5 ms·

If someone asks you not to record them at their own event, and you do, you're an asshole.

by squigz 1y ago

literalAardvark 1y ago
Not even to not record. Just to treat the pictures as private, which is an entirely reasonable request.
carlosjobim 1y ago
A wedding is one of the most fundamentally public events that have ever existed. The purpose is so that as many people as possible should know that these people are taken. Asking guests to not take photos is such a faux pass that the couple has destroyed their reputation completely. They can have a quiet and private ceremony instead if they have stage fright.
- watwut 1y ago
  The traditional purpose of the wedding was meeting and joining of families. The "as many people as possible" knowing about it was not a consideration all that much. > They can have a quiet and private ceremony instead if they have stage fright. That would be called "a wedding".
  - carlosjobim 1y ago
    Of course it was a huge consideration, as adultery was taken very seriously. And still is in some parts of the world. > That would be called "a wedding". That would be called a secret wedding, a very popular trope in old romance novels.
    - ThrownOffGame 1y ago
      Clandestine weddings have presented a huge problem for Church and State authorities at various points in space and time. A clandestine wedding would often leave significant doubt about the facts of the ritual, the participants, and their actual state of mind. In most places it really is not legal to conduct a clandestine wedding without strict regulation and some sort of documentation, before and after the fact. No officiant: invalid. No witnesses: invalid. Prior bond: invalid. Duress or coercion: invalid. These are all really, really important reasons for public ceremonies attended by, essentially, randos off the street.
  - t-3 1y ago
    There's definitely very huge cultural differences that might be getting in the way here. Many wedding traditions explicitly invite all and sundry to attend and witness. Most historical traditions around weddings that I'm aware of treat them as a community event at the very least, not a private affair involving only two families.
- justinclift 1y ago
  > A wedding is one of the most fundamentally public events that have ever existed. Not sure why you think that? Although weddings can be in public places, they don't have to be and it's quite common for only invited guests (ie not the public) to be present.
  - carlosjobim 1y ago
    It's still a public event even if everyone is not invited. English lacks the word to differentiate between "public" as "no secret, out in the open" and "public" as in "free for all and gratis". In this case we're talking about a public wedding as opposed to a secret wedding. Thus: A normal wedding with a normal amount of invited guests is one of the most non-secret events to exist. Asking for no photos is like participating in a big sports event as an athlete and demanding nobody takes photos.
    - Brildskfjfj 1y ago
      [dead]
    - dylan604 1y ago
      > Thus: A normal wedding with a normal amount of invited guests is one of the most non-secret events to exist private !== secret You seem to have this concept crossed in your thinking. Just because people know about it doesn't make it not private. Try getting into an event at Davos. Try getting into any well known event without an invitation. You'll see just how not public they are. The fact that people think it is acceptable to post pictures of other people on their social sites says it all. This couple's request is not egregious. Just because you can't imagine not posting something doesn't mean everyone else thinks the same way. This is just another example to me of how few people think of others first, and only ever think about "me me me"
      - carlosjobim 1y ago
        > Just because people know about it doesn't make it not private. That's exactly what I adressed in my comment above. You're explaining to me exactly what I've explained to you. Public can mean something which has been publicized = made known to the general public. In this case it doesn't mean that everybody is invited. You have a very hostile tone, for no apparent reason. Feel free to blow off steam if you need to, but try at least to understand the argument I'm making.
