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Men can sleep around without ill effect, but it destroys a woman emotionally. It destroys a lot of men emotionally, as well. It's just not healthy for anyone.
by time_management 18y ago
Men can sleep around without ill effect, but it destroys a woman emotionally.
It destroys a lot of men emotionally, as well. It's just not healthy for anyone. The detached "alpha male" is an anachronism in civilized society, and the terms for those with strong alpha tendencies are "psychopath", "narcissist", and (for women) "nymphomaniac". Psychopaths (of both genders) can do it without emotional harm to themselves, and there's a much wider pool of people who are in denial about the emotional consequences... but the rest of us aren't built for that type of "relationship".
So, in truth, there are people who can have casual sex without being "destroyed", but they're rare and usually not very likeable. Most men I know who have had one-night stands regret them.
The broader issue with casual sex has nothing to do with the immediate emotional effects, but with the long-term consequences. It establishes bad emotional and physical habits, but it also makes people less desirable as marriage partners, and most people want the option, at least, to get settle down and get married one day. Most people are fine with "premarital" sex, given that we're a generation that tends to marry very late, but casual sex is an unspoken divide among young people today. We have about 40% of the population-- a relatively stable proportion across levels of socioeconomic status and education-- going off and doing this in their teens and 20s, expecting there to be no consequences because birth control "solved that". (Riiight.) Then we have a "silent majority" of about 60% who have never had casual sex, see no reason to respect it, and consider such experiences distasteful and extremely undesirable in future marriage partners. My observation is that nearly all of the marriageable women are in the latter category, and that men who have lots of casual sex in their 20s end up settling down with second-rate women when they're looking to get married. True ladies don't want to have anything to do with them. (Sorry, but it has to be said.) These are the later-in-life consequences for men who have casual sex; for women, they're probably worse.
- anamax 18y ago> True ladies don't want to have anything to do with them. Keep telling yourself that. > (Sorry, but it has to be said.) You're not sorry at all. You have to say it so other people can see your superiority. Plus, you like saying it. > the terms for those with strong alpha tendencies are "psychopath", "narcissist", and (for women) "nymphomaniac" Wowsers.
- time_management 18y agoKeep telling yourself that. I will. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you probably don't know the meaning of the word "lady". It's often an abused word, used interchangeably with "woman". A lady is a highly refined, intelligent, and cultured woman with strong moral values. Ladies, using the word correctly, are very rare in the US. Since ladies value love highly, they tend to eschew casual sex entirely. Since they demand respect and equality in relationships, they expect the same from the men they will marry. If you're into "experienced" women, you can have all the casual sex you want, rack up a monstrous number, and still get what you're looking for, but if you want to marry a refined lady some day, you're going to have to conduct yourself as she would.
- ahoyhere 18y agoLike I so tactfully implied, you are by far the biggest misogynist in this thread. You take the typical casual misogyny of HN and elevate it to a level that makes even the rest of em feel uncomfortable! Bravo!
- menloparkbum 18y agoI feel uncomfortable. How long has William J. Bennett been lurking on Hacker News? My last comment on this topic is to quit while you're behind. It is a lot easier for your future girlfriend to find out how much of a kook you've been on the internet than it is for you to figure out how much of a "lady" she's been with her previous relationships.
- time_management 18y agoTo take my contempt for casual sex and run so far as to compare me to William J. Bennett is just ridiculous.
- time_management 18y agoWhy do you consider me a misogynist? Please justify this claim, or shut the fuck up. I've never noticed a "typical casual misogyny" on this forum. Never. Perhaps we read different threads.
- ii 18y agoCome on! My 6-year old daughter is a result of one-night stand/casual sex. There were none negatives consequences for anyone. Everybody is happy. Wake up!