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>But eventually the market will fix this, right? People will feel sick of being manipulated and move elsewhere? You can literally go outside and talk to people

>But eventually the market will fix this, right? People will feel sick of being manipulated and move elsewhere? You can literally go outside and talk to people. There's no moat around dating apps. Human beings continue to exist in meatspace. I am yet to see a dating app contract that prevents you from being casually approached by strangers. Heck matchmakers still exist.

seydor 1y ago
> You can literally go outside and talk to people. You can't . If you talk to modern city people the way you casually said 'hi' to strangers in the 90s , at best you 'll end up in a tiktok branded as a creepy person
- officehero 1y ago
  This exchange highlights the huge difference in experience people have w.r.t. dating. Some people get approached all the time and others never get approached and it's always been like that. I blame humanity for this unfair system rather than some stupid app.
  - protocolture 1y ago
    I remember trying to date a woman in college, she would drop what appeared to me as incredible hints, but if I acted on them she would just ignore me. We once had a 2 hour conversation about how she just could not find a mexican restaurant in town and would do /anything/ to eat at one. So I found one (willed it into existence) and then she simply wasn't interested. Thing was, I dont really care about the rejection so much as, it was super easy for me to have relatively deep and interesting conversation with a total stranger. This wasn't even the first one, previous conversations about "Why are cities taking up valuable agricultural land" and "The best gifts to buy a woman are power tools" went down much the same way. If people are convinced that the conversation to be rejected in cant even take place then I guess I understand concerns about the birthrate a little more.
- Klonoar 1y ago
  No? Just... don't be creepy. I've done this a few times over the last few days alone (in Seattle no less, a city infamous for being antisocial - though I'm willing to accept some were tourists for the 4th). IME, people are actually starved for human interaction.
  - bragh 1y ago
    It makes no sense to have a high risk of getting blasted all over local Facebook groups/Instagram/Tiktok for daring to approach while being ugly when they can use dating apps for zero risk. And if dating apps feel expensive to use, then there is Photofeeler also to validate your attractiveness.
    - Klonoar 1y ago
      You are seriously overthinking this shit.
      - bragh 1y ago
        Carefully considering actions that might have life-ruining consequences is not overthinking.
        deleted 1y ago
        [deleted]
        zbentley 1y ago
        I recommend being very honest with yourself here, whether or not you want to share it in a reply. Is the low chance of bad consequences the only factor keeping you from talking to strangers? There’s a low chance of bad consequences when you cross a busy street, too. Is fear of rejection by an individual or group a factor, too? There’s a much higher chance of that happening, but it’s far from life ruining. Are you worried that you have social behaviors that make it more likely you are considered creepy in social interactions? If so, are there ways you can reduce those behaviors? Are there other areas where acute awareness of severe potential negative consequences makes you avoid activities that lots of other people in your cohort might enjoy? Source: it me. If you’re in a similar situation, know that it can get a lot better. Just takes time and work, like everything.
- ansc 1y ago
  Come on. I agree with the premise that it is really difficult and sucks to "just go out and talk to people". Depends on where you live I guess though. I think thinking you'll end up on a TikTok because you talk to a person in a queue is just a far off excuse.
- diggan 1y ago
  > You can't . If you talk to modern city people the way you casually said 'hi' to strangers in the 90s It is true, in some places, that talking to strangers are generally frowned upon without having a good reason to do so. The trick is to either only open up the conversation when you have something relevant to say (or funny, seems to work sometimes too), or move to city/country where it's socially accepted. As someone who used to live in a country where talking with strangers is basically implicitly forbidden and straight up weird, but then moved to a country where it's completely normal, the amount of interesting conversations easily skyrocketed as soon as I landed in my new home country.
- protocolture 1y ago
  I literally had a conversation with a bloke at the same cafe as me yesterday. The restriction is in your mind.
alecco 1y ago
> You can literally go outside and talk to people. Only in small towns with high trust societies, sadly.
- jen20 1y ago
  Wildly untrue, unless you count London or New York City as small towns.
- Barrin92 1y ago
  Sorry what? You can go out clubbing and drinking and meet 50 new people in Berlin every night. Pretty cheap too, even these days.
- justin66 1y ago
  Otherwise you’ll be assaulted by roving gangs. Or young people who will mock you for wearing your trousers too high.
- protocolture 1y ago
  >High trust society. I usually see this as an anti immigration dogwhistle. I live in an actual hellhole by these standards. For 40 years, every refugee or immigrant population was forced to live in my region. Every time the government wanted to do A/B testing on welfare, my region. When I first wanted to move here I considered that I would need amazing security and reviewed crime stats. OH NO, its a CRIME HOTSPOT. How could I subject myself to that, I would have to live in fear. Then I turned off "Drug Crimes" in the police statistics, and that completely normalised the results against much richer, whiter suburbs. If anything we have a greater density of churches, because everyone wants to hear the bible read in their tongue. Theres an islander community just over the main drag from me where twice a year I see like 200 big islander kids dressed in choir costumes being loaded into busses for a big church thing. My wife literally takes my toddler out for walks unassisted in the middle of the night. I have no issues talking to people, or being approached by people.