- triceratops 1y ago
  > Asking guests to not take photos I think they asked guests not to post photos of the couple.
- Brildskfjfj 1y ago
  [dead]
- bluecheese452 1y ago
  This is one of the weirdest takes I have ever heard.
  - carlosjobim 1y ago
    [flagged]
    - mothballed 1y ago
      It's a result of the law and the state taking the place of morality and ethics. If it is against the law it is bad and wrong. If it is legal it is OK and good. A large component of society has no particular code of ethics, religion, or internal moral framework. End result is if it's legal I can do it, and I shouldn't feel bad for doing so.
    - ambicapter 1y ago
      > It seems to be that there's a very strange crowd hanging out on Hacker News, who are not aware of very basic social rules. This is a hilarious example of pot calling the kettle black.
    - deleted 1y ago
      [deleted]
    - GJim 1y ago
      > Those include not trying to impress strange rules on guests you invite to an event. I think you will find it is both good etiquette and very common to make polite requests ("rules") of guests you invite..... whether these be to 'bring a bottle', 'smoke outside', 'wear black tie', 'wear your birthday suit' or 'don't film us'. If you can't accommodate such requests, don't go.
      - carlosjobim 1y ago
        One of those is different from the others. And yes, it's very common for people to not go to an event if the hosts are making up strange demands.
- hamdingers 1y ago
  > A wedding is one of the most fundamentally public events that have ever existed. Important context since it seems you have never been to a wedding: they are almost all invite-only.
- hahn-kev 1y ago
  So if you have a quiet and private ceremony is it ok to ask people who come to that not to take pictures?
  - seb1204 1y ago
    Yes, why not?
- basisword 1y ago
  >> Asking guests to not take photos is such a faux pass that the couple has destroyed their reputation completely. The day is not about you. Just like people are free to exclude children from weddings, if they ask you not to take photos and you take umbrage at that, you need to take a hard look at yourself. It's. Not. About. You.
  - carlosjobim 1y ago
    Almost every couple manage to arrange their wedding without any unusual rules and demands. So most people seem to have taken your advice at heart. My advice to you is trying to make your argument without tired and boring insults such as "take a hard look at yourself". People have different opinions and perspectives, you can only accept that. I've never made any strange rules for guests when I host, and I've politely declined the very rare cases when I've received such an invite. Because I know it's not about me.
    - basisword 1y ago
      You're free to dislike the request of the couple. I have no argument with that. People can be over the top. But I can't imagine skipping the wedding of someone I care about because I don't want to adhere to a simple request like not taking photos.
  - patmcc 1y ago
    I think this is a strange and very modern conception of weddings. Weddings are not just about the bride and groom; they're about the bride and groom and the community of their friends and family. That third part is a key component! It's why we invite people to weddings, so they can witness and help the couple in making and keeping the commitment of marriage.
    - basisword 1y ago
      True, of course, but they're the ones spending a fortune on it. Not only so they can have a memorable day but so their guests enjoy it too. Seems fair that if they ask you to do something really really easy like not take photos, you do that.
blitzar 1y ago
Anyone breaking the rules would be banned from my next wedding.
patmcc 1y ago
Yes, that's an asshole move. I think it's also pretty weird to ask people not to take photos though. edit: "no photos during the ceremony" is different than "no photos the entire event", obviously
- seb1204 1y ago
  I think the request was to not post them to social media.

