6 ms·

Women are anonymously spilling tea about men in their cities on viral app

16 points by OutOfHere 1y ago

OutOfHere 1y ago
Spreading gossip on anyone is extremely evil. It's even more evil when there is a dearth of evidence-seeking objectivity as is commonly the case in society. Doxxing someone's personal details is independently evil. Defamation is simply illegal. There have existed background search services, video chat, location sharing, ID exchange, test results exchange, etc. which do the job without gossip.
- sillyfluke 1y ago
  >Spreading gossip on anyone is extremely evil. This a naive take. A moderate amount of gossip is good for society. It's a poor man's way of weeding out sociopaths who try to control people using information asymmetry, and who themselves don't have any qualms about spreading falsehoods.
  - OutOfHere 1y ago
    To be clear, it is those who spread unsubstantiated gossip that are the sociopaths.
    - sillyfluke 1y ago
      Yes I agree that could be the case, and people figure out which are the falsehoods by the act of gossiping as well, which is the point I'm making (like the anonymous salary data publishing site example I mentioned in another comment). A generic example: Jack tells Bob Alice spiked his promotion (a lie), knowing they are not on speaking terms and thinking Bob won't confront Alice. If Bob gossips to Alice about what Jack said, he is in a healthier position to make an assessment about the situation. Don't leave the gossiping to sociopaths is what I'm saying.
      - tempnew 1y ago
        Got to fight fire with fire. Only way to beat a sociopath is by being a bigger sociopath. Yet, I try to go a different way myself. I choose vulnerability over taking on sociopathic behavior. I’ll probably never become wealthy this way, but virtue is its own reward.
        sillyfluke 1y ago
        Well what do you fight bad laws with? That's right you guessed it...other laws. Fighting fire with fire is everywhere. Crackers vs DRM, Reverse engineering vs vendor lockin, whistleblower protection, South Park vs MAGA, you name it. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good by letting those with no moral code run rampant all over the place.
  - soraminazuki 1y ago
    > This a naive take. The site is no different from Kiwi Farms, and I'm sure they too believe that they have a just cause. Doesn't matter. Bending over backwards to justify this isn't a naivety-defying smart take, it's just plain horrid. > A moderate amount of gossip is good for society. From the article: > "What clubs does he go to?" another person asked on a different post. "He’s cute." You think this is social justice? Many jurisdictions have laws against online stalking and doxxing.
    - sillyfluke 1y ago
      My comment was not addressing anything about Tea specifically, I was responding to the extreme generalization that was being made in that comment, which I directly quoted. We should be careful not to extremely overcorrect in response is all I'm saying. A site that that publishes salary data provided by anonymous users is also a type of "gossip site" for example.
- archagon 1y ago
  If I dated somebody who was abusive or a cheater, I would absolutely want everyone in their future dating pool to know. There's nothing evil about that; if anything, it's more "evil" to stay silent and let innocent people get hurt.
  - deleted 1y ago
    [deleted]
  - archagon 1y ago
    [flagged]
  - OutOfHere 1y ago
    The issue is that no one knows who posts the truth and who posts exaggerations or lies. People can sometimes have a personal vendetta that is rooted in emotion or even idiocy. I imagine that the app isn't exactly set up to vote on assertions with personal accounts, to allow the truth to emerge. I will tell you a very simple way to avoid cheaters if that's your goal. Look at their interests. Do their interests involve meeting people and doing lots of social things? Or are they more of an academic type? If they're the former, odds are they will cheat on you eventually. I basically told my partner directly that it's impossible for any man to truly promise that he will never cheat, but my interests make it extremely unlikely that I will, and she was okay with this assertion.
  - sillyfluke 1y ago
    I agree that this take should be very uncontroversial and innocuous under normal circumstances. Your other comment got flagged to death because commenting about being downvoted is against the guidelines. Frankly I'm against downvoting people simply because I disagree with them, but I think you have to admit you haven't really addressed the problem mentioned in this thread. The whole issue here is the "a lie travels halfway around the world before the truth puts their boots on" phenomenon of the social media virality era. It's a difficult problem to solve, but if you have a suggestion for allowing people to help others avoid abusive people without ruining innocent people's lives on the way I'm sure some people here would be curious.
duxup 1y ago
> Upon opening Tea, users are presented with local men whose photos have been uploaded, along with their first names. For each of the men, other women on the app can report whether they deem him a “red flag” or a “green flag” and leave comments about him, such as those recounting negative date experiences or vouching for him as a friend. The potential problems with this seems obvious… People on the internet love to judge, gossip and people who know nothing are happy to pile on and spread rumors. Just the ability to post photos reminds me of the old creepy “fashion” subreddits that clearly were not about fashion…
sigwinch 1y ago
Should be obvious that purposefully publicizing some derivative of reputation is going to be used for more harm than good. New Federal laws mean that individuals can get certain pictures removed. AI likenesses might circumvent those, but you have to wonder how far to trust (positive or negative) anonymous ratings from someone who put the work into crafting an avatar of some guy. While there’s a noble pursuit behind it, we’ll never see the trouble that it prevented. Instead we’ll see scams where a guy will provide doctored screenshots from Tea that cannot be independently verified. Of course, he’ll be new in town, or need some money.
