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> I wonder if this is the uncomfortable truth behind low birth rates in the modern world, and nobody ever really _wanted_ to raise kids so much as they just kin
by rayiner 1y ago
> I wonder if this is the uncomfortable truth behind low birth rates in the modern world, and nobody ever really _wanted_ to raise kids so much as they just kinda had to (especially if they wanted to have sex)
I don't know how "uncomfortable" the truth is. In Islam, there's a principle that getting married (and presumably having kids) is half your religion. People were talking about social frameworks to incentivize marriage and reproduction 1,400 years ago. Maybe some people are uncomfortable with it now.
Putting religion aside, there's a biological aspect to this as well. Having children rewires your brain. People who don't have kids yet have little ability to know how they'll feel about it in advance. Talking about what people "want" a priori doesn't really make sense.
To use an analogy, I recently visited Napa and really enjoyed it. I had talked myself into the idea I wouldn't like it--too bougie, etc. But of course I liked Napa. Most people like Napa. It's literally famous for being enjoyable. I wasn't special or different, I had just developed intellectual reasons to think I'd dislike something that's more of a brain-stem level experience to begin with.
- FredPret 1y agoThis is a good argument. It’s hard to be wise about what one might like or dislike in possible lifestyle choices. But there are some possible enlightening questions for this and other brain-stem-level experiences like marriage and babies: - did millions of years of evolution program my brain stem to like this? - do lots of other people in other places and times do X, and after they’ve done X, do it again? I think our brain stems and simpler functions must be very similar to one another. After all, visual illusions, the smell of bacon, and stories of human drama have similar effects on ~everyone.
- deleted 1y ago[deleted]
- CalRobert 1y agoI’m not sure it does require everyone’s brain. I love being a dad (and thought I would before having kids too) but there are a LOT of parents who regret having kids. The strong stigma against admitting regret, especially for moms, means that if anything it’s underreported. And having it be part of a religion’s expectations seems like that suggests for some people at least it’s more duty than desire, does it not?
- rayiner 1y agoI’m sure there’s some people like that. I also expect that many of those people, though not all, are more disappointed about their life trajectories that likely wouldn’t have changed even if they hadn’t had kids.