4 ms·

This is the sober take. People will try to explain away all kinds of behaviors that violate trust a la "they'll never find out..."

lazide 11mo ago
When a lot of dudes get murdered for it (historically, and currently in many places), there is also a pragmatic aspect. I agree on the immoral part, but I’ve seen so much immoral behavior over the years this seems (relatively) mellow. If you’re in the medical field, you see some wild stuff.
- caminante 11mo ago
  I know what you're saying, but pragmatic doesn't apply here. We're talking about secretly dating a teenager while married with children. This is more than serving "societally taboo" urges on a transactional basis.
  - lazide 11mo ago
    Hey, at least the teenager didn’t get pregnant, and wasn’t related? (Cringe, I know) And also seems pretty consensual, despite the age difference. Also, no one got murdered or blackmailed to cover it up apparently? Or even bullied into leaving town? Any small town has half a dozen or more of these types of stories.
    - caminante 11mo ago
      They do. Coverups aren't exclusive to gays, and coverups are universally condemned because of the dishonesty.
      - lazide 11mo ago
        That’s what I’m saying yes? What is your point?
        caminante 11mo ago
        You were being snarky about blackmail/death threats. It's on you to elaborate your point.
        lazide 11mo ago
        Not being snarky at all. Mind actually saying something clearly? I’ve literally seen every one of the situations I described play out, without a gay person in sight. (Though only attempted murder, not successful) And notably, gay relationships of any gender don’t have a habit of getting anyone pregnant. The described situation in the article is pretty tame by ‘hidden/forbidden relationship’ standards. But then, I used to be a mandatory reporter.
        caminante 11mo ago
        It ties back to your use of "pragmatic", which I don't think applies. Your usage was off, imo. It sounds like we agree in general.
        lazide 11mo ago
        Suppressing what is going on tends to make things come out in even worse ways. If not suppressing it gets you murdered…. Not great. But could be worse, and it seems like it was done mindfully with minimal damage. That’s the pragmatic part. He could have been hooking up with randos at clubs (dramatically higher disease risk), or worse, instead of what seems like a relatively stable (outside) relationship? I’ve seen a lot worse. Not condoning, but the math seems obvious. And his daughter may not like it, but she’s also literally only here because of it. So…. In most of the major Asian cultures, you have a very specifically shaped box to fit in. If you refuse to fit in it, you’ll be hammered on until you do. It’s not a great environment if you’re not box shaped. But society doesn’t particularly care - this was especially true 30+ years ago. Some exceptions of course (Thai, some areas in big cities), but it’s largely still the case.

lazide 11mo ago

When a lot of dudes get murdered for it (historically, and currently in many places), there is also a pragmatic aspect. I agree on the immoral part, but I’ve seen so much immoral behavior over the years this seems (relatively) mellow. If you’re in the medical field, you see some wild stuff.

caminante 11mo ago
I know what you're saying, but pragmatic doesn't apply here. We're talking about secretly dating a teenager while married with children. This is more than serving "societally taboo" urges on a transactional basis.
- lazide 11mo ago
  Hey, at least the teenager didn’t get pregnant, and wasn’t related? (Cringe, I know) And also seems pretty consensual, despite the age difference. Also, no one got murdered or blackmailed to cover it up apparently? Or even bullied into leaving town? Any small town has half a dozen or more of these types of stories.
  - caminante 11mo ago
    They do. Coverups aren't exclusive to gays, and coverups are universally condemned because of the dishonesty.
    - lazide 11mo ago
      That’s what I’m saying yes? What is your point?
      - caminante 11mo ago
        You were being snarky about blackmail/death threats. It's on you to elaborate your point.
        lazide 11mo ago
        Not being snarky at all. Mind actually saying something clearly? I’ve literally seen every one of the situations I described play out, without a gay person in sight. (Though only attempted murder, not successful) And notably, gay relationships of any gender don’t have a habit of getting anyone pregnant. The described situation in the article is pretty tame by ‘hidden/forbidden relationship’ standards. But then, I used to be a mandatory reporter.
        caminante 11mo ago
        It ties back to your use of "pragmatic", which I don't think applies. Your usage was off, imo. It sounds like we agree in general.
        lazide 11mo ago
        Suppressing what is going on tends to make things come out in even worse ways. If not suppressing it gets you murdered…. Not great. But could be worse, and it seems like it was done mindfully with minimal damage. That’s the pragmatic part. He could have been hooking up with randos at clubs (dramatically higher disease risk), or worse, instead of what seems like a relatively stable (outside) relationship? I’ve seen a lot worse. Not condoning, but the math seems obvious. And his daughter may not like it, but she’s also literally only here because of it. So…. In most of the major Asian cultures, you have a very specifically shaped box to fit in. If you refuse to fit in it, you’ll be hammered on until you do. It’s not a great environment if you’re not box shaped. But society doesn’t particularly care - this was especially true 30+ years ago. Some exceptions of course (Thai, some areas in big cities), but it’s largely still the case.