bix6 1y ago
[flagged]
- OutOfHere 1y ago
  Why is it not enough to seek a well-educated person with a good demeanor and character, and to break off the relationship otherwise? Why are these not of help: established background search services, video chat, location sharing, ID exchange, etc. How do you know what "all the women" are sharing is even true? Do you think it would be okay for men to also have an app to share dirty laundry about women? If not, why not? (I don't, but at least I am consistent.)
  - bix6 1y ago
    Because all of those rely on signals that can be faked. What background service will know that a man cheated on his previous partner? She may be the only one who knows and by sharing it she prevents another from the same fate. Of course there are concerns with false signals here as well so I’m not saying it’s perfect but people have a right to defend themselves. And if you’re a good person the chance of you getting falsely slandered on the app is low because why would anyone bother? I’m fine with men having a similar system and I would imagine there is a group for it.
    - OutOfHere 1y ago
      Women (or people) can be highly emotional at times, and they risk blurting out nonsense on the app when they're in a bad mood. It is precisely at these times when they can do their worst. Of course I want them to be safe, but safety begins with seeking good proxy traits in a person that minimize the risk of abusive behavior to begin with. They also sometimes continue an abusive relationship when they should be ending it asap. Also, there are worse things, like STIs, that the app could do nothing about, with the point being that anyone who shares a recent panel result is likely invested in mutual safety anyway.
    - pdntspa 1y ago
      > if you’re a good person And don't do anything controversial. And keep or share space with squeaky clean company. And avoid pissing others off. This whole 'if you're a good person you have nothing to fear' BS stinks of the same ignorance as "if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear". It is like capriciousness does not exist in the heads of these fools.
mcs5280 1y ago
They leaked all their users identify verification photos this morning, turns out they were storing them in an open firebase bucket.
- chupasaurus 1y ago
  Such safety @ much wow.
- aaron695 1y ago
  [edit] link to the HN hacking discussion - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44684373 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44684373 On topic: how this doxed person got their details removed - https://x.com/JacobJohnson494/status/1948222924235624870 https://x.com/JacobJohnson494/status/1948222924235624870 ------------ 4chan thread with details of the hack - https://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/511317913 https://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/511317913 A 60 Gig torrent exists of the data - https://x.com/cremieuxrecueil/status/1948787086493901097 https://x.com/cremieuxrecueil/status/1948787086493901097
  - OutOfHere 1y ago
    I don't see the link to the 60G torrent, but I did see: 18.13GB: magnet:?xt=urn:btih:3e5a8c55eb4720b4fbd1d0fb5c45adb0fad53569&dn=tea
    - teddyh 1y ago
      The big one is (allegedly): magnet:?xt=urn:btih:brl45s3ysyotj6ljolmtnrlvfmyv4y7s&dn=tea&xl=59368985613&fc=57794
  - Pigalowda 1y ago
    Are you shadow banned? I can only upvote and comment on this single edited comment from you. Are edited comments unflagged somehow? Weird.
pridzone 1y ago
It would be in Apple and Google’s best interest to pull these apps immediately. Multiple Supreme Court justices have indicated an interest in narrowing the breadth of section 230 immunity. This app, structured entirely around effecting the reputation of private individuals, provides a relatively clean case to do so. It’s not a stretch that the app could be considered a ‘developer in part’ of the content it hosts, and thus lose section 230 protection. A narrowing of section 230 would not be good for Apple or Google, though they wouldn’t face any liability for the Tea apps conduct.
- Dracophoenix 1y ago
  Even if Section 230 is written out, the First Amendment still defends app makers from prior restraint. As demonstrated in Snyder v Phelps, It's not illegal to embarrass private individuals or provide a service/platform that permits such an outcome.
  - pridzone 1y ago
    It is potentially illegal to embarrass private individuals. It’s covered by state defamation and privacy torts. Privacy torts, such as ‘public disclosure of private facts’ can apply even if the information is true. Without section 230 immunity, the app developer can face liability for user generated content. Section 230 protections don’t apply if the app acted as a ‘developer in part’ of the content.
    - Dracophoenix 1y ago
      Thank you for the clarification.
cindyllm 1y ago
[dead]
dang 1y ago
Related ongoing thread; others? Women dating safety app 'Tea' breached, users' IDs posted to 4chan - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44684373 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44684373 - July 2025 (67 comments)
- scotty79 1y ago
  "Signing up for Tea requires users to take selfies, which the app says are deleted after review, to prove they are women." .... riiight
  - 2OEH8eoCRo0 1y ago
    [flagged]
- 1970-01-01 1y ago
  Won't be long before NBC will update or retract the story. Clearly they're going to be named and shamed. "Women to beware leaked tea" is a funny story.
ashoeafoot 1y ago
They do that openly on TikTok. The love of your life needs an extra for fake soapopera drama..
bjourne 1y ago
There were Facebook groups like these in Sweden. Men were given labels such as "fuckboys", "charming appearance, disappointing performance in bed", and "sexually attracted to children"... Whoever think things like these work better because it's women talking shit about men, rather than the contrary, is delusional.

