4 ms·

Border Patrol agent testifies sandwich thrown at him "exploded all over,"

47 points by rolph 1y ago

rolph 1y ago
this article drove home, the nature of spin, the uncertainty of reality, due to second order information
- zippyman55 1y ago
  Two sandwiches cannot occupy the same space at the same time? Fermi Sandwiches. Gotcha. But if one has mustard spin and the other MAYO spin, I think it’s possible to have them occupy the same lunch bag.
stuffn 1y ago
> Lairmore said he "could feel it through his ballistic vest" and it "exploded all over" him after the Subway stack hit him. He said he "could smell the onions and mustard" on his uniform, and even had an onion string hanging by his police radio later that night. The fast-food mustard, he said, stained his shirt. The first test of a hypersonic subway apparently. On one hand, yes, it's probably simple battery given how loose the definition is. But the lengths at which this guy goes into how traumatized he is by a subway sandwich, juxtaposed by the intimidating posture border patrol is trying to project, is absolute comedy gold. > Dunn's attorneys later pressed Lairmore on two gag gifts that his coworkers bought him after the incident, including a plush submarine sandwich and a "felony footlong" patch that Lairmore said he put on his lunchbox. His own buddies were clowning on him.
- legitster 1y ago
  > In a post on X announcing Dunn's firing, Attorney General Pam Bondi called Dunn "an example of the Deep State we have been up against." The "deep state" is low-level paralegals throwing sandwiches.
- ourmandave 1y ago
  He said he "could smell the onions and mustard"... The Fox News chyron will probably be "protesters use mustard gas on brave officer"
  - saulpw 1y ago
    During the Seattle BLM protests, SPD vacated the neighborhood precinct building to show how violent the protestors were, and then they claimed that an "incendiary device" had been thrown through the window to burn down the building. The "incendiary device" in question was a candle which I don't believe was even lit.
- rolph 1y ago
  at first i checked to see i wasnt reading an onion article, then it hit me, this is serious.
- treetalker 1y ago
  > But the lengths at which this guy goes into how traumatized he is by a subway sandwich … Without doubt, the most bountiful and intense BS I've heard from witnesses on the stand has come from cops.
- potato3732842 1y ago
  >His own buddies were clowning on him. They're clowning on him for it being poor taste to push the issue, like a beat cop who hits his quota by nailing an old lady for 5-over on the way back to the station on his last shift of the month. C'mon man let it go. They're not clowning on him for lying about it to make it seem serious in court. They all play crap like that up when it suites them.
riskable 1y ago
This administration hates heroes.
- deleted 1y ago
  [deleted]
- greesil 1y ago
  This trial puts them in quite a pickle.
  - quantified 1y ago
    Real schmear campaign.
- red-iron-pine 1y ago
  this administration hates Americans.
legitster 1y ago
> Federal prosecutors failed to secure a felony indictment from a grand jury in Washington in the immediate aftermath of the incident, and instead charged Dunn with a federal misdemeanor assault charge for allegedly assaulting, resisting, opposing, impeding, intimidating and interfering with a federal officer. "A grand jury would indict a ham sandwich, if that's what you wanted,"- Sol Wachtler. FYI - felony charges would have been up to 10 years, misdemeanor is much more in line with the actual "crime" and would only be 6 months.
- potato3732842 1y ago
  6mo for throwing a sub because the target gets a government paycheck is still bullshit. We ought to demand equality under the law for law enforcement.
hypeatei 1y ago
The article doesn't mention it but they sent like 30 federal agents to knock on this guys door, arrested him, and filmed it all for social media. The amount of unhinged behavior from this admin that goes unnoticed is crazy. EDIT: It was 20... https://old.reddit.com/r/ThatsInsane/comments/1mr2gc4/white_house_posts_insane_video_of_over_20_armed/ https://old.reddit.com/r/ThatsInsane/comments/1mr2gc4/white_...
- grebc 1y ago
  Gestapo be like that.
zippyman55 1y ago
I don't get why this could not have been a learning experience for the two. Mustard is ok, but while I do hate mayo I think it would not induce PTSD.
- fallinghawks 1y ago
  Mustard is not OK. Where do you think mustard gas comes from? ;) That guy was deploying a chemical weapon in violation of the Geneva protocol.
  - zippyman55 1y ago
    The Irish Republican Army, at the height of their activities would never have used MAYO.
grebc 1y ago
The writers for The Onion don’t even need to write. Just report straight facts.
- red-iron-pine 1y ago
  creating situations of "hyperreality" is one of the goals
jethronethro 1y ago
Must have been a foot-long, fully-loaded sandwich.
ebbi 1y ago
Where was the sandwich from? It's been a while I've bought a sandwich that was loaded with fillings.

