11 ms·

> Or adopt? Adopt who? There is almost no children available for adoption, only highly handicapped children who needs an auxiliary family. Might be easier wit

> Or adopt? Adopt who? There is almost no children available for adoption, only highly handicapped children who needs an auxiliary family. Might be easier with a donor egg, but where are you going to get that? Egg donation is highly regulated and many would find it hard to get a donor. Of course this solution also requires a donor egg, so you'd already need to have that available.

stephendause 1y ago
> There is almost no children available for adoption This is not true, at least in the United States. For one thing, there are many children in foster care who want to be adopted. It is also possible, though difficult and expensive, to adopt infants from mothers giving up their children for adoption as well. I am not saying it's an easy option or that everyone should do it, but it is an option.
mousethatroared 1y ago
Sick kids need parents too. And there's plenty of foster kids, like Dave Thomas who was adopted as a foster kid. So was my friend D. D's adopted parents asked the state of NJ for the kid that needed parents the most. And boy did the state of NJ deliver. D had a foster home raided by the FBI. Another foster house beat him. He didn't know how to read until grade 5. Now he has masters in microbiology from a top 20 program, a job as a data scientist and he's making the better part of $200k to take care of his wife and three kids. As annoying as he is (he is from Jersey), I know he's a guy I can call who will show up to help. All because a couple of God fearing parents asked NJ for the most messed up kid in the system. For me, D's parents are saints. It's sick that our society thinks people deserve children instead of the other way around.
- 999900000999 1y ago
  One of my uncles adopted a kid. He's now a well paid classical musician. He's just like any other cousin. If anything he's MORE successful than the rest of us! Once I spoke with a woman who was annoyed she wasn't able to adopt a child from a specific country that matches her ethic/cultural background. Like she's shopping or something. She's too good to adopt from the community she actually lives in. >It's sick that our society thinks people deserve children instead of the other way around. My feelings exactly. Their are absolutely no shortage of kids who very much need good homes. They aren't perfect, a lot of them are going to need a bit of help like your friend.
  - mrweasel 1y ago
    The issue where I am is that all adoption agencies facilitating adoptions from other countries have shutdown. All of them because of massive scandals where the adopted children was more or less sold or the parents where lied to. Adoption from abroad is tricky at best, and now it's no longer possible. As for children within the country, the majority is multi-handicapped children, most of which cannot say at a normal home full time. So the adopted family basically become a place to put the children during the odd weekend or vacations. This isn't a family life, this is you helping the government at your own cost with no benefit to you. As harsh as that sounds, it's not something most people can do. It's incredibly taxing mentally, and you're still not getting your wish of a family. That's not to say that there aren't children being adopted, but the waiting list is 10+ years. Most children are placed in foster care, which is very different.
    - mousethatroared 1y ago
      "The issue where I am is that all adoption agencies facilitating adoptions from other countries have shutdown. All of them because of massive scandals where the adopted children was more or less sold or the parents where lied to." Specifically, American parents tried to return to sender a kid they didnt like. Ie they thought they deserved a kid. "Adoption from abroad is tricky at best, and now it's no longer possible. [...] That's not to say that there aren't children being adopted, but the waiting list is 10+ years." Being a parent is a about giving yourself away. If you cant do that you're not ready or suitable for a kid. "Most children are placed in foster care, which is very different." Who deserve loving families. Look, I haven't adopted a foster kid: because Im scared Im not good enough; I admit it. But let's not pretend that there aren't a plethora of kids in need of families that we must have IVF for those who are not capable of conceiving their own.
      - mrweasel 1y ago
        Oh, sorry if that wasn't clear. Foster children here aren't up for adoption, only in very rare cases. The two systems are for different purposes. The foster children typically have needs that require foster parents with special training. Often the foster children still have some contact with their biological parents, so again, specifically not up for adoption. Adopting is difficult, you'd have more success as a foster parent, but it's harder to be approved as a foster family, e.g. you need special training. I get that systems are different around the world, but solutions like this is still required or at least wanted in countries where adoption is pretty much not an option. It is a pretty fortunate situation to have a society where adoption is so rarely needed, but it's also massively hurtful to would be parents to suggest that they should simply adopt, when they want to, but does have that option.