If someone asks you not to record them at their own event, and you do, you're an asshole.

by squigz 1y ago

If someone asks you not to record them at their own event, and you do, you're an asshole.

literalAardvark 1y ago

Not even to not record. Just to treat the pictures as private, which is an entirely reasonable request.

carlosjobim 1y ago

A wedding is one of the most fundamentally public events that have ever existed. The purpose is so that as many people as possible should know that these people are taken. Asking guests to not take photos is such a faux pass that the couple has destroyed their reputation completely. They can have a quiet and private ceremony instead if they have stage fright.

watwut 1y ago
The traditional purpose of the wedding was meeting and joining of families. The "as many people as possible" knowing about it was not a consideration all that much. > They can have a quiet and private ceremony instead if they have stage fright. That would be called "a wedding".
- carlosjobim 1y ago
  Of course it was a huge consideration, as adultery was taken very seriously. And still is in some parts of the world. > That would be called "a wedding". That would be called a secret wedding, a very popular trope in old romance novels.
  - ThrownOffGame 1y ago
    Clandestine weddings have presented a huge problem for Church and State authorities at various points in space and time. A clandestine wedding would often leave significant doubt about the facts of the ritual, the participants, and their actual state of mind. In most places it really is not legal to conduct a clandestine wedding without strict regulation and some sort of documentation, before and after the fact. No officiant: invalid. No witnesses: invalid. Prior bond: invalid. Duress or coercion: invalid. These are all really, really important reasons for public ceremonies attended by, essentially, randos off the street.
- t-3 1y ago
  There's definitely very huge cultural differences that might be getting in the way here. Many wedding traditions explicitly invite all and sundry to attend and witness. Most historical traditions around weddings that I'm aware of treat them as a community event at the very least, not a private affair involving only two families.
justinclift 1y ago
> A wedding is one of the most fundamentally public events that have ever existed. Not sure why you think that? Although weddings can be in public places, they don't have to be and it's quite common for only invited guests (ie not the public) to be present.
- carlosjobim 1y ago
  It's still a public event even if everyone is not invited. English lacks the word to differentiate between "public" as "no secret, out in the open" and "public" as in "free for all and gratis". In this case we're talking about a public wedding as opposed to a secret wedding. Thus: A normal wedding with a normal amount of invited guests is one of the most non-secret events to exist. Asking for no photos is like participating in a big sports event as an athlete and demanding nobody takes photos.
  - Brildskfjfj 1y ago
    [dead]
  - dylan604 1y ago
    > Thus: A normal wedding with a normal amount of invited guests is one of the most non-secret events to exist private !== secret You seem to have this concept crossed in your thinking. Just because people know about it doesn't make it not private. Try getting into an event at Davos. Try getting into any well known event without an invitation. You'll see just how not public they are. The fact that people think it is acceptable to post pictures of other people on their social sites says it all. This couple's request is not egregious. Just because you can't imagine not posting something doesn't mean everyone else thinks the same way. This is just another example to me of how few people think of others first, and only ever think about "me me me"
    - carlosjobim 1y ago
      > Just because people know about it doesn't make it not private. That's exactly what I adressed in my comment above. You're explaining to me exactly what I've explained to you. Public can mean something which has been publicized = made known to the general public. In this case it doesn't mean that everybody is invited. You have a very hostile tone, for no apparent reason. Feel free to blow off steam if you need to, but try at least to understand the argument I'm making.
triceratops 1y ago
> Asking guests to not take photos I think they asked guests not to post photos of the couple.
Brildskfjfj 1y ago
[dead]
bluecheese452 1y ago
This is one of the weirdest takes I have ever heard.
- carlosjobim 1y ago
  [flagged]
  - mothballed 1y ago
    It's a result of the law and the state taking the place of morality and ethics. If it is against the law it is bad and wrong. If it is legal it is OK and good. A large component of society has no particular code of ethics, religion, or internal moral framework. End result is if it's legal I can do it, and I shouldn't feel bad for doing so.
  - ambicapter 1y ago
    > It seems to be that there's a very strange crowd hanging out on Hacker News, who are not aware of very basic social rules. This is a hilarious example of pot calling the kettle black.
  - deleted 1y ago
    [deleted]
  - GJim 1y ago
    > Those include not trying to impress strange rules on guests you invite to an event. I think you will find it is both good etiquette and very common to make polite requests ("rules") of guests you invite..... whether these be to 'bring a bottle', 'smoke outside', 'wear black tie', 'wear your birthday suit' or 'don't film us'. If you can't accommodate such requests, don't go.
    - carlosjobim 1y ago
      One of those is different from the others. And yes, it's very common for people to not go to an event if the hosts are making up strange demands.
hamdingers 1y ago
> A wedding is one of the most fundamentally public events that have ever existed. Important context since it seems you have never been to a wedding: they are almost all invite-only.
hahn-kev 1y ago
So if you have a quiet and private ceremony is it ok to ask people who come to that not to take pictures?
- seb1204 1y ago
  Yes, why not?
basisword 1y ago
>> Asking guests to not take photos is such a faux pass that the couple has destroyed their reputation completely. The day is not about you. Just like people are free to exclude children from weddings, if they ask you not to take photos and you take umbrage at that, you need to take a hard look at yourself. It's. Not. About. You.
- carlosjobim 1y ago
  Almost every couple manage to arrange their wedding without any unusual rules and demands. So most people seem to have taken your advice at heart. My advice to you is trying to make your argument without tired and boring insults such as "take a hard look at yourself". People have different opinions and perspectives, you can only accept that. I've never made any strange rules for guests when I host, and I've politely declined the very rare cases when I've received such an invite. Because I know it's not about me.
  - basisword 1y ago
    You're free to dislike the request of the couple. I have no argument with that. People can be over the top. But I can't imagine skipping the wedding of someone I care about because I don't want to adhere to a simple request like not taking photos.
- patmcc 1y ago
  I think this is a strange and very modern conception of weddings. Weddings are not just about the bride and groom; they're about the bride and groom and the community of their friends and family. That third part is a key component! It's why we invite people to weddings, so they can witness and help the couple in making and keeping the commitment of marriage.
  - basisword 1y ago
    True, of course, but they're the ones spending a fortune on it. Not only so they can have a memorable day but so their guests enjoy it too. Seems fair that if they ask you to do something really really easy like not take photos, you do that.

blitzar 1y ago

Anyone breaking the rules would be banned from my next wedding.

patmcc 1y ago

Yes, that's an asshole move. I think it's also pretty weird to ask people not to take photos though. edit: "no photos during the ceremony" is different than "no photos the entire event", obviously

seb1204 1y ago
I think the request was to not post them to social media.