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Realizing that life is in fact long, relatively speaking. The current culture seems to imply if you aren't successful yesterday you are a failure. I think this

Realizing that life is in fact long, relatively speaking. The current culture seems to imply if you aren't successful yesterday you are a failure. I think this mindset is deleterious to any serious undertaking/success. I am a strong believer in the old trope about being an overnight success in only 10 years. The important thing is to think about areas you are interested in, think about the necessary skills and begin the long trudge to learn them. Of course no one wants to hear this, they want the TL;DR version, but the joke is on them as it doesn't exist. My approach, if I were you, would be (long list ahead): 1: Find a job. Preferably in a field you can be passionate about, but really anywhere works to get a good routine and a reason to wake up. I worked nights in a warehouse through college, not an easy or fun job, but a great motive force to keep me on track in school. 2: Pick one skill of the N you think you ultimately need in your dream future. Spend at least the next year learning everything you can about that area. Find online forums, find educational materials, go to the library, haunt local meetups/talks in the area you are learning, ask really stupid questions to make sure you deeply understand things, ignore what others may think or say especially if their feedback is non-constructive (the world is, sadly, full of dicks). 3: Find someone in the area whose work you respect and try to contact them for any advice they may have. Most people, in my experience, are open to this as long as you aren't too needy/rambling (like me, right now), respect that them even taking time to write a single sentence is a gift, they really don't have to and lots of people are rather busy. 4: See if you can figure out ways to provide value before ever asking for anything. Perhaps someone has a PDF version of a book in the area you want to learn. Read it, take notes of typos, confusing points, errors. Reach out to them and ask how to send feedback (e-mail, forums, etc...) and give them what you have. People like favors, doing them will build positive capital for your future. 5: Repeat step 2 as many times as necessary. 6: Always be on the lookout for opportunities (jobs) that you are perhaps suddenly qualified for via your studies. Never eliminate yourself from a candidacy unless you clearly lack most required skills for the job. Make them say no to you, don't say it to yourself on their behalf. 7: See a doctor/counselor if you even suspect depression. Treatment exists and can be life changing. 8: Try to stay in shape. This can be as simple as taking daily walks/runs, swimming, joining a gym, just something to stay active. It helps a lot with mental acuity and focus. I myself struggle with this one, but I always feel better the more regularly I honor this. 9: Try and expose yourself to serendipity. This generally means go to talks, visit forums like HN, do everything you can to be exposed to the area you like and people in it.

20120908 14y ago
Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply! Re. 2: I'm still not sure what my "dream future" is since my "real" dreams (academia) are almost certainly out of reach at this point. Regarding 2-5: your advice requires N years here ... which is surely fine, but how can I avoid falling even further behind (in terms of CV, being a loner, ...)? Re. 6: I typically eliminate myself from a lot of positions not because I couldn't do the job (Excel, anyone?) but because there's no way I'd get through screening (see 20120910's comments on the reasons for this). Thanks again.
- ryanmolden 14y ago
  I wouldn't necessarily consider you 'real dreams' out of reach. I mean they may be more difficult now, but not impossible. Clayton Christensen, who is a world renowned professor at Harvard, says 'I had been out of college and in the working world for years before I figured out that I could make it back to school to teach and develop a generation of wonderful young people'[1]. Now, most of us aren't Clayton Christensen level of awesome, but I think the general point stands. You CAN make drastic changes in your life, even if you have gone off 'into the weeds'. As for CV fears, in my experience, in the tech industry (assuming this is the target industry, I don't know much about others), your CV/pedigree is less important compared to what you know / can do. Demonstrating the latter can be harder without having the former as leverage to 'get your foot in the door', but having public depots of things you have worked on (ala GitHub), helping out on OSS projects, networking with people in the area via meetups/tech talks/etc... are all good ways to 'get your name out' so you can rely less on credentials to get opportunity. I can definitely relate to the being a loner thing, I am myself. I have had a number of friends/family pass away and it has made me very hesitant to make close friends because losing people that are close to you sucks. Participating in online forums/mailing lists in order to learn and help others can be a good way to get some 'socializing' without having to actually socialize :) Then the next step would be dreaded socializing IRL, but that is less scary once you have established some kind of reputation, even if it is just 'that guy that answers questions on technology X on (mailing lists/StackOverflow/Other)'. Don't spend too much time worrying about other people or if they view you as a failure or whatnot. People that make those kind of sweeping judgments on others are, more often than not, worthless people to know/interact with. If your concerns are interviewing just realize it is a skill like any other. No one is really 'born good' at it. I think people that think they are either have interviewed only a few times and happened to get questions they already knew or areas they were very familiar with, have interviewed a lot and thus have a lot of practice, or they are just trying to appear awesome by acting like interviews are just a cakewalk for them. Most people get nervous at interviews, especially since you are basically competing for a job, which can be stress inducing. I don't know if there are tricks to getting better other than reading some of the better books on interview prep and practicing. I know some schools have mock interviews you can participate in (possibly only for alumni/current students) to get practice so you are less nervous. One other thing to keep in mind is most of the time the interview is not to see if you know the correct answer, or even if you can come up with it under a time/pressure deadline. Rather it is to see how you approach a problem, what kinds of questions you ask, how well you can verbalize your approach. Most interviewers will try and steer you towards the right answer if you are asking questions or 'throwing ideas out there', unless they suck at interviewing, in which case they just sit there mute while you wander around the answer space. Sucky interviewers suck, but you will likely encounter a few. 20120910 gives good advice, and he is honest that you may encounter a lot of depressing events (rejections, failures, etc..), but everyone does (okay, most everyone, some are born silver spoon firmly affixed in mouth). The important thing is learning from them, relentlessly improving and continuing on. Not to sound too 'self-helpy', but really the only one that can hold you back is yourself. There are lots of oppurtunities out there, finding them can be a challenge, but the reward is great. It is also a great feeling to know that you have done it yourself and things weren't handed to you. I watched an interview with Chris Sacca the other day[2] and he had a hilarious bit where he was talking about the entitlement of some of the straight out of college hires at Google who had never had much adversity in their life, how they were honestly getting pissed off because the cafeteria ran out of pheasant one day (obviously an exaggeration, but I have met people that would view that as a major problem in their life). Just know, you aren't the guy complaining about lack of pheasant :) [1] How Will You Measure Your Life - Clayton Christensen (http://www.amazon.com/How-Will-Measure-Your-Life/dp/0062102419/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347217293&sr=8-1&keywords=how+will+you+measure+your+life http://www.amazon.com/How-Will-Measure-Your-Life/dp/00621024...) [2] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6NpHbMFaQ8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6NpHbMFaQ8