16 points by OutOfHere 1y ago

Spreading gossip on anyone is extremely evil. It's even more evil when there is a dearth of evidence-seeking objectivity as is commonly the case in society. Doxxing someone's personal details is independently evil. Defamation is simply illegal. There have existed background search services, video chat, location sharing, ID exchange, test results exchange, etc. which do the job without gossip.

sillyfluke 1y ago
>Spreading gossip on anyone is extremely evil. This a naive take. A moderate amount of gossip is good for society. It's a poor man's way of weeding out sociopaths who try to control people using information asymmetry, and who themselves don't have any qualms about spreading falsehoods.
- OutOfHere 1y ago
  To be clear, it is those who spread unsubstantiated gossip that are the sociopaths.
  - sillyfluke 1y ago
    Yes I agree that could be the case, and people figure out which are the falsehoods by the act of gossiping as well, which is the point I'm making (like the anonymous salary data publishing site example I mentioned in another comment). A generic example: Jack tells Bob Alice spiked his promotion (a lie), knowing they are not on speaking terms and thinking Bob won't confront Alice. If Bob gossips to Alice about what Jack said, he is in a healthier position to make an assessment about the situation. Don't leave the gossiping to sociopaths is what I'm saying.
    - tempnew 1y ago
      Got to fight fire with fire. Only way to beat a sociopath is by being a bigger sociopath. Yet, I try to go a different way myself. I choose vulnerability over taking on sociopathic behavior. I’ll probably never become wealthy this way, but virtue is its own reward.
      - sillyfluke 1y ago
        Well what do you fight bad laws with? That's right you guessed it...other laws. Fighting fire with fire is everywhere. Crackers vs DRM, Reverse engineering vs vendor lockin, whistleblower protection, South Park vs MAGA, you name it. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good by letting those with no moral code run rampant all over the place.
- soraminazuki 1y ago
  > This a naive take. The site is no different from Kiwi Farms, and I'm sure they too believe that they have a just cause. Doesn't matter. Bending over backwards to justify this isn't a naivety-defying smart take, it's just plain horrid. > A moderate amount of gossip is good for society. From the article: > "What clubs does he go to?" another person asked on a different post. "He’s cute." You think this is social justice? Many jurisdictions have laws against online stalking and doxxing.
  - sillyfluke 1y ago
    My comment was not addressing anything about Tea specifically, I was responding to the extreme generalization that was being made in that comment, which I directly quoted. We should be careful not to extremely overcorrect in response is all I'm saying. A site that that publishes salary data provided by anonymous users is also a type of "gossip site" for example.
archagon 1y ago
If I dated somebody who was abusive or a cheater, I would absolutely want everyone in their future dating pool to know. There's nothing evil about that; if anything, it's more "evil" to stay silent and let innocent people get hurt.
- deleted 1y ago
  [deleted]
- archagon 1y ago
  [flagged]
- OutOfHere 1y ago
  The issue is that no one knows who posts the truth and who posts exaggerations or lies. People can sometimes have a personal vendetta that is rooted in emotion or even idiocy. I imagine that the app isn't exactly set up to vote on assertions with personal accounts, to allow the truth to emerge. I will tell you a very simple way to avoid cheaters if that's your goal. Look at their interests. Do their interests involve meeting people and doing lots of social things? Or are they more of an academic type? If they're the former, odds are they will cheat on you eventually. I basically told my partner directly that it's impossible for any man to truly promise that he will never cheat, but my interests make it extremely unlikely that I will, and she was okay with this assertion.
- sillyfluke 1y ago
