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This reads like every single self-help book ever. "Grow and cultivate your network (and make sure you're genuine), dress for the job you want (or act like the

This reads like every single self-help book ever. "Grow and cultivate your network (and make sure you're genuine), dress for the job you want (or act like the job you want), other generic stuff about networking." I don't know, I don't see an inherent issue with this, I think there's value in some things said here but I don't see a lot of value in "going out and meeting more than 1-2 people per week" or whatever. It feels like one of those things you read and get excited about then have no way to act because "Oh yeah let me just go meet people! At ... walmart maybe?"

swyx 1y ago
hosting events (people come to you on your terms) > going to events (others)
- RicoElectrico 1y ago
  For some reason many people find it acceptable to cancel their plans last minute just because. Hell is (trying to herd) other people.
z_open 1y ago
Yeah I have always wondered about the success rate for self help books. Seems like the people who need it have an inherent problem using it.
tornadofart 1y ago
Fermats last theorem was notoriously proved by going to parties, socializing and making smalltalk /s
- HPsquared 1y ago
  People only knew about the theorem and tried to solve it because a lot of people have already gossiped about it: "Oh do you remember that unsolved theorem? Oh what a story!"
rezz 1y ago
Last week I entered the elevator in my apartment building and there were two women who started laughing and proclaimed “whoops we didn’t hit L”. I immediately replied “if that’s the worst thing that happens to you today you’re doing alright”. Followed by them replying “or it’s the beginning of a Dateline tragedy”. We all had a good laugh then she introduced herself as the mother of the other woman who happened to be very attractive. We continued chatting and exchanged contact info. I’m not sure anything will come of it but I do know that I had a much more pleasant and serendipitous elevator experience because instead of just smiling after they admitted their mistake, I threw out a silly reply which turned into what it did.
- hibikir 1y ago
  One of my biggest issues with American suburbia and car dependence is the much smaller percentage of reasonable opportunities for serendipity vs my old Spanish hometown.
  - udkl 1y ago
    vs in denser cities too .... Cities in India in my case
- swyx 1y ago
  are you going to ask the daughter out? we're invested in the story now
  - SCUSKU 1y ago
    HN was probably the last place I'd expected to see a romance novella, but that makes it all the more intriguing. I hope OP asks the daughter out.
  - rezz 1y ago
    The building is hosting a party tomorrow so I was banking on a chance encounter there, but if not I think I’m going to have to.
Norcim133 1y ago
It is a fair point. But I found this article landed different than most self-help. It spoke in terms of mindsets one can adopt to do the things you mentioned. And it made those mindsets compact/memorable so I'm more likely to use them.
celticninja 1y ago
This should just boil down to "say yes" to invites
ryandrake 1y ago
> This reads like every single self-help book ever. And every "business success" book ever. They're all just Survivor Bias. Have 1,024 people flip a coin 10 times, find the guy who flipped heads 10 times in a row, and have him write a book about what it takes to be a master coin flipper.
- ipaddr 1y ago
  He/she probably has a technique. Life isn't a static probability chart. Coins have three sides in 3d space and will land on its side once in awhile. People learn how to toss a coin to get a certain result.
- _dain_ 1y ago
  the guy who flips the coin 100 times is more likely to get a long streak of heads >>> import random >>> ["H" if random.random() < 0.5 else "T" for _ in range(100)] ['H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H'] I count 9 at the end, not bad. flip it more times, that's the luck surface area
  - yen223 1y ago
    But look at all those tails! That person must be a failure at life and therefore justifies me never flipping any coin.
- syntaxbush 1y ago
  So there is nothing one can do to increase their odds of success? If there is, they can't write a book about it?
cosmojg 1y ago
Host an event! My friends and I host a "project night" every Thursday where we invite people to bring whatever personal projects[1] they're working on, and we strongly encourage plus-ones. As long as you have a venue (we started in a bar about 45 minutes west of Boston) and know at least one or two other people who are willing to consistently show up every week and you all put the work into inviting new people that you like and encouraging the people you like to invite new people that they like, the momentum will build on itself such that you'll inevitably find yourself with a thriving community, undoubtedly meeting at least one or two totally new people (on average) every week! [1] Projects have included: crocheting a bunch of adorable little stuffed cows, developing a privacy-first webapp for visualizing social graphs, painting the cosmos with oil on a wall-sized canvas, engineering the control system for a human-scale vending machine, building an automatic water turret which uses image recognition to shoot squirrels with water when they climb on a bird feeder, planning and beta testing LARPs, board games, social experiments, and so on and so forth.

