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One thing I had to learn is that clear is kind and unclear is unkind. If your unstated expectations are unmet, it's on you. I used to be like the "she" in your
by nicbou 1y ago
One thing I had to learn is that clear is kind and unclear is unkind. If your unstated expectations are unmet, it's on you. I used to be like the "she" in your story, and I realised this behaviour is manipulative and rarely gets me what I want.
> Some people will take "no" as a rejection.
People say "no" because they mean "no", and people accept "no" as meaning "no". This is how adults communicate. I don't think you can both-sides this situation.
- deleted 1y ago[deleted]
- 1718627440 1y agoBut is it "No, I can't come." or "No, I don't like these things."
- the_snooze 1y agoIf you're the one declining the invite, the onus is on you to clarify which it is, not for the initiator to guess your intentions. In my life, I usually decline with "That doesn't work for me, but how about ${ALTERNATIVE_PLAN}?" It signals that the invitation is welcome, but doesn't work for practical reasons, so I'll return the kindness by proposing something else and leaving the other person in a clear and actionable position. As the parent comment said, clarity is kindness. If you're leaving people guessing, then you're being very unkind.
- 1718627440 1y agoOr maybe you intentionally didn't wanted the other to guess, but accept that you don't want to clarify.