"Thanks for working so hard to help us exceed our numbers and boost our stock price slightly this quarter. That kind of hard work means we can get more work do

"Thanks for working so hard to help us exceed our numbers and boost our stock price slightly this quarter. That kind of hard work means we can get more work done with fewer people, so we're excited today to announce across-the-board layoffs to accelerate the 'fewer people' process. We've always said that Craptech is like a family, so just think of yourself as that estranged uncle that nobody talks to anymor, and who doesn't have a job."