seydor 1y ago

> You can literally go outside and talk to people. You can't . If you talk to modern city people the way you casually said 'hi' to strangers in the 90s , at best you 'll end up in a tiktok branded as a creepy person

officehero 1y ago
This exchange highlights the huge difference in experience people have w.r.t. dating. Some people get approached all the time and others never get approached and it's always been like that. I blame humanity for this unfair system rather than some stupid app.
- protocolture 1y ago
  I remember trying to date a woman in college, she would drop what appeared to me as incredible hints, but if I acted on them she would just ignore me. We once had a 2 hour conversation about how she just could not find a mexican restaurant in town and would do /anything/ to eat at one. So I found one (willed it into existence) and then she simply wasn't interested. Thing was, I dont really care about the rejection so much as, it was super easy for me to have relatively deep and interesting conversation with a total stranger. This wasn't even the first one, previous conversations about "Why are cities taking up valuable agricultural land" and "The best gifts to buy a woman are power tools" went down much the same way. If people are convinced that the conversation to be rejected in cant even take place then I guess I understand concerns about the birthrate a little more.
Klonoar 1y ago
No? Just... don't be creepy. I've done this a few times over the last few days alone (in Seattle no less, a city infamous for being antisocial - though I'm willing to accept some were tourists for the 4th). IME, people are actually starved for human interaction.
- bragh 1y ago
  It makes no sense to have a high risk of getting blasted all over local Facebook groups/Instagram/Tiktok for daring to approach while being ugly when they can use dating apps for zero risk. And if dating apps feel expensive to use, then there is Photofeeler also to validate your attractiveness.
  - Klonoar 1y ago
    You are seriously overthinking this shit.
    - bragh 1y ago
      Carefully considering actions that might have life-ruining consequences is not overthinking.
      - deleted 1y ago
        [deleted]
      - zbentley 1y ago
        I recommend being very honest with yourself here, whether or not you want to share it in a reply. Is the low chance of bad consequences the only factor keeping you from talking to strangers? There’s a low chance of bad consequences when you cross a busy street, too. Is fear of rejection by an individual or group a factor, too? There’s a much higher chance of that happening, but it’s far from life ruining. Are you worried that you have social behaviors that make it more likely you are considered creepy in social interactions? If so, are there ways you can reduce those behaviors? Are there other areas where acute awareness of severe potential negative consequences makes you avoid activities that lots of other people in your cohort might enjoy? Source: it me. If you’re in a similar situation, know that it can get a lot better. Just takes time and work, like everything.
ansc 1y ago
Come on. I agree with the premise that it is really difficult and sucks to "just go out and talk to people". Depends on where you live I guess though. I think thinking you'll end up on a TikTok because you talk to a person in a queue is just a far off excuse.
diggan 1y ago
> You can't . If you talk to modern city people the way you casually said 'hi' to strangers in the 90s It is true, in some places, that talking to strangers are generally frowned upon without having a good reason to do so. The trick is to either only open up the conversation when you have something relevant to say (or funny, seems to work sometimes too), or move to city/country where it's socially accepted. As someone who used to live in a country where talking with strangers is basically implicitly forbidden and straight up weird, but then moved to a country where it's completely normal, the amount of interesting conversations easily skyrocketed as soon as I landed in my new home country.
protocolture 1y ago
I literally had a conversation with a bloke at the same cafe as me yesterday. The restriction is in your mind.

alecco 1y ago

> You can literally go outside and talk to people. Only in small towns with high trust societies, sadly.

jen20 1y ago
Wildly untrue, unless you count London or New York City as small towns.
Barrin92 1y ago
Sorry what? You can go out clubbing and drinking and meet 50 new people in Berlin every night. Pretty cheap too, even these days.
justin66 1y ago
Otherwise you’ll be assaulted by roving gangs. Or young people who will mock you for wearing your trousers too high.
protocolture 1y ago
>High trust society. I usually see this as an anti immigration dogwhistle. I live in an actual hellhole by these standards. For 40 years, every refugee or immigrant population was forced to live in my region. Every time the government wanted to do A/B testing on welfare, my region. When I first wanted to move here I considered that I would need amazing security and reviewed crime stats. OH NO, its a CRIME HOTSPOT. How could I subject myself to that, I would have to live in fear. Then I turned off "Drug Crimes" in the police statistics, and that completely normalised the results against much richer, whiter suburbs. If anything we have a greater density of churches, because everyone wants to hear the bible read in their tongue. Theres an islander community just over the main drag from me where twice a year I see like 200 big islander kids dressed in choir costumes being loaded into busses for a big church thing. My wife literally takes my toddler out for walks unassisted in the middle of the night. I have no issues talking to people, or being approached by people.