20120908 14y ago

Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply! Re. 2: I'm still not sure what my "dream future" is since my "real" dreams (academia) are almost certainly out of reach at this point. Regarding 2-5: your advice requires N years here ... which is surely fine, but how can I avoid falling even further behind (in terms of CV, being a loner, ...)? Re. 6: I typically eliminate myself from a lot of positions not because I couldn't do the job (Excel, anyone?) but because there's no way I'd get through screening (see 20120910's comments on the reasons for this). Thanks again.

ryanmolden 14y ago
I wouldn't necessarily consider you 'real dreams' out of reach. I mean they may be more difficult now, but not impossible. Clayton Christensen, who is a world renowned professor at Harvard, says 'I had been out of college and in the working world for years before I figured out that I could make it back to school to teach and develop a generation of wonderful young people'[1]. Now, most of us aren't Clayton Christensen level of awesome, but I think the general point stands. You CAN make drastic changes in your life, even if you have gone off 'into the weeds'. As for CV fears, in my experience, in the tech industry (assuming this is the target industry, I don't know much about others), your CV/pedigree is less important compared to what you know / can do. Demonstrating the latter can be harder without having the former as leverage to 'get your foot in the door', but having public depots of things you have worked on (ala GitHub), helping out on OSS projects, networking with people in the area via meetups/tech talks/etc... are all good ways to 'get your name out' so you can rely less on credentials to get opportunity. I can definitely relate to the being a loner thing, I am myself. I have had a number of friends/family pass away and it has made me very hesitant to make close friends because losing people that are close to you sucks. Participating in online forums/mailing lists in order to learn and help others can be a good way to get some 'socializing' without having to actually socialize :) Then the next step would be dreaded socializing IRL, but that is less scary once you have established some kind of reputation, even if it is just 'that guy that answers questions on technology X on (mailing lists/StackOverflow/Other)'. Don't spend too much time worrying about other people or if they view you as a failure or whatnot. People that make those kind of sweeping judgments on others are, more often than not, worthless people to know/interact with. If your concerns are interviewing just realize it is a skill like any other. No one is really 'born good' at it. I think people that think they are either have interviewed only a few times and happened to get questions they already knew or areas they were very familiar with, have interviewed a lot and thus have a lot of practice, or they are just trying to appear awesome by acting like interviews are just a cakewalk for them. Most people get nervous at interviews, especially since you are basically competing for a job, which can be stress inducing. I don't know if there are tricks to getting better other than reading some of the better books on interview prep and practicing. I know some schools have mock interviews you can participate in (possibly only for alumni/current students) to get practice so you are less nervous. One other thing to keep in mind is most of the time the interview is not to see if you know the correct answer, or even if you can come up with it under a time/pressure deadline. Rather it is to see how you approach a problem, what kinds of questions you ask, how well you can verbalize your approach. Most interviewers will try and steer you towards the right answer if you are asking questions or 'throwing ideas out there', unless they suck at interviewing, in which case they just sit there mute while you wander around the answer space. Sucky interviewers suck, but you will likely encounter a few. 20120910 gives good advice, and he is honest that you may encounter a lot of depressing events (rejections, failures, etc..), but everyone does (okay, most everyone, some are born silver spoon firmly affixed in mouth). The important thing is learning from them, relentlessly improving and continuing on. Not to sound too 'self-helpy', but really the only one that can hold you back is yourself. There are lots of oppurtunities out there, finding them can be a challenge, but the reward is great. It is also a great feeling to know that you have done it yourself and things weren't handed to you. I watched an interview with Chris Sacca the other day[2] and he had a hilarious bit where he was talking about the entitlement of some of the straight out of college hires at Google who had never had much adversity in their life, how they were honestly getting pissed off because the cafeteria ran out of pheasant one day (obviously an exaggeration, but I have met people that would view that as a major problem in their life). Just know, you aren't the guy complaining about lack of pheasant :) [1] How Will You Measure Your Life - Clayton Christensen (http://www.amazon.com/How-Will-Measure-Your-Life/dp/0062102419/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347217293&sr=8-1&keywords=how+will+you+measure+your+life http://www.amazon.com/How-Will-Measure-Your-Life/dp/00621024...) [2] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6NpHbMFaQ8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6NpHbMFaQ8