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Tabloid: The Clickbait Headline Programming Language
- AbuAssar 11mo agothis is hilarious, thanks for the laughs!
- illusive4080 11mo agoMissed opportunity for loops to be BREAKING NEWS … KEEP READING TO DISCOVER
- k310 11mo agoDETAILS AT [11] [11] https://github.com/thesephist/tabloid/blob/master/README.md#language-overview https://github.com/thesephist/tabloid/blob/master/README.md#...
- paultopia 11mo agoIt’s been too long since something like this has happened. Kudos.
- Jeremy1026 11mo agoBREAKING NEWS! This is the perfect amount of stupid. I'm going to see if I can't convince my team to convert our codebase over ASAP. FOLLOW ME to find out how it goes.
- swyx 11mo agoyou forgot to PLEASE LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE now the program doesnt terminate
- NamlchakKhandro 11mo agoNow we just need the companion turing complete languages: Thunderfoot - write screenplays for youtube videos debunking articles written in Tabloid Fisker - Writes troll posts to discord/irc/steam community to highlight how awesome TOPIC in AWESOME ARTICLE written in Tabloid is Shitlist - Generates awesomelists repos on github for TOPIC
- wartywhoa23 11mo ago.BOT - Controls botfarms with built-in shill primitives on the X virtual machine, successor to BitMusk
- noduerme 11mo agoThis is refreshingly ridiculous.
- gnabgib 11mo agoPopular in: 2020 (245 points, 38 comments) https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24578749 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24578749 2024 (217 points, 29 comments) https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40964261 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40964261
- moritzwarhier 11mo agoI didn't think some keywords could make me have fun but they did :D Maybe I should use macros like this for productive work to make sure programming stays engaging and entertaining! EXPERTS CLAIM SECRET_CODE TO BE 129 DISCOVER HOW TO MESS WITH NUMBER RUMOR HAS IT EXPERTS CLAIM RESULT TO BE NUMBER MODULO 2 WHAT IF RESULT IS ACTUALLY 0 SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT NUMBER DIVIDED BY 2 LIES! SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT (NUMBER TIMES 3) PLUS 1 END OF STORY EXPERTS CLAIM ITERATION TO BE 0 DISCOVER HOW TO DEEP_RESEARCH WITH NUMBER RUMOR HAS IT EXPERTS CLAIM ITERATION TO BE ITERATION PLUS 1 EXPERTS CLAIM RESULT TO BE MESS OF NUMBER WHAT IF RESULT IS ACTUALLY 1 RUMOR HAS IT SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT ITERATION END OF STORY LIES! SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT DEEP_RESEARCH OF RESULT END OF STORY EXPERTS CLAIM RESULT TO BE DEEP_RESEARCH OF SECRET_CODE YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS (((("shocking fact about innocious number discovered: " PLUS SECRET_CODE) PLUS " takes a whopping ") PLUS RESULT) PLUS " steps to reach 1") PLEASE LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE
- omoikane 11mo agoMinor patch before calling DEEP_RESEARCH to make it interactive: EXPERTS CLAIM SECRET_CODE TO BE LATEST NEWS ON 'Innocious number?'
- moritzwarhier 11mo agoGood one! It would be disingenuous to name it DEEP_RESEARCH without incorporating LATEST NEWS. And what could be a better source of news than the user?
- gnarlouse 11mo agoMissed opportunity: The joke should be that regardless of the program you write, nothing happens. No real signal, just like most real clickbait content.
- csmantle 11mo agoThis would benefit from combining the literal rules from TrumpScript [0]: > All numbers must be strictly greater than 1 million. The small stuff is inconsequential to us. [0]: https://github.com/samshadwell/TrumpScript https://github.com/samshadwell/TrumpScript
- deleted 11mo ago[deleted]
- holysoles 11mo agoLove the energy and keyword selections. But also probably a great exercise to have gone through that I've always considered doing
- lxgr 11mo agoMissed opportunity to title the post/submission “Will this programming language revolutionize software development?” :)
- nine_k 11mo agoI hope error messages say YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU'LL SEE IN LINE ${line_number}
- halapro 11mo agoErrors should be thrown as TRULY EXCEPTIONAL
- RobotToaster 11mo agoPROGRAMMER DESTROYED BY FACTS AND SYNTAX
- throwup238 11mo agoException claps back at programmer.
- Dilettante_ 11mo ago[GONE {errortype}!]
- cyrusradfar 11mo agoI actually felt pretty impressed they kept to the non-clickbait standard of the community and still crushed the post :)
- dbacar 11mo agoThe title of the post should have been "SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT".
- dcdc123 11mo agoI love it.
- hamasho 11mo agoLove `TOTALLY RIGHT` and `COMPLETELY WRONG` as boolean, but `TRUTH` and `FAKE NEWS` sounds better. Too much social media consumption makes me feel that "truth" or "fact" are kinda sarcastic. It also reminds me TrumpScript: https://github.com/samshadwell/TrumpScript https://github.com/samshadwell/TrumpScript
- kruffalon 11mo agoBut... Which one of TRUTH and FAKE NEWS is the equivalent of boolean TRUE and FALSE respectively???? The original options are more clear imo, even though they show their age.
- hamasho 11mo agoYou're right, I'm not sure neither... Probably it should be FACT and ALTERNATIVE FACT and no one knows what means what.
- hunterpayne 11mo agoSo brainrot and brainfuck had a baby?
- arendtio 11mo agoI think it could be improved by ADDING A FEATURE with multiple texts for the same mechanic. Less repetitive == MORE AWESOME And of course, harder to learn/understand.
- BrenBarn 11mo agoWrite amazing programs with this one weird trick
- cat-whisperer 11mo agoIf you make sure it follows the style of COBOL. we can document it in the history books!
- zoom6628 11mo agoI look forward to the implementation of the TACO instruction.
- halapro 11mo agoI'm more of a KTHXBYE kinda guy.
- jonplackett 11mo agoThis is the heart and soul of hacker news
- nython 11mo agoI thought that was maison d'errorier
- zamadatix 11mo agoThis gave me a laugh! Some variation of "the Top Five Most Popular Quirks and Features" from the description could be a good way to define arrays on size n (e.g. perhaps numerical instead of Five).
- Dilettante_ 11mo ago"n WEIRD INTEGERS YOU WON'T BELIEVE ARE REAL!"
- Ancapistani 11mo agoHow about CONSIDERED HARMFUL as a postfix negation operator?
- ljm 11mo agoPerhaps UK centric but I’d also consider: IN BOOST TO x — increment x by 1 IN BLOW TO x — decrement by 1 Throw in ‘BAN THIS SICK FILTH’ as a way to throw an exception. Of course, the absence of SLAMS and SNUBBED are notable. They should fit in somewhere.
- dspillett 11mo agoPerhaps MORAL QUESTION / BAN THIS SICK FILTH / JUSTIFY IF BY ONE OF OURS/ AT THE END OF THE DAY for try/throw/catch/finally.
- fjfaase 11mo agoI used this language in a workshop on parser construction at MCH2022. The particepants where asked to construct the grammar for the language, which proved harder than I had expected for most of them.
- arvigeus 11mo agoNot written in Rust? Instant pass!
- Kye 11mo agoThe natural complement to LOLCODE. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LOLCODE https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LOLCODE
- artemonster 11mo agoDereferencing pointers: „click here to find out more“
- olivierestsage 11mo agoAnd That's a Good Thing