3 ms·

I had my first at 42, second at 45, and about to have my third at 48. Honestly it’s been fine - thinking that people might find this unimaginable is so far from

I had my first at 42, second at 45, and about to have my third at 48. Honestly it’s been fine - thinking that people might find this unimaginable is so far from my reality. It really feels like I’ve had the same experience as those in their 30s. Part of this might be that 40s life is a bit more chill anyhow - I no longer go and get smashed every weekend, or even have the FOMO that I’m not doing that. And work life, whilst more junior, was ultimately more extreme in my 20s and 30s. So any physical drop is probably balanced by a slight drop in general burning the candle at both ends. But yeah, don’t think 40s parenting is a no go. Go for it!

nightshift1 11mo ago
My parents had me at 40. I wish they had me sooner. They were old and tired for all my life and at 40 my last parent is already near the end. I have only known one of my grandparents. My parents were the equivalent of other kids grandparents. You do you but i think it's selfish.
- prawn 11mo ago
  I think consider that simonsquiff may not have been in a position (stable relationship, reliable personal situation, partner's career, etc) until their 40s. If not now, they may not have had children at all, leaving no one to know any grandparents. I think there are advantages either way. I have three kids, born when I was 35-41; when my wife was 31-37. The children met great-grandparents, get lots of experience with their grandparents, and I think time for us to get more established has made for a stronger and more interesting parenting environment. I might've regretted giving up chances to travel/etc before having kids. That said, I am conscious that I would be 80+ before my youngest hit 40. It might be that consecutive generations of late-parenting are where the impact is felt. My parents had their three children at 24-29.
  - somenameforme 11mo ago
    Fully agreed on this, the generational stuff is where having children late is just brutal. When I was young, I actually often hung out my grand grandmother's place, drinking real buttermilk and eating the tasty goodies it can produce. I took it all for granted, but it was a wonderful upbringing and undoubtedly took a major load of my parent. I'm not actually entirely sure why she decided to move to the city at which point that entire network disappeared and things became much more difficult for both of us. And I don't think I really want to ask why either. On the other hand here I am today living half way around the world from where I was born, so maybe this urge to expand outward is some sort of genetic thing. Could explain a lot about humanity - Africa was pretty much a utopia especially relative to the damnable freezing wastelands the 'Northern Lands.' Gotta be something a bit wrong with some of us! Hey who's up for going to Mars? I am!
- somenameforme 11mo ago
  Like I'm sure you can see yourself already, a lot depends on the individuals in question. I'm approaching my mid 40s and am still a gym rat - and at my peak lifetime strength + endurance levels. On the other hand I also have peers that have already muddled their minds and broken their bodies, often through years of indulgence, sometimes well before their 40s. This [1] is RFK Jr at friggin 71 years old, amongst other athletic feats you can find videos of. He's on testosterone replacement therapy, but on the other hand I don't think that's really some big asterisk. Testosterone is absolutely critical for men and it declines as we age. When I reach the point where my testosterone has meaningfully diminished, I'll also likely do the same. And TRT alone doesn't give you results like that - that's the result of endless dedication to maintaining your health and fitness. [1] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpeGjCBF_z4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpeGjCBF_z4
  - paulryanrogers 11mo ago
    Having heard stories of his fatherhood journey, I would not hold up RFKJ as a model of anything except selfishness.
    - somenameforme 11mo ago
      You mean his habit of nailing anything that moves? I can't judge him there. You never know what's happening (or not) in somebody's private life. And for a man with all the opportunity in the world - I can only say that I'd look with suspicion at whoever was to cast stones there. He's an eccentric man in a hyper-polarized world yet has raised 6 children that, at least publicly, have remained neutral to supportive of him. He's gotta be doing a lot right there IMO. And having a 70 year old father that's still in phenomenal shape and health is something our GP would certainly have liked to have had.
      - paulryanrogers 11mo ago
        Quite a generous interpretation of a guy who is actively destroying the public health system, and whose idea of a family vacation includes a bloody whale head on the roof of the car.
- njarboe 11mo ago
  If your parents did not have you at 40 you would not exist. Hope you are enjoying life.

nightshift1 11mo ago

My parents had me at 40. I wish they had me sooner. They were old and tired for all my life and at 40 my last parent is already near the end. I have only known one of my grandparents. My parents were the equivalent of other kids grandparents. You do you but i think it's selfish.

prawn 11mo ago
I think consider that simonsquiff may not have been in a position (stable relationship, reliable personal situation, partner's career, etc) until their 40s. If not now, they may not have had children at all, leaving no one to know any grandparents. I think there are advantages either way. I have three kids, born when I was 35-41; when my wife was 31-37. The children met great-grandparents, get lots of experience with their grandparents, and I think time for us to get more established has made for a stronger and more interesting parenting environment. I might've regretted giving up chances to travel/etc before having kids. That said, I am conscious that I would be 80+ before my youngest hit 40. It might be that consecutive generations of late-parenting are where the impact is felt. My parents had their three children at 24-29.
- somenameforme 11mo ago
  Fully agreed on this, the generational stuff is where having children late is just brutal. When I was young, I actually often hung out my grand grandmother's place, drinking real buttermilk and eating the tasty goodies it can produce. I took it all for granted, but it was a wonderful upbringing and undoubtedly took a major load of my parent. I'm not actually entirely sure why she decided to move to the city at which point that entire network disappeared and things became much more difficult for both of us. And I don't think I really want to ask why either. On the other hand here I am today living half way around the world from where I was born, so maybe this urge to expand outward is some sort of genetic thing. Could explain a lot about humanity - Africa was pretty much a utopia especially relative to the damnable freezing wastelands the 'Northern Lands.' Gotta be something a bit wrong with some of us! Hey who's up for going to Mars? I am!
somenameforme 11mo ago
Like I'm sure you can see yourself already, a lot depends on the individuals in question. I'm approaching my mid 40s and am still a gym rat - and at my peak lifetime strength + endurance levels. On the other hand I also have peers that have already muddled their minds and broken their bodies, often through years of indulgence, sometimes well before their 40s. This [1] is RFK Jr at friggin 71 years old, amongst other athletic feats you can find videos of. He's on testosterone replacement therapy, but on the other hand I don't think that's really some big asterisk. Testosterone is absolutely critical for men and it declines as we age. When I reach the point where my testosterone has meaningfully diminished, I'll also likely do the same. And TRT alone doesn't give you results like that - that's the result of endless dedication to maintaining your health and fitness. [1] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpeGjCBF_z4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpeGjCBF_z4
- paulryanrogers 11mo ago
  Having heard stories of his fatherhood journey, I would not hold up RFKJ as a model of anything except selfishness.
  - somenameforme 11mo ago
    You mean his habit of nailing anything that moves? I can't judge him there. You never know what's happening (or not) in somebody's private life. And for a man with all the opportunity in the world - I can only say that I'd look with suspicion at whoever was to cast stones there. He's an eccentric man in a hyper-polarized world yet has raised 6 children that, at least publicly, have remained neutral to supportive of him. He's gotta be doing a lot right there IMO. And having a 70 year old father that's still in phenomenal shape and health is something our GP would certainly have liked to have had.
    - paulryanrogers 11mo ago
      Quite a generous interpretation of a guy who is actively destroying the public health system, and whose idea of a family vacation includes a bloody whale head on the roof of the car.
njarboe 11mo ago
If your parents did not have you at 40 you would not exist. Hope you are enjoying life.