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I was homeschooled until high school. I couldn’t agree with you more. The value that the socialization the public school offers is underestimated. Learning act

by jfreds 11mo ago

I was homeschooled until high school. I couldn’t agree with you more. The value that the socialization the public school offers is underestimated. Learning activities with other homeschooled kids is ok but not enough. A tight-knit neighborhood of friends is huge, but not enough. You need to develop a thick skin and a sense of self-assurance. I have no counterfactual of course, but I think much of the social anxiety I’ve had to unlearn as a young adult came from homeschooling. And I had great circumstances

pyuser583 11mo ago
I was horribly bullied in high school. It was really bad. The worst part was being ostracized. The school had anti-bullying policies, but they don’t force anyone to be your friend. Strangely, I was elected to lots of student government office, and held leadership in lots of clubs. Maybe my memory is just off, but I don’t think so. I think I was really good connecting with the grownups who ran the school, so they made sure I got leadership positions. I was always much better at being the kid in class the teacher liked - same with principals, etc. Probably one of the reasons the other kids didn’t like me - but that went over my head. I think it’s really easy to overestimate how important the socialization in public schools is. We go to so many movies where the plot is based on the dynamics of public high school, we assume it’s normal. We see so much of terrible stuff downplaid like it doesn’t matter. Just rewatched Back to the Future which laughingly brushes off every kind of violence as long as it’s done at the prom.
DennisP 11mo ago
And I've always felt that most of my social anxiety came from public school. Maybe we were both just prone to it. (I unlearned it too, but it took quite a while.)
cosmic_cheese 11mo ago
As someone else who was homeschooled except the last three grades, I also agree. Additionally, the effect is multiplied if the kid in question lives in a rural or semi-rural area rather than a suburb or city. For the majority of my adult life I’ve been playing catchup. Even now, barreling towards 40, there’s aspects of social capabilities where I come up quite short relative to my peers. If I’m ever to be a parent, I won’t homeschool. Depending the circumstances I might not send my kids to public school, but their schooling situation will at minimum involve social exposure comparable to that of public school.
- zten 11mo ago
  > Even now, barreling towards 40, there’s aspects of social capabilities where I come up quite short relative to my peers. I identify with your post as a rural kid who mostly didn't socialize with classmates after school. I went to public school, and I'm 40 now. I think the human experience is that you are inevitably going to encounter social situations where you feel outmatched or simply don't belong. I do agree with making sure your kids experience public school, but I think that's about the bare minimum of what you can offer your kids.
  - cosmic_cheese 11mo ago
    Yeah, there are always going to be outliers, that can't be avoided. The problem lies with the kid never having been given the opportunity in the first place.
aleph_minus_one 11mo ago
[flagged]
- A4ET8a8uTh0_v2 11mo ago
  There are some skills taught in that realm. From personal experience, I have learned to recognize trouble by gait and eyes alone. I get that people get different experiences, but I could have done without that knowledge.
  - benjaminsky2 11mo ago
    If you ever end up incarcerated this will be invaluable:)
    - A4ET8a8uTh0_v2 11mo ago
      I remember one politician once responding in an off-hand manner as to why they are focusing on prisons and not day cares, to which he responded: 'well, there is still a change I may end up in prison'. Naturally, I did not realize then how optimistic that remark was.
- Melonai 11mo ago
  That was definitely not my public school experience. I've had loads of issues but without public school I probably would be so extremely depressed and anxious, I'm not sure I'd be here today. I wouldn't have lots of important friendships, I wouldn't have my fiancé, and I'd have missed out on lots of experiences that I find were fundamental to shaping who I am now. And despite all that, school was still really hard on me. I had a bunch of mean teachers, subjects I was miserable at and would cry about (Foreign language French still haunts my dreams...) and of course I was bullied as well for being kind of a weirdo. :) I wouldn't trade it for homeschooling. I know that if I didn't have those experiences at school, I would probably have different experiences that would have shaped me differently. But in the end, I'm still glad I went through all that though.
- BeFlatXIII 11mo ago

by jfreds 11mo ago

pyuser583 11mo ago

I was horribly bullied in high school. It was really bad. The worst part was being ostracized. The school had anti-bullying policies, but they don’t force anyone to be your friend. Strangely, I was elected to lots of student government office, and held leadership in lots of clubs. Maybe my memory is just off, but I don’t think so. I think I was really good connecting with the grownups who ran the school, so they made sure I got leadership positions. I was always much better at being the kid in class the teacher liked - same with principals, etc. Probably one of the reasons the other kids didn’t like me - but that went over my head. I think it’s really easy to overestimate how important the socialization in public schools is. We go to so many movies where the plot is based on the dynamics of public high school, we assume it’s normal. We see so much of terrible stuff downplaid like it doesn’t matter. Just rewatched Back to the Future which laughingly brushes off every kind of violence as long as it’s done at the prom.

DennisP 11mo ago

And I've always felt that most of my social anxiety came from public school. Maybe we were both just prone to it. (I unlearned it too, but it took quite a while.)

cosmic_cheese 11mo ago

As someone else who was homeschooled except the last three grades, I also agree. Additionally, the effect is multiplied if the kid in question lives in a rural or semi-rural area rather than a suburb or city. For the majority of my adult life I’ve been playing catchup. Even now, barreling towards 40, there’s aspects of social capabilities where I come up quite short relative to my peers. If I’m ever to be a parent, I won’t homeschool. Depending the circumstances I might not send my kids to public school, but their schooling situation will at minimum involve social exposure comparable to that of public school.

zten 11mo ago
> Even now, barreling towards 40, there’s aspects of social capabilities where I come up quite short relative to my peers. I identify with your post as a rural kid who mostly didn't socialize with classmates after school. I went to public school, and I'm 40 now. I think the human experience is that you are inevitably going to encounter social situations where you feel outmatched or simply don't belong. I do agree with making sure your kids experience public school, but I think that's about the bare minimum of what you can offer your kids.
- cosmic_cheese 11mo ago
  Yeah, there are always going to be outliers, that can't be avoided. The problem lies with the kid never having been given the opportunity in the first place.

aleph_minus_one 11mo ago

[flagged]

A4ET8a8uTh0_v2 11mo ago
There are some skills taught in that realm. From personal experience, I have learned to recognize trouble by gait and eyes alone. I get that people get different experiences, but I could have done without that knowledge.
- benjaminsky2 11mo ago
  If you ever end up incarcerated this will be invaluable:)
  - A4ET8a8uTh0_v2 11mo ago
    I remember one politician once responding in an off-hand manner as to why they are focusing on prisons and not day cares, to which he responded: 'well, there is still a change I may end up in prison'. Naturally, I did not realize then how optimistic that remark was.
Melonai 11mo ago
That was definitely not my public school experience. I've had loads of issues but without public school I probably would be so extremely depressed and anxious, I'm not sure I'd be here today. I wouldn't have lots of important friendships, I wouldn't have my fiancé, and I'd have missed out on lots of experiences that I find were fundamental to shaping who I am now. And despite all that, school was still really hard on me. I had a bunch of mean teachers, subjects I was miserable at and would cry about (Foreign language French still haunts my dreams...) and of course I was bullied as well for being kind of a weirdo. :) I wouldn't trade it for homeschooling. I know that if I didn't have those experiences at school, I would probably have different experiences that would have shaped me differently. But in the end, I'm still glad I went through all that though.
BeFlatXIII 11mo ago