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I appreciate your remark on this post. In general I have to say I am sick of people using the "F" word so lightly on this forum. I have an 11 years old very cu
by okeumeni 18y ago
I appreciate your remark on this post.
In general I have to say I am sick of people using the "F" word so lightly on this forum. I have an 11 years old very curious daughter that I adore, she get on my laptop all the time and is very interested in what I do. I have been very concern about what will happen if she sees that I’m reading stuff with such language in it. We should all do something about this.
Demod me if you want but this is a real problem from the concern parent that I am.
- tptacek 18y agoMine are 9 and 7. If your 11 year old isn't already using the word "fuck", I would be concerned about social norms. The fact is, the Internet is a big scary place, and Hacker News is the very least of the problem, so let's not bother addressing this issue.
- okeumeni 18y agoI’m far from being an expert on this, so take it easy from a fellow parent. There’s a huge difference about you reading or using profanity near you child than him/her hearing it on TV or reading on the internet.
- Jebdm 18y agoI agree. Eleven years old is ~6th grade; she probably hears words like "fuck" on a regular basis at school. The only logical arguments I've heard for not letting kids swear are: - It's against the social norm (it'll get them in trouble) - It lessens the words' value. Since kids invariably will encounter swear words at some point, trying to shield them is pretty hopeless. The best solution is to mitigate the two problems above; teach them when they shouldn't swear (mainly in front of adults) and not to swear like a sixth-grader ("Hey, man, what the fuck are you doing today? Shit, I've got a fuckton of goddamn homework.") Swearing at people is another thing entirely, though.
- tptacek 18y agoOur policy is similar. Erin and I don't avoid swearing at home ourselves, but the kids are strictly forbidden from swearing. It's not about the words themselves (I see no moral issue with swearing), but rather about discipline and respect; this is a simple bright-line boundary.
- okeumeni 18y agoRespect goes both ways, if you expect some you should start by giving.
- tptacek 18y agoMy kids are expected to respect my judgement and authority, in that they are kids and I am an adult. I am expected to respect many things about them, but their authority is not among them. I am also allowed to stay up really late, a privilege that is also not reciprocal. I think I'm done now talking about swearing on Hacker News.
- bmelton 18y agoFor what it's worth, I've had good results with the opposite approach. My daughter (now 7) has been allowed to curse as long as she's been allowed to talk. That said, there are boundaries that she understands clearly -- she's not allowed to use curse words at school, for the same reasons I choose not to swear at work. She knows and understands that it isn't an appropriate place to use foul language. At home, she's free to use whatever language crosses her mind. She is also not allowed to curse AT people anywhere, because it's mean. She's a smart, responsible, well adjusted child who rarely uses foul language. Occasionally we'll hear something like "I can't figure out how to work this damn thing," when playing on the Wii, but she doesn't run around like a Tourette's sufferer either.
- Goladus 18y agoIf an 11 year old is using fuck I would be concerned about social norms. There's no reason to swear playing kickball.
- SMorris 18y agoI agree. At 11, I would be concerned if my child WASN'T swearing! It's now normal for an 11 year old to be using the word "FUCK" alot, so I would wonder about one who wasn't saying that on a regular basis instead of worrying about it if he/she was. Let kids cuss! They qare going to eventually anyway.
- jawngee 18y agoCmon dude really? Should anyone on HN be concerned about your spawn? That's your job, not ours, and this isn't Dave and Busters. Sorry if that sounds dickish, but this is really the last place any of us should be concerned about children reading, specifically your children.
- jodrellblank 18y agoYou could install a greasemonkey profanity filter: http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/4175 http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/4175
- JabavuAdams 18y agoYou could teach her that "fuck" is a good word to express a specific emotion. Using it all the time risks other people thinking she is vulgar. Using it at just the right moment can be very effective in conveying her thinking. I have a new daughter, and this is the approach I'm going to try. We'll try to convey that there are no bad words, per se -- only more or less appropriate times to use words. We'll also point out others' likely reactions. I still remember how in University a friend of mine who "never" swore got everyone to pay attention when she finally did say "fuck".
- Goladus 18y agoWhich specific emotion does "fuck" express? It seems to me like the word doesn't really express a specific emotion, rather tends to add some vague sense of anger to whatever else you were trying to express.
- JabavuAdams 18y agoTrue. The "specific emotion" bit seems like nonsense, in retrospect. I guess it would be more accurate to say that "fuck" can be an effective way to convey sharp emphasis, or the vague frustration you mentioned.
- DavidSJ 18y agoThe word "fuck" won't hurt your daughter.