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> Why spend the energy masking in the first place? Because of things like this: Coworker: "How are you doing?" Me: "Bad." The conversation, and the rest of
by pavel_lishin 1y ago
> Why spend the energy masking in the first place?
Because of things like this:
Coworker: "How are you doing?"
Me: "Bad."
The conversation, and the rest of my day, does not significantly improve from there.
- austin-cheney 1y agoDoes that example really require masking? Absolute not. You don't have to lie when you provide a neutral response. Examples: "Busy day", "Just feeling tired", "Many things to get done.". Those are not necessarily good or bad and suggest you aren't making small talk. Or, if you provide a never ending story they will see your disability for what it is and they won't ask you a second time.
- pavel_lishin 1y ago> Examples: "Busy day", "Just feeling tired", "Many things to get done.". That's masking.
- austin-cheney 1y agoNot if it is accurate to your actual day/emotions. Masking is a form of deception.
- freehorse 1y agoNot if you practice a few and cycle them all the time. How does that require any kind of effort once you practiced a bit?
- pavel_lishin 1y ago"This is an example of masking." "Not it's not, because if you practice masking, the masking becomes easy."
- freehorse 1y agoMasking is (supposed to denote) maladaptive strategy. Learning social and other skills is not the same thing. Hopelessness is being learnt, too.
- stronglikedan 1y agoI'd say that's not masking, since literally everyone does it. As a famous comedian that I can't quite place right now once said, (paraphrasing) "the only valid answers to "how are you doing?" are good, fine, or okay.
- pavel_lishin 1y agoBut I assume that for other people, it's easy, and doesn't take a spoon each time.
- stronglikedan 1y agoMost people are miserable, and will respond to the contrary. It's just a bad example of masking when everybody does it equally, IMHO.
- freehorse 1y agoHonestly, some things like this are solved with learning certain skills, practicing them a bit, and then it becoming easier. Answering to "How are you doing?" does not require masking, people asking it in casual contexts usually do not expect any kind of "honest answer". It is as hard as answering "hi" to "hi". There are plenty neutral answers that neither require you to smile and play it happy, not invite some long, awkward conversation. It could also depend on where you live though, of course.