  I agree that this take should be very uncontroversial and innocuous under normal circumstances. Your other comment got flagged to death because commenting about being downvoted is against the guidelines. Frankly I'm against downvoting people simply because I disagree with them, but I think you have to admit you haven't really addressed the problem mentioned in this thread. The whole issue here is the "a lie travels halfway around the world before the truth puts their boots on" phenomenon of the social media virality era. It's a difficult problem to solve, but if you have a suggestion for allowing people to help others avoid abusive people without ruining innocent people's lives on the way I'm sure some people here would be curious.

duxup 1y ago

> Upon opening Tea, users are presented with local men whose photos have been uploaded, along with their first names. For each of the men, other women on the app can report whether they deem him a “red flag” or a “green flag” and leave comments about him, such as those recounting negative date experiences or vouching for him as a friend. The potential problems with this seems obvious… People on the internet love to judge, gossip and people who know nothing are happy to pile on and spread rumors. Just the ability to post photos reminds me of the old creepy “fashion” subreddits that clearly were not about fashion…

sigwinch 1y ago

Should be obvious that purposefully publicizing some derivative of reputation is going to be used for more harm than good. New Federal laws mean that individuals can get certain pictures removed. AI likenesses might circumvent those, but you have to wonder how far to trust (positive or negative) anonymous ratings from someone who put the work into crafting an avatar of some guy. While there’s a noble pursuit behind it, we’ll never see the trouble that it prevented. Instead we’ll see scams where a guy will provide doctored screenshots from Tea that cannot be independently verified. Of course, he’ll be new in town, or need some money.

bix6 1y ago

[flagged]

OutOfHere 1y ago
Why is it not enough to seek a well-educated person with a good demeanor and character, and to break off the relationship otherwise? Why are these not of help: established background search services, video chat, location sharing, ID exchange, etc. How do you know what "all the women" are sharing is even true? Do you think it would be okay for men to also have an app to share dirty laundry about women? If not, why not? (I don't, but at least I am consistent.)
- bix6 1y ago
  Because all of those rely on signals that can be faked. What background service will know that a man cheated on his previous partner? She may be the only one who knows and by sharing it she prevents another from the same fate. Of course there are concerns with false signals here as well so I’m not saying it’s perfect but people have a right to defend themselves. And if you’re a good person the chance of you getting falsely slandered on the app is low because why would anyone bother? I’m fine with men having a similar system and I would imagine there is a group for it.
  - OutOfHere 1y ago
    Women (or people) can be highly emotional at times, and they risk blurting out nonsense on the app when they're in a bad mood. It is precisely at these times when they can do their worst. Of course I want them to be safe, but safety begins with seeking good proxy traits in a person that minimize the risk of abusive behavior to begin with. They also sometimes continue an abusive relationship when they should be ending it asap. Also, there are worse things, like STIs, that the app could do nothing about, with the point being that anyone who shares a recent panel result is likely invested in mutual safety anyway.
  - pdntspa 1y ago
    > if you’re a good person And don't do anything controversial. And keep or share space with squeaky clean company. And avoid pissing others off. This whole 'if you're a good person you have nothing to fear' BS stinks of the same ignorance as "if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear". It is like capriciousness does not exist in the heads of these fools.

