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As an aside—my therapist encouraged me to go pretty deep into twelve step literature. The core of it is dealing with fears and resentments. So many damaging beh
by samsolomon 1y ago
As an aside—my therapist encouraged me to go pretty deep into twelve step literature. The core of it is dealing with fears and resentments. So many damaging behaviors start as coping mechanisms for dealing with these issues.
I was pretty skeptical initially, but it turns out I also have a ton of fear and resentment that I never thought existed. My stubbornness strikes again! But if you're able to deal with and process your fears and resentments and then switch bad coping mechanisms to good ones—that will improve your life substantially.
A lot of it has been surprisingly eye-opening to me.
- thibaultamartin 1y agoDo you have specific books to recommend?
- norome 1y agoi always recommend Addictive Thinking: Understanding Self-Deception [Twerski M.D., Abraham J] on the topic. A short and insightful read that goes one level deeper than looking at any particular substance. He focuses on the contradictory thinking that addicts use to avoid seeing reality.
- samsolomon 1y agoThe AA big book, as it is known. It's actually a small, but very thick book. It's the basis for all twelve step programs. The main exercises related to my comment are writing out resentments as they occur—who/what wronged you, why that hurt and what part we may have played. Same with fears—what they are, how do they affect us. Honestly, a lot of it is so simple, but it really forces you to think about these things.
- jovial_cavalier 1y ago[flagged]
- wbazant 1y agoFriends who go to therapy don't seem to finish their sessions relaxed, it's usually more of a shaken up state, whereas that ego pampering style of interaction you describe would surely not have that effect?
- jovial_cavalier 1y ago[flagged]
- anton-c 1y agoMy therapist explicitly brings me back to the here and now at the end of sessions with the intention of relaxing me. There's probably some truth that some psychologists are running a racket but thats true in all professions. If your friends are hashing out stressful things leaving that way can be normal, but progress figuring out their life was made. If it's constantly exhausting them, there's certainly others that would cater to their needs of a more relaxed environment. I changed my last therapist for this one for that reason - no hard feelings.
- e40 1y agoYour advice is dangerous.
- Forgeties79 1y agoThis is terrible advice and it’s irresponsible of you to even assert it. There’s also a bit of irony here given the narcissism required to say “I don’t need ever outside help. Not only that, it will always make things worse than doing it myself.”
- jovial_cavalier 1y agoThere's nothing wrong with seeking outside help, I just don't suggest you involve monetary incentive. Friends and family will not let you trauma dump on them for an hour every week for three years, because it's exhausting. They will tell you shut up and learn eventually, and if you don't they will leave you. Then you'll either learn or you won't. The therapist will happily collect lots and lots of money from you without fixing anything.
- kilroy123 1y agoWhat about reading about Stoicism? I have a couple of close family members who are deep into recovery. The more they talk about it, the more it just sounds like repacked Stoicism.
- Trasmatta 1y agoI'm not a fan of stoicism, because I see it often used as a way to bypass actual emotional processing. Sometimes we need to actually fully feel and process the "negative" emotions, otherwise they get stuck in our system.
- timacles 1y agoVery few people have the internal discipline for Stoicism. Sure its great and wise and reasonable, but its basically life on hard mode. To be a stoic you have to be minimalist, have intense will power, and high tolerance for pain. How many people do you know that fall into that criteria?
- spacemadness 1y agoThe rebranded modern stoicism, otherwise known as broicism? Or actual stoicism? Influencers normally push the broicism version which focuses on stifling emotions to be more “successful” and focused on self interest. Not unlike what the west did to buddhism and mindfulness.
- moffkalast 1y agoStoicism only talks about logic and ignores the rest, that's basically the default for male engineers. It results in decisions that make logical sense but no emotional sense and a complete detachment to yourself as a human. Removing all emotions is not happiness, it's just the absence of pain.