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> Or have people redefined what they consider to be "close friends"? I suspect that you've hit the nail on the head. It would also be interesting to see number

by elric 1y ago

> Or have people redefined what they consider to be "close friends"? I suspect that you've hit the nail on the head. It would also be interesting to see numbers on churn. How long do these many close friendships last? Do they last longer than before? Or, more likely, less long?

Ratelman 1y ago
Boils down to the basics of proper science - how does one measure/quantify close friends?
- Ratelman 1y ago
  Reflecting on my own experience - frequency of contact (if I see them once a year, can't really count them as close friends) How involved they are in my life - are they people I turn to when I'm facing a problem, do they turn to me when facing their own problems? Do we have frequent deep conversations - not just surface level discuss the weather, sports etc. but stuff that matter. Quantifying this - length of friendship (# of years), frequency of contact (annually, monthly, weekly etc.), level of trust (low, medium, high - can I trust my kids with them kind of trust), level of involvement (low, medium, high - what things do I feel comfortable sharing with them - suppose this is also level of trust?)
  - basisword 1y ago
    >> Reflecting on my own experience - frequency of contact (if I see them once a year, can't really count them as close friends) I think this one is interesting. If you saw them daily for 20 years and then transitioned to once a year are they automatically not close friends? Even if they satisfied the other criteria (like you could turn to them when you are facing a serious problem, you have deep conversations on that annual meeting because you are comfortable with them, etc)?
    - pixl97 1y ago
      I'd say we need a more analog definition than a binary one. The term 'close' friend at least to me means close. Either in physicality or depth and regularity of contact. Only talking to them once a year, even in depth is more like a semi-close friend. They are not there to help you with the day to day issues that you may not even realize you're having.
- FuriouslyAdrift 1y ago
  Would they help you move a sofa bed into an upstairs room without hesitation? That's my criteria anyways...
bee_rider 1y ago
I think longer is… possible, at least? The internet has allowed me to keep in touch with friends from elementary school. I’m, unfortunately, approaching 40 more quickly than I’d like, so these are around 30 year friendships. Although, I’ve also got some college friends that I’d consider close. So that’s more like 15 years. Also online mostly at this point.
- Ratelman 1y ago
  What makes you consider them close (aside from length of friendship)?
  - bee_rider 1y ago
    The main things that help me know a friendship is close are: I’m sad when I don’t see them, but not worried that we’re drifting apart. I dunno. It isn’t well defined I think. We come with built-in accelerators for social interactions, right? It runs some weird proprietary language I guess, the rest of my brain can’t make heads or tails of it.
- basisword 1y ago
  This is an excellent point. I have 10 friends that I went through 15 years of school + University with. So obviously very close friends. We remain in touch via group chat a decade on but only actually see each other once or twice a year. I would still consider them among my closest friends - but the convenience of modern technology has definitely preserved those friendships to a large extent. I imagine if we had to actually phone each other we would feel much less close.
- Miraltar 1y ago
  We move a lot more than we used to. Not so long ago you generally didn't need internet to keep in touch because 50 years later your childhood friend would still live 10km away

by elric 1y ago

Ratelman 1y ago

Boils down to the basics of proper science - how does one measure/quantify close friends?

Ratelman 1y ago
Reflecting on my own experience - frequency of contact (if I see them once a year, can't really count them as close friends) How involved they are in my life - are they people I turn to when I'm facing a problem, do they turn to me when facing their own problems? Do we have frequent deep conversations - not just surface level discuss the weather, sports etc. but stuff that matter. Quantifying this - length of friendship (# of years), frequency of contact (annually, monthly, weekly etc.), level of trust (low, medium, high - can I trust my kids with them kind of trust), level of involvement (low, medium, high - what things do I feel comfortable sharing with them - suppose this is also level of trust?)
- basisword 1y ago
  >> Reflecting on my own experience - frequency of contact (if I see them once a year, can't really count them as close friends) I think this one is interesting. If you saw them daily for 20 years and then transitioned to once a year are they automatically not close friends? Even if they satisfied the other criteria (like you could turn to them when you are facing a serious problem, you have deep conversations on that annual meeting because you are comfortable with them, etc)?
  - pixl97 1y ago
    I'd say we need a more analog definition than a binary one. The term 'close' friend at least to me means close. Either in physicality or depth and regularity of contact. Only talking to them once a year, even in depth is more like a semi-close friend. They are not there to help you with the day to day issues that you may not even realize you're having.
FuriouslyAdrift 1y ago
Would they help you move a sofa bed into an upstairs room without hesitation? That's my criteria anyways...

bee_rider 1y ago

I think longer is… possible, at least? The internet has allowed me to keep in touch with friends from elementary school. I’m, unfortunately, approaching 40 more quickly than I’d like, so these are around 30 year friendships. Although, I’ve also got some college friends that I’d consider close. So that’s more like 15 years. Also online mostly at this point.

Ratelman 1y ago
What makes you consider them close (aside from length of friendship)?
- bee_rider 1y ago
  The main things that help me know a friendship is close are: I’m sad when I don’t see them, but not worried that we’re drifting apart. I dunno. It isn’t well defined I think. We come with built-in accelerators for social interactions, right? It runs some weird proprietary language I guess, the rest of my brain can’t make heads or tails of it.
basisword 1y ago
This is an excellent point. I have 10 friends that I went through 15 years of school + University with. So obviously very close friends. We remain in touch via group chat a decade on but only actually see each other once or twice a year. I would still consider them among my closest friends - but the convenience of modern technology has definitely preserved those friendships to a large extent. I imagine if we had to actually phone each other we would feel much less close.
Miraltar 1y ago
We move a lot more than we used to. Not so long ago you generally didn't need internet to keep in touch because 50 years later your childhood friend would still live 10km away