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Oh God So, what is the lesson here? Gotta let go of pride and risk it for the biscuit (ship something)?

thrwwXZTYE 1y ago
There's no lesson. It's hard. Your brain will search for the silver bullet to skip the boring self-improvement work and feel good NOW. It'll likely detach your current self from your past self (I was bad, I discovered this, now I'm great, exceptional and heroic again). Then you'll again avoid the boring day-to-day work (becaue you feel exceptional again) and fail again. Everything you know is material for your brain to make excuses and rationalizations. So no lessons work. What works is retraining the part of the brain that distorts the reality and directs all your thoughts towards these patterns. It's a lot like debugging. There's a callback in your brain that is harmful. It triggers every time you have to sacrifice some future potential for uncertain reality. It is subconscious. Put a breakpoint in that callback. Try to notice every time it triggers. At first just notice it, notice what it urges you to do. When you have it nailed down - try to change it. At that point you'll realize the urge and where it comes from. Then it's a matter to making the decision and committing to sth, no matter what. It doesn't only have to be big things, it can be small things unrelated to work. It's the same "code". If you do it every time - you'll retrain it eventually. At least that's the theory, I'm not there yet.
- arresin 1y ago
  > Put a breakpoint in that callback. Try to notice every time it triggers. At first just notice it, notice what it urges you to do. Damn I love this advice phrased like this.
- snarfy 1y ago
  Physical exercise does wonders for this. The results you achieve are a 100% determined by the time and effort you put in. It's hard to start, as its asking for more self-improvement, but if you can get this one thing, the rest fall into place.
mr_mitm 1y ago
And what's the lesson for parents? Can it be counter productive to praise your child a lot?
- ajuc 1y ago
  Praise the effort not the result. And especially don't make it into identity of the child. Best: good job studying for that exam. Meh: good job passing that exam. Worst: you so smart, everything comes easy to you.
- hengheng 1y ago
  Don't just reward your child for being smart. Reward them for listening, integrating, being nice towards others, relaxed, comfortable, flourishing, in their lane
- 1auralynn 1y ago
  The answer here is actually teach them to self-evaluate, e.g. What do you think about your drawing? Should we hang it up? Got this from Steve Peters: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Peters_(psychiatrist) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Peters_(psychiatrist)
Doxin 1y ago
What worked for me, because I definitely had ~all these thought patterns when I was younger, is to make peace with being mediocre. Easier said than done though. Once you accept being mediocre it opens the path to doing things which might fail.

There's no lesson. It's hard. Your brain will search for the silver bullet to skip the boring self-improvement work and feel good NOW. It'll likely detach your current self from your past self (I was bad, I discovered this, now I'm great, exceptional and heroic again). Then you'll again avoid the boring day-to-day work (becaue you feel exceptional again) and fail again. Everything you know is material for your brain to make excuses and rationalizations. So no lessons work. What works is retraining the part of the brain that distorts the reality and directs all your thoughts towards these patterns. It's a lot like debugging. There's a callback in your brain that is harmful. It triggers every time you have to sacrifice some future potential for uncertain reality. It is subconscious. Put a breakpoint in that callback. Try to notice every time it triggers. At first just notice it, notice what it urges you to do. When you have it nailed down - try to change it. At that point you'll realize the urge and where it comes from. Then it's a matter to making the decision and committing to sth, no matter what. It doesn't only have to be big things, it can be small things unrelated to work. It's the same "code". If you do it every time - you'll retrain it eventually. At least that's the theory, I'm not there yet.

arresin 1y ago
> Put a breakpoint in that callback. Try to notice every time it triggers. At first just notice it, notice what it urges you to do. Damn I love this advice phrased like this.
snarfy 1y ago
Physical exercise does wonders for this. The results you achieve are a 100% determined by the time and effort you put in. It's hard to start, as its asking for more self-improvement, but if you can get this one thing, the rest fall into place.

mr_mitm 1y ago

And what's the lesson for parents? Can it be counter productive to praise your child a lot?

ajuc 1y ago
Praise the effort not the result. And especially don't make it into identity of the child. Best: good job studying for that exam. Meh: good job passing that exam. Worst: you so smart, everything comes easy to you.
hengheng 1y ago
Don't just reward your child for being smart. Reward them for listening, integrating, being nice towards others, relaxed, comfortable, flourishing, in their lane
1auralynn 1y ago
The answer here is actually teach them to self-evaluate, e.g. What do you think about your drawing? Should we hang it up? Got this from Steve Peters: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Peters_(psychiatrist) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Peters_(psychiatrist)

Doxin 1y ago

What worked for me, because I definitely had ~all these thought patterns when I was younger, is to make peace with being mediocre. Easier said than done though. Once you accept being mediocre it opens the path to doing things which might fail.