so by this rational a person can be abused without even being aware of it and seeing no comparable ill effect? Where is the line drawn? Am I abusing my spouse

so by this rational a person can be abused without even being aware of it and seeing no comparable ill effect? Where is the line drawn? Am I abusing my spouse when I decide that we're a bit too over-stretched financially and that we're going to need to skip the surprise Disney World trip that I had planned but hadn't yet told them about? What about if I think they just didn't try their hardest during the family softball competition? Are they abusing me?