4 ms·

There’s a big difference between changing and lying. I wouldn’t be happy if my spouse lied to me.

by ryanjshaw 11mo ago

pfdietz 11mo ago
I wouldn't be happy either, but I'd be understanding. Everyone is human. Everyone lies, even to themselves.
- ryanjshaw 11mo ago
  Not all lies are equal. Marriage is a contract built on trust and commitment. When you have been lying about that specifically, you have defrauded someone. You’ve stolen time and emotional energy from these people. They can never get those years back. Your children have been deprived of seeing parents role modeling romantic love. They have built their entire world views based on your behavior towards your spouse, which incorporated subtle lies and deception. The victims of your fraud now have to deal with second guessing which things you said might be true and which might be lies - you shatter everything they ever believed throughout the marriage. It is a horrendous thing to put people through. So can I understand why they did it? Sure. But I will definitely judge them for their actions and not support them.
  - ninetyninenine 11mo ago
    [flagged]
  - pfdietz 11mo ago
    It's also built on forgiveness, because no one can possibly not ever need that.
- swat535 11mo ago
  I think you're a better person than I am. Obviously I can only speak for myself here but I wouldn't be so understanding, especially when my partner lied about such a fundamental aspect of their life and joined in a union of marriage with me. I suppose, for me it would feel like the vows they took where not real and the foundation of our life, all the memories, thoughts and feelings were nothing but smoke and mirrors. You're right, we're all humans and life is complex but I think it's selfish to waste your partner's life for years because you can't face the truth. I suppose that a bitter end is better than endless bitterness however.
- cortesoft 11mo ago
  Just because it is human doesn't mean you can't be hurt.

There’s a big difference between changing and lying. I wouldn’t be happy if my spouse lied to me.

pfdietz 11mo ago

I wouldn't be happy either, but I'd be understanding. Everyone is human. Everyone lies, even to themselves.

ryanjshaw 11mo ago
Not all lies are equal. Marriage is a contract built on trust and commitment. When you have been lying about that specifically, you have defrauded someone. You’ve stolen time and emotional energy from these people. They can never get those years back. Your children have been deprived of seeing parents role modeling romantic love. They have built their entire world views based on your behavior towards your spouse, which incorporated subtle lies and deception. The victims of your fraud now have to deal with second guessing which things you said might be true and which might be lies - you shatter everything they ever believed throughout the marriage. It is a horrendous thing to put people through. So can I understand why they did it? Sure. But I will definitely judge them for their actions and not support them.
- ninetyninenine 11mo ago
  [flagged]
- pfdietz 11mo ago
  It's also built on forgiveness, because no one can possibly not ever need that.
swat535 11mo ago
I think you're a better person than I am. Obviously I can only speak for myself here but I wouldn't be so understanding, especially when my partner lied about such a fundamental aspect of their life and joined in a union of marriage with me. I suppose, for me it would feel like the vows they took where not real and the foundation of our life, all the memories, thoughts and feelings were nothing but smoke and mirrors. You're right, we're all humans and life is complex but I think it's selfish to waste your partner's life for years because you can't face the truth. I suppose that a bitter end is better than endless bitterness however.
cortesoft 11mo ago
Just because it is human doesn't mean you can't be hurt.