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what about just owning your own lack of confidence as a strength? performative confidence seems dishonest and a bit like cheating to me. also on that matter, wh
by globalnode 1y ago
what about just owning your own lack of confidence as a strength? performative confidence seems dishonest and a bit like cheating to me. also on that matter, why is confidence == good?
- JonChesterfield 1y agoIntroversion is not lack of confidence. And confidence is good because it's a signal of competence, or at least that things have gone well for you in the past in similar situations.
- foobarbecue 1y agoThe goal isn't to fake it. The goal is to build actual confidence. That doesn't mean being loud or funny, just learning how to communicate without panicking.
- cyberax 1y agoA lot of introverts are quite likely to be somewhere on the autism spectrum. For example, I can't unconsciously read expressions. I scored worse than blind guessing on the "Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test". So I consciously learned to read and mimic expressions, literally using a textbook for theater performers. So now I can score at the upper range of neurotypical people. Other introverts often have problems recognizing social cues or initiating conversations. Purely because it's not _natural_ for them, even though they might _want_ to actually speak to people. So is it kind of performative? Yes. But think about this, extroverts are doing a lot of same tricks subconsciously. Does it mean that they're _always_ performing?
- SCAQTony 1y agoThat was the word everyone is afraid to say: Autism
- pier25 1y ago> why is confidence == good? Speaking from experience as an introvert who suffered social anxiety... A lot of people (probably extroverts) don't respond well when you're expressing anxiety and/or doubt. Clients won't want to work with you. People won't want to be around you at parties. Co-workers will speak behind your back about the weird person. Etc.
- globalnode 1y agoSAD sucks, you have my sympathy. its not fair some of the cards people are dealt but i can recommend focusing on competence rather than confidence and being compassionate to yourself as you navigate the world (advice i should take myself!). best wishes.
- mynameisvlad 1y agoThat might be true generally and shallowly, but I've gotten way further both professionally and personally by being vulnerable and honest with my anxieties and insecurities. Especially with other neurospicy folks, it's a very easy way to bond. My issues might not be the exact same, but it's close enough that they can empathize and grow closer as friends/coworkers.
- anton-c 1y agoBut we also talk shit about the guy who exudes confidence and messes everything up. He actively makes stuff worse due to his attitude. I'd rather own my mistakes than be a walking contradiction. To be fair he's probably overconfident. But picking up any sense of false confidence(not a shy buddy attemping to 'fake it til you make it', more serious matters) is a massive red flag to me that I can't trust their judgement of their own knowledge or capabilities. Someone who says straight up it will be difficult gets a lot more trust from me.
- dartharva 1y agoAll confidence is performative confidence bro