swyx 1y ago

hosting events (people come to you on your terms) > going to events (others)

RicoElectrico 1y ago
For some reason many people find it acceptable to cancel their plans last minute just because. Hell is (trying to herd) other people.

z_open 1y ago

Yeah I have always wondered about the success rate for self help books. Seems like the people who need it have an inherent problem using it.

tornadofart 1y ago

Fermats last theorem was notoriously proved by going to parties, socializing and making smalltalk /s

HPsquared 1y ago
People only knew about the theorem and tried to solve it because a lot of people have already gossiped about it: "Oh do you remember that unsolved theorem? Oh what a story!"

rezz 1y ago

Last week I entered the elevator in my apartment building and there were two women who started laughing and proclaimed “whoops we didn’t hit L”. I immediately replied “if that’s the worst thing that happens to you today you’re doing alright”. Followed by them replying “or it’s the beginning of a Dateline tragedy”. We all had a good laugh then she introduced herself as the mother of the other woman who happened to be very attractive. We continued chatting and exchanged contact info. I’m not sure anything will come of it but I do know that I had a much more pleasant and serendipitous elevator experience because instead of just smiling after they admitted their mistake, I threw out a silly reply which turned into what it did.

hibikir 1y ago
One of my biggest issues with American suburbia and car dependence is the much smaller percentage of reasonable opportunities for serendipity vs my old Spanish hometown.
- udkl 1y ago
  vs in denser cities too .... Cities in India in my case
swyx 1y ago
are you going to ask the daughter out? we're invested in the story now
- SCUSKU 1y ago
  HN was probably the last place I'd expected to see a romance novella, but that makes it all the more intriguing. I hope OP asks the daughter out.
- rezz 1y ago
  The building is hosting a party tomorrow so I was banking on a chance encounter there, but if not I think I’m going to have to.

Norcim133 1y ago

It is a fair point. But I found this article landed different than most self-help. It spoke in terms of mindsets one can adopt to do the things you mentioned. And it made those mindsets compact/memorable so I'm more likely to use them.

celticninja 1y ago

This should just boil down to "say yes" to invites

ryandrake 1y ago

> This reads like every single self-help book ever. And every "business success" book ever. They're all just Survivor Bias. Have 1,024 people flip a coin 10 times, find the guy who flipped heads 10 times in a row, and have him write a book about what it takes to be a master coin flipper.

ipaddr 1y ago
He/she probably has a technique. Life isn't a static probability chart. Coins have three sides in 3d space and will land on its side once in awhile. People learn how to toss a coin to get a certain result.
_dain_ 1y ago
the guy who flips the coin 100 times is more likely to get a long streak of heads >>> import random >>> ["H" if random.random() < 0.5 else "T" for _ in range(100)] ['H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'T', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H', 'H'] I count 9 at the end, not bad. flip it more times, that's the luck surface area
- yen223 1y ago
  But look at all those tails! That person must be a failure at life and therefore justifies me never flipping any coin.
syntaxbush 1y ago
So there is nothing one can do to increase their odds of success? If there is, they can't write a book about it?

cosmojg 1y ago

Host an event! My friends and I host a "project night" every Thursday where we invite people to bring whatever personal projects[1] they're working on, and we strongly encourage plus-ones. As long as you have a venue (we started in a bar about 45 minutes west of Boston) and know at least one or two other people who are willing to consistently show up every week and you all put the work into inviting new people that you like and encouraging the people you like to invite new people that they like, the momentum will build on itself such that you'll inevitably find yourself with a thriving community, undoubtedly meeting at least one or two totally new people (on average) every week! [1] Projects have included: crocheting a bunch of adorable little stuffed cows, developing a privacy-first webapp for visualizing social graphs, painting the cosmos with oil on a wall-sized canvas, engineering the control system for a human-scale vending machine, building an automatic water turret which uses image recognition to shoot squirrels with water when they climb on a bird feeder, planning and beta testing LARPs, board games, social experiments, and so on and so forth.