47 points by rolph 1y ago

rolph 1y ago

this article drove home, the nature of spin, the uncertainty of reality, due to second order information

zippyman55 1y ago
Two sandwiches cannot occupy the same space at the same time? Fermi Sandwiches. Gotcha. But if one has mustard spin and the other MAYO spin, I think it’s possible to have them occupy the same lunch bag.

stuffn 1y ago

> Lairmore said he "could feel it through his ballistic vest" and it "exploded all over" him after the Subway stack hit him. He said he "could smell the onions and mustard" on his uniform, and even had an onion string hanging by his police radio later that night. The fast-food mustard, he said, stained his shirt. The first test of a hypersonic subway apparently. On one hand, yes, it's probably simple battery given how loose the definition is. But the lengths at which this guy goes into how traumatized he is by a subway sandwich, juxtaposed by the intimidating posture border patrol is trying to project, is absolute comedy gold. > Dunn's attorneys later pressed Lairmore on two gag gifts that his coworkers bought him after the incident, including a plush submarine sandwich and a "felony footlong" patch that Lairmore said he put on his lunchbox. His own buddies were clowning on him.

legitster 1y ago
> In a post on X announcing Dunn's firing, Attorney General Pam Bondi called Dunn "an example of the Deep State we have been up against." The "deep state" is low-level paralegals throwing sandwiches.
ourmandave 1y ago
He said he "could smell the onions and mustard"... The Fox News chyron will probably be "protesters use mustard gas on brave officer"
- saulpw 1y ago
  During the Seattle BLM protests, SPD vacated the neighborhood precinct building to show how violent the protestors were, and then they claimed that an "incendiary device" had been thrown through the window to burn down the building. The "incendiary device" in question was a candle which I don't believe was even lit.
rolph 1y ago
at first i checked to see i wasnt reading an onion article, then it hit me, this is serious.
treetalker 1y ago
> But the lengths at which this guy goes into how traumatized he is by a subway sandwich … Without doubt, the most bountiful and intense BS I've heard from witnesses on the stand has come from cops.
potato3732842 1y ago
>His own buddies were clowning on him. They're clowning on him for it being poor taste to push the issue, like a beat cop who hits his quota by nailing an old lady for 5-over on the way back to the station on his last shift of the month. C'mon man let it go. They're not clowning on him for lying about it to make it seem serious in court. They all play crap like that up when it suites them.

riskable 1y ago

This administration hates heroes.

deleted 1y ago
[deleted]
greesil 1y ago
This trial puts them in quite a pickle.
- quantified 1y ago
  Real schmear campaign.
red-iron-pine 1y ago
this administration hates Americans.

legitster 1y ago

> Federal prosecutors failed to secure a felony indictment from a grand jury in Washington in the immediate aftermath of the incident, and instead charged Dunn with a federal misdemeanor assault charge for allegedly assaulting, resisting, opposing, impeding, intimidating and interfering with a federal officer. "A grand jury would indict a ham sandwich, if that's what you wanted,"- Sol Wachtler. FYI - felony charges would have been up to 10 years, misdemeanor is much more in line with the actual "crime" and would only be 6 months.

potato3732842 1y ago
6mo for throwing a sub because the target gets a government paycheck is still bullshit. We ought to demand equality under the law for law enforcement.

hypeatei 1y ago

The article doesn't mention it but they sent like 30 federal agents to knock on this guys door, arrested him, and filmed it all for social media. The amount of unhinged behavior from this admin that goes unnoticed is crazy. EDIT: It was 20... https://old.reddit.com/r/ThatsInsane/comments/1mr2gc4/white_house_posts_insane_video_of_over_20_armed/ https://old.reddit.com/r/ThatsInsane/comments/1mr2gc4/white_...

grebc 1y ago
Gestapo be like that.

zippyman55 1y ago

I don't get why this could not have been a learning experience for the two. Mustard is ok, but while I do hate mayo I think it would not induce PTSD.

fallinghawks 1y ago
Mustard is not OK. Where do you think mustard gas comes from? ;) That guy was deploying a chemical weapon in violation of the Geneva protocol.
- zippyman55 1y ago
  The Irish Republican Army, at the height of their activities would never have used MAYO.

grebc 1y ago

The writers for The Onion don’t even need to write. Just report straight facts.

red-iron-pine 1y ago
creating situations of "hyperreality" is one of the goals

jethronethro 1y ago

Must have been a foot-long, fully-loaded sandwich.

ebbi 1y ago

Where was the sandwich from? It's been a while I've bought a sandwich that was loaded with fillings.