stephendause 1y ago

> There is almost no children available for adoption This is not true, at least in the United States. For one thing, there are many children in foster care who want to be adopted. It is also possible, though difficult and expensive, to adopt infants from mothers giving up their children for adoption as well. I am not saying it's an easy option or that everyone should do it, but it is an option.

mousethatroared 1y ago

Sick kids need parents too. And there's plenty of foster kids, like Dave Thomas who was adopted as a foster kid. So was my friend D. D's adopted parents asked the state of NJ for the kid that needed parents the most. And boy did the state of NJ deliver. D had a foster home raided by the FBI. Another foster house beat him. He didn't know how to read until grade 5. Now he has masters in microbiology from a top 20 program, a job as a data scientist and he's making the better part of $200k to take care of his wife and three kids. As annoying as he is (he is from Jersey), I know he's a guy I can call who will show up to help. All because a couple of God fearing parents asked NJ for the most messed up kid in the system. For me, D's parents are saints. It's sick that our society thinks people deserve children instead of the other way around.

999900000999 1y ago
One of my uncles adopted a kid. He's now a well paid classical musician. He's just like any other cousin. If anything he's MORE successful than the rest of us! Once I spoke with a woman who was annoyed she wasn't able to adopt a child from a specific country that matches her ethic/cultural background. Like she's shopping or something. She's too good to adopt from the community she actually lives in. >It's sick that our society thinks people deserve children instead of the other way around. My feelings exactly. Their are absolutely no shortage of kids who very much need good homes. They aren't perfect, a lot of them are going to need a bit of help like your friend.
- mrweasel 1y ago
  The issue where I am is that all adoption agencies facilitating adoptions from other countries have shutdown. All of them because of massive scandals where the adopted children was more or less sold or the parents where lied to. Adoption from abroad is tricky at best, and now it's no longer possible. As for children within the country, the majority is multi-handicapped children, most of which cannot say at a normal home full time. So the adopted family basically become a place to put the children during the odd weekend or vacations. This isn't a family life, this is you helping the government at your own cost with no benefit to you. As harsh as that sounds, it's not something most people can do. It's incredibly taxing mentally, and you're still not getting your wish of a family. That's not to say that there aren't children being adopted, but the waiting list is 10+ years. Most children are placed in foster care, which is very different.
  - mousethatroared 1y ago
    "The issue where I am is that all adoption agencies facilitating adoptions from other countries have shutdown. All of them because of massive scandals where the adopted children was more or less sold or the parents where lied to." Specifically, American parents tried to return to sender a kid they didnt like. Ie they thought they deserved a kid. "Adoption from abroad is tricky at best, and now it's no longer possible. [...] That's not to say that there aren't children being adopted, but the waiting list is 10+ years." Being a parent is a about giving yourself away. If you cant do that you're not ready or suitable for a kid. "Most children are placed in foster care, which is very different." Who deserve loving families. Look, I haven't adopted a foster kid: because Im scared Im not good enough; I admit it. But let's not pretend that there aren't a plethora of kids in need of families that we must have IVF for those who are not capable of conceiving their own.
    - mrweasel 1y ago
      Oh, sorry if that wasn't clear. Foster children here aren't up for adoption, only in very rare cases. The two systems are for different purposes. The foster children typically have needs that require foster parents with special training. Often the foster children still have some contact with their biological parents, so again, specifically not up for adoption. Adopting is difficult, you'd have more success as a foster parent, but it's harder to be approved as a foster family, e.g. you need special training. I get that systems are different around the world, but solutions like this is still required or at least wanted in countries where adoption is pretty much not an option. It is a pretty fortunate situation to have a society where adoption is so rarely needed, but it's also massively hurtful to would be parents to suggest that they should simply adopt, when they want to, but does have that option.