomplice, but be aware you likely need to (appear to) be the mastermind.
- ethbr1 9mo ago
  > I've always focused on the intent (why do I want to attend?) and a few crux details; everything else tends to work out or is just not that important This was my primary takeaway from some time spent doing higher-end catering front of house. You'd be amazed what absolute fuckups can occur on non-critical stuff... and no one even notices. (Possibly the bride, but that's why we had dedicated bride handlers to appropriately message that kind of stuff)

by stevage 9mo ago

strken 9mo ago

Lower expectations is a great tip. I find that the more a group does things, the more everyone chills out. It's like the expectations come from a fear of being judged and from uncertainty. When everyone has information from the last ten events then you don't need to stress anymore, because everyone knows how this one will go and they've all judged one another already.

stevage 9mo ago
It helps to remember that you are competing with: no event. If there are other parties happening and you're trying to make a better one, by all means, go all out. But mostly people in their 40s aren't going to many house events, so they're just happy to be somewhere with people. They don't care that you didn't decorate or sweep the floor or prepare an elaborate meal. You made soup and they're thrilled.
- ethbr1 9mo ago
  I'd also add that first-event nerves (on host and attendee sides) can be an uncertainty problem. No one wants to misunderstand the dress code, social code, etc. Once people have been together, there are now group norms that assuage that (aka "I know what's acceptable to wear and talk about").

sailfast 9mo ago

Absolutely. I throw “open houses” with open hours. There will be some food and company and some booze. Probably music. But in the end everyone brings what they can and it rules. Granted it’s still a lot of effort but it’s low key and I find people prefer that unless it gets enough momentum to become a “thing” haha

K0balt 9mo ago

Ah, success through lowered expectations! This has been my mantra for the last 40 years, and it has worked surprisingly well. I started out with a New Year’s resolution to not intentionally consume significant quantities of human flesh, and have worked my way up from there. It may seem ridiculous, but it’s a form of stoicism adjacent philosophy that presumes nominally more control over one’s circumstances, and it has had excellent outcomes for me. Ratchet forward but expect modest clicks and be delighted when something goes right or someone comes through.

publicdebates 9mo ago
> I started out with a New Year’s resolution to not intentionally consume significant quantities of human flesh ծ_Ô
- nkrisc 9mo ago
  An easily achievable resolution for the vast majority of people.
- irishcoffee 9mo ago
  Yeah, the phrase "significant quantities of" is really throwing the whole comment for an unfortunate loop. Maybe "I choose not to steal any vehicles" or "I choose not to commit fraud" and work up from _there_ instead of somehow trying to faux-normalize cannibalism. Very strange indeed.
  - tqwhite 9mo ago
    That's why it's funny sourpuss.
    - irishcoffee 9mo ago
      When a stranger posts online joking about cannibalism, you never really know…
      - 9mo ago

skeeter2020 9mo ago

Agree with this approach. I've hosted a lot of "work adjacent" events over the years, with no real idea what I'm doing. I've always focused on the intent (why do I want to attend?) and a few crux details; everything else tends to work out or is just not that important. It seems to be one of the areas where "fake it until you make it" not only works but might be superior to ultra-planning. Once you've got the gist down, try and find one thing that you can go a little overboard on; it makes it very memorable. Examples: I made a big pot of home-made chili once, and another time we did (what looked like) an extravagant nacho bar. It was both better and way cheaper than typical event food. Definitely enlist an accomplice, but be aware you likely need to (appear to) be the mastermind.

ethbr1 9mo ago
> I've always focused on the intent (why do I want to attend?) and a few crux details; everything else tends to work out or is just not that important This was my primary takeaway from some time spent doing higher-end catering front of house. You'd be amazed what absolute fuckups can occur on non-critical stuff... and no one even notices. (Possibly the bride, but that's why we had dedicated bride handlers to appropriately message that kind of stuff)