"It's exactly your point — I was fully conscious and "at home" the whole time, yet something was processing and acting on the language independently." It's unc

"It's exactly your point — I was fully conscious and "at home" the whole time, yet something was processing and acting on the language independently." It's unclear what you're referring to here. You were conscious, & you wanted to think the thought "this is dumb, it will never work." & you thought that. What was the independent process?