mcs5280 1y ago

They leaked all their users identify verification photos this morning, turns out they were storing them in an open firebase bucket.

chupasaurus 1y ago
Such safety @ much wow.
aaron695 1y ago
[edit] link to the HN hacking discussion - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44684373 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44684373 On topic: how this doxed person got their details removed - https://x.com/JacobJohnson494/status/1948222924235624870 https://x.com/JacobJohnson494/status/1948222924235624870 ------------ 4chan thread with details of the hack - https://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/511317913 https://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/511317913 A 60 Gig torrent exists of the data - https://x.com/cremieuxrecueil/status/1948787086493901097 https://x.com/cremieuxrecueil/status/1948787086493901097
- OutOfHere 1y ago
  I don't see the link to the 60G torrent, but I did see: 18.13GB: magnet:?xt=urn:btih:3e5a8c55eb4720b4fbd1d0fb5c45adb0fad53569&dn=tea
  - teddyh 1y ago
    The big one is (allegedly): magnet:?xt=urn:btih:brl45s3ysyotj6ljolmtnrlvfmyv4y7s&dn=tea&xl=59368985613&fc=57794
- Pigalowda 1y ago
  Are you shadow banned? I can only upvote and comment on this single edited comment from you. Are edited comments unflagged somehow? Weird.

pridzone 1y ago

It would be in Apple and Google’s best interest to pull these apps immediately. Multiple Supreme Court justices have indicated an interest in narrowing the breadth of section 230 immunity. This app, structured entirely around effecting the reputation of private individuals, provides a relatively clean case to do so. It’s not a stretch that the app could be considered a ‘developer in part’ of the content it hosts, and thus lose section 230 protection. A narrowing of section 230 would not be good for Apple or Google, though they wouldn’t face any liability for the Tea apps conduct.

Dracophoenix 1y ago
Even if Section 230 is written out, the First Amendment still defends app makers from prior restraint. As demonstrated in Snyder v Phelps, It's not illegal to embarrass private individuals or provide a service/platform that permits such an outcome.
- pridzone 1y ago
  It is potentially illegal to embarrass private individuals. It’s covered by state defamation and privacy torts. Privacy torts, such as ‘public disclosure of private facts’ can apply even if the information is true. Without section 230 immunity, the app developer can face liability for user generated content. Section 230 protections don’t apply if the app acted as a ‘developer in part’ of the content.
  - Dracophoenix 1y ago
    Thank you for the clarification.

cindyllm 1y ago

[dead]

dang 1y ago

Related ongoing thread; others? Women dating safety app 'Tea' breached, users' IDs posted to 4chan - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44684373 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44684373 - July 2025 (67 comments)

scotty79 1y ago
"Signing up for Tea requires users to take selfies, which the app says are deleted after review, to prove they are women." .... riiight
- 2OEH8eoCRo0 1y ago
  [flagged]
1970-01-01 1y ago
Won't be long before NBC will update or retract the story. Clearly they're going to be named and shamed. "Women to beware leaked tea" is a funny story.

ashoeafoot 1y ago

They do that openly on TikTok. The love of your life needs an extra for fake soapopera drama..

bjourne 1y ago

There were Facebook groups like these in Sweden. Men were given labels such as "fuckboys", "charming appearance, disappointing performance in bed", and "sexually attracted to children"... Whoever think things like these work better because it's women talking shit about men, rather than the contrary, is delusional.