Shameless plug, but I just wrote up an article about very similar issues, seems like me and OP are also around the same age. For me this realization was really

Shameless plug, but I just wrote up an article about very similar issues, seems like me and OP are also around the same age. For me this realization was really freeing - bashing my head against "the market" for years, fighting with inconsistent values and expectations. Since I have accepted programming to be a hobby and looking for vocations without all the corporate shingles I am so much happier. https://abelbodis.hu/lovecode.html https://abelbodis.hu/lovecode.html (The whole site is very much in progress)