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>Why not ask "What am I doing wrong?" Because that's the first step to getting your needs ignored. And in conversations where "empathy" is brought up you're us
by balamatom 1y ago
>Why not ask "What am I doing wrong?"
Because that's the first step to getting your needs ignored. And in conversations where "empathy" is brought up you're usually exactly one step from getting your needs ignored.
If you're doing something wrong, and I decide to do something about it, minimum decency dictates I make sure you understand what it is. Bringing into it some vague abstract notion that everyone with half a critical mind turns out to have a whole personal exegesis about, but I only know about it from everyone else? Now there's a clear signal that nobody in the room actually cares how people are treated.
- palmotea 1y ago> Because that's the first step to getting your needs ignored. And in conversations where "empathy" is brought up you're usually exactly one step from getting your needs ignored. When someone's being asked to have more empathy, they're probably in the middle of ignoring someone else's needs right then.
- balamatom 1y ago>When someone's being asked to have more empathy, they're probably in the middle of ignoring someone else's needs right then. Yes, correct. That's exactly how abusers expect us to think things work. The difference is whether the person asking you to be more X cares if you have agreed-upon criteria of what that even looks like. Given how many people ostensibly driven by positive motivations seem to be rubbed the wrong way by "empathy", well...
- nilirl 1y agoAh, I see, so when someone yells at me "Please don't stab me", it's actually, I, who is at risk of being stabbed.
- balamatom 1y agoPlease don't be like that. I don't condone you trying to stab anyone, but if you do anyway - I think it's quite obvious how that'll put you at a higher risk of getting stabbed yourself. Empathy!