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Two conversation tools I regularly use: “What are you currently obsessed with?” and if you want to follow up on even dull things a “What surprised you most abo

Two conversation tools I regularly use: “What are you currently obsessed with?” and if you want to follow up on even dull things a “What surprised you most about that?” works great. I don’t like small talk this helps get right to the novel, weird, and unique so I can at least enjoy the conversation and get to the core of who I’m really talking to. These help.

SoftTalker 1y ago
I hate that question. And the similar "what are you passionate about?" Well, I'm not currently obsessed with anything. Where does the conversation go from there?
- joshgachnang 1y ago
  Honestly, probably nowhere and a shortened conversation, then I go find someone else to chat with.
- kulahan 1y ago
  Asking something like this can also be a filter. If someone reacts in mild frustration to such a minor interaction at a networking event (or at least, while actively trying to network), it's a red flag.
- MrDrMcCoy 1y ago
  Long-term fixation, colloquially referred to as "obsession", is fairly common to various forms of neurodivergance, and neurodivergance is fairly common for engineering-adjacent folks. Since that forms a likely large cross section of the HN crowd, the suggested icebreaker is probably relevant to many of us, whether we are ourselves neurodivergant or otherwise frequently interact with those who are. I also dislike the "passion" question, but obsessions change frequently enough and are exciting to the person asked. It's just different enough to liven up the conversation if you're asking the right person. > Where does the conversation go from there? I dunno, maybe try asking a neurodivergant person sometime? I certainly would rather be asked about my obsessions than my passions, as my passions are all too often left to rot for one reason or another, which just makes me sad and want to leave.
- octo888 1y ago
  "I'm obsessed with not obsessing right now hah! On an obsession sabbatical. But I'd probably like to obsessed about..."
- nottorp 1y ago
  Hustle culture...
- anton-c 1y ago
  If I were genuinely being receptive I would flip it around. "Looking for new interests, what's got you attention lately?"
  - SoftTalker 1y ago
    I guess that's the best answer. Obsessiveness is a mental disorder though, and it strikes me as similar to walking up to someone and starting off with "what are your addictions" or "what are your compulsions" as an ice breaker, which would generally be inappropriate. Even taking it most charitably it presumes that most people are obsessed with something. I'm not, I'm not really passionate about anything either, certainly not anything I do professionally. The last time I was at a conference, if anyone asked me why I was there my honest answer would be "my boss said I should go" and if they asked what I had enjoyed the most so far my answer would be "I skipped all the sessions yesterday afternoon and went to a gym and lifted weights for two hours." If that led to a conversation about weightlifting, I wouldn't have much to say. I don't obsess about it, I don't have a coach, I don't compete, I don't know any names of professional lifters or their latest records, it's just exercise that I do. I guess it boils down to, I'm a pretty boring person. I generally feel like I don't have much to add to a conversation and it's uncomfortable to answer questions that reveal that. So I do generally try to keep people talking about themselves, which most people seem happy to do.
- xnx 1y ago
  > Well, I'm not currently obsessed with anything. Continual obsession is derangement (which can be useful to society overall in small amounts). I might respond with "I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with it, but I've been thinking more about FOO"

SoftTalker 1y ago

I hate that question. And the similar "what are you passionate about?" Well, I'm not currently obsessed with anything. Where does the conversation go from there?

joshgachnang 1y ago
Honestly, probably nowhere and a shortened conversation, then I go find someone else to chat with.
kulahan 1y ago
Asking something like this can also be a filter. If someone reacts in mild frustration to such a minor interaction at a networking event (or at least, while actively trying to network), it's a red flag.
MrDrMcCoy 1y ago
Long-term fixation, colloquially referred to as "obsession", is fairly common to various forms of neurodivergance, and neurodivergance is fairly common for engineering-adjacent folks. Since that forms a likely large cross section of the HN crowd, the suggested icebreaker is probably relevant to many of us, whether we are ourselves neurodivergant or otherwise frequently interact with those who are. I also dislike the "passion" question, but obsessions change frequently enough and are exciting to the person asked. It's just different enough to liven up the conversation if you're asking the right person. > Where does the conversation go from there? I dunno, maybe try asking a neurodivergant person sometime? I certainly would rather be asked about my obsessions than my passions, as my passions are all too often left to rot for one reason or another, which just makes me sad and want to leave.
octo888 1y ago
"I'm obsessed with not obsessing right now hah! On an obsession sabbatical. But I'd probably like to obsessed about..."
nottorp 1y ago
Hustle culture...
anton-c 1y ago
If I were genuinely being receptive I would flip it around. "Looking for new interests, what's got you attention lately?"
- SoftTalker 1y ago
  I guess that's the best answer. Obsessiveness is a mental disorder though, and it strikes me as similar to walking up to someone and starting off with "what are your addictions" or "what are your compulsions" as an ice breaker, which would generally be inappropriate. Even taking it most charitably it presumes that most people are obsessed with something. I'm not, I'm not really passionate about anything either, certainly not anything I do professionally. The last time I was at a conference, if anyone asked me why I was there my honest answer would be "my boss said I should go" and if they asked what I had enjoyed the most so far my answer would be "I skipped all the sessions yesterday afternoon and went to a gym and lifted weights for two hours." If that led to a conversation about weightlifting, I wouldn't have much to say. I don't obsess about it, I don't have a coach, I don't compete, I don't know any names of professional lifters or their latest records, it's just exercise that I do. I guess it boils down to, I'm a pretty boring person. I generally feel like I don't have much to add to a conversation and it's uncomfortable to answer questions that reveal that. So I do generally try to keep people talking about themselves, which most people seem happy to do.
xnx 1y ago
> Well, I'm not currently obsessed with anything. Continual obsession is derangement (which can be useful to society overall in small amounts). I might respond with "I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with it, but I've been thinking more about FOO"