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Years ago, I met someone at a large company and they perused a friendship with me. I was always friendly, and I invited them to larger parties because I conside

Years ago, I met someone at a large company and they perused a friendship with me. I was always friendly, and I invited them to larger parties because I considered them part of my extended group of friends. But, they really struggled at life. I moved away, and I never made the effort to keep in touch. A few years ago they called me to talk. We caught up, and it was clear they still struggled at life. A few phone calls later, they got "stuck" on a topic and wouldn't converse, instead arguing with me when there was no argument to have. I ended the call, and I don't really want to hear from them again. (Basically, they were going off on their opinions about guns and not listening enough to me to know when I was agreeing and when my opinion differed.) It became clear why they struggle at life, and it's disappointing that they don't have the insight into why they struggle.

calf 1y ago
Then why is it clear that they struggle at life? Just because they have bad cognitive logical skills? I don't buy that argument.
- gwbas1c 1y ago
  I don't like to go into personal details, so I'll offer a high-level summary: They insist on living in a high-cost-of-living area, but can't hold the kind of job needed to live there. Moving to a lower-cost-of-living area where they can be employed isn't considered. They don't have insight into who makes a good romantic partner / spouse. (Think of the stereotype who imports a "Russian Bride.") They get into bar fights, in part because they will talk without listening to others' opinions. (And because they don't understand important differences between US culture and where they immigrated from.) --- I have a few people in my life who stop listening when they get agitated, so I personally have little patience for changing people. Trying to get these people to listen to reason is a fools' errand, so I no longer try and just end the conversation as quickly as possible.
fragmede 1y ago
Sounds like they reached out to you because they remembered your kindness. Maybe they were hoping for a bit of grounding. You noticed something about why they struggle. Something they clearly don’t see. That insight, offered with care, might actually help them. It’s not your job to fix anyone, but since you’ve seen the pattern, you’re in a position to say something. You might be the only one who can break through.
- gwbas1c 1y ago
  > You might be the only one who can break through. I doubt it. I tried in the past, but it was clear that they didn't want to listen to reason so I just changed the subject.

calf 1y ago

Then why is it clear that they struggle at life? Just because they have bad cognitive logical skills? I don't buy that argument.

gwbas1c 1y ago
I don't like to go into personal details, so I'll offer a high-level summary: They insist on living in a high-cost-of-living area, but can't hold the kind of job needed to live there. Moving to a lower-cost-of-living area where they can be employed isn't considered. They don't have insight into who makes a good romantic partner / spouse. (Think of the stereotype who imports a "Russian Bride.") They get into bar fights, in part because they will talk without listening to others' opinions. (And because they don't understand important differences between US culture and where they immigrated from.) --- I have a few people in my life who stop listening when they get agitated, so I personally have little patience for changing people. Trying to get these people to listen to reason is a fools' errand, so I no longer try and just end the conversation as quickly as possible.

fragmede 1y ago

Sounds like they reached out to you because they remembered your kindness. Maybe they were hoping for a bit of grounding. You noticed something about why they struggle. Something they clearly don’t see. That insight, offered with care, might actually help them. It’s not your job to fix anyone, but since you’ve seen the pattern, you’re in a position to say something. You might be the only one who can break through.

gwbas1c 1y ago
> You might be the only one who can break through. I doubt it. I tried in the past, but it was clear that they didn't want to listen to reason so I just changed the subject.