4 ms·

woah this seems like tribalism run riot. How about just living, and learning to deal with, the rest of society.

bogwog 1y ago
Yeah, it seems easier (and healthier?) to make friends with your current neighbors than to try to build a concentration camp of friends.
- IAmBroom 1y ago
  In this age, is living next to "10 besties" really needed? I have one neighbor that I'm really close to - yay! I can borrow their wheelbarrow, or they can borrow my sprinkler attachment, without asking, and return it promptly (to remain friends!). We watch each other's dogs on vacation. All of this is much easier than if I had to use a farther-away friend. But my other neighbors are just ... small-f friends. Friendly. I would even consider asking them to borrow a cup of sugar. But as nice as it would be to have ALL my besties nearby, we do just fine with phone calls, texts, social media, and seeing each other at events. I do agree with the advantage of incremental change. I suck at completing big tasks. But if I view each step as a small task, I can get there.
  - neighman 1y ago
    How many of them would you trust to watch your 8mo old while you go out with your spouse for a few hours? Or would be willing to take your kids to school? Or help you repair the rotted subfloor in your bathroom? I don't understand why most comments here are perversely interpreting the goals of the article. Obviously you have different life and relationship philosophies, no need to knock people doing it the way they want.
    - IAmBroom 1y ago
      I'm not knocking anyone. I'm asking if this is as important as it used to be. Also, I'm the one who watches my closest-friend neighbor's kids in emergency sitations. I've pointed out that physically+emotionally close relationship ARE important.
  - mgfist 1y ago
    > But as nice as it would be to have ALL my besties nearby, we do just fine with phone calls, texts, social media, and seeing each other at events. I don't recall the article, but I remember reading an anecdotal piece where someone talked about how they met up with either their close friend or sibling like 10x more once they moved from 20 minutes away to a few houses down the street. It was like once every day or 2 vs once every two weeks.
  - Nevermark 1y ago
    > In this age, is living next to "10 besties" really needed? When did "need" become a pre-requisite for doing something you "love"? In this case, hanging out as adults in a way that reflects many happy childhoods. Where your best friends were all walking distance. Where you could do things spontaneously with them. Spontaneously and regularly do nothing with them (i.e. hang out while doing whatever each of you were going to do anyway). Look up Ikigai. It's often visualized with a Venn diagram. The point being, the more positive facets that cover your work or life, the more profoundly happy/satisfied you are likely to be. There is no reason to stop adding facets such as "live my daily life with my best friends".
- rockostrich 1y ago
  This comparison feels like it's in very poor taste. The article doesn't promote any kind of ostracizing and certainly isn't promoting that anyone in the community is forced to be there. Making friends, especially with people who already probably have their own social lives, tends to be a lot harder than maintaining friends. It's completely valid for people who are already in each other's social circles to plan to live close to each other. My partner and I moved into a house on a pretty secluded street of a very suburban township. There are 5 houses on the block. We're friendly with everyone but we're all in very different periods of our lives. Two of the houses have younger kids, one has older kids, and one is empty nesters. They're all super nice and we're friendly, but none of them are coming over to lift heavy weights in the garage while Creed is blasting.
  - all2 1y ago
    > They're all super nice and we're friendly, but none of them are coming over to lift heavy weights in the garage while Creed is blasting. Tell me when and where, I'll bring the pre-workout.
    - rockostrich 1y ago
      Just dial into the harmonics generated by the voice of Scott Stapp combined with the rev of a 1993 JDM Impreza WRX and let it be your guide.
neighman 1y ago
How can this be interpreted as "tribalism"? This is simply a response to a lack of resources (time, energy, etc) to develop deep relationships during the stage of life when one can afford permanent housing. Modernity has made this harder than ever before. If this doesn't apply to you, consider yourself truly privileged.
- jacknews 1y ago
  How can it not be, where you want to build an enclave of 'like' people (alike in friend connections, education, outlook, not only race, which is what you seem to assume). It's a stage of life where you should be branching out and meeting 'other' people, not just surrounding yourself with college buddies, and further cloistering yourself in that bubble.
  - neighman 1y ago
    [flagged]
    - yorpinn 1y ago
      Escalating from a really trivial disagreement to personal and insulting remarks is a far more concerning in the social skills department.
      - neighman2 1y ago
        There's no trivial disagreement, just willful ignorance and strawmanning. (Nice alt account btw, I have created one too!)
        yorpinn 1y ago
        You're taking this other person to task for making too many assumptions, and now you're assuming I'm their alt account. Maybe take some time to cool off or move on to a different conversation, you're not making a case here.
  - 1y ago
LightBug1 1y ago
Not sure why you're down-voted. This idea, while good hearted, seems nuts. Venture out into the world, and stay in touch with good friends. Simple?
javier123454321 1y ago
This is a bad take for a few reasons. You are implying that moving close to friends is not 'Living and learning to deal with the rest of society'. That is a false premise. Second, living in community of close friends is a massive improvement in quality of life for everyone involved. This is as much biological as it is spiritual. You can either do that by becoming close to strangers that live nearby or living nearby people that are already close to you. Given that the average adult from the US moves over 11 times[1] in their life, the solution is self evident. Lastly, using tribalism here is misguided. That implies a in and out group. Why use that word instead of 'communalism' which implies helping each other. 1. https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-many-times-the-average-person-moves/ https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-many-times-the-aver...
- jacknews 1y ago
  It's talking about building a 'friend compound', so of course there will be an in and an out group. It's one thing to agree with a bunch of friends to live close-by in a particular city, but something quite different to create a 'friend compound' or 'bestie street', ie something obviously exclusive. And I begin to wonder if 'friend' is a cover of some kind. Are these swinger communities? Or hasidic enclaves, or mormons or whatever?

Yeah, it seems easier (and healthier?) to make friends with your current neighbors than to try to build a concentration camp of friends.

IAmBroom 1y ago
In this age, is living next to "10 besties" really needed? I have one neighbor that I'm really close to - yay! I can borrow their wheelbarrow, or they can borrow my sprinkler attachment, without asking, and return it promptly (to remain friends!). We watch each other's dogs on vacation. All of this is much easier than if I had to use a farther-away friend. But my other neighbors are just ... small-f friends. Friendly. I would even consider asking them to borrow a cup of sugar. But as nice as it would be to have ALL my besties nearby, we do just fine with phone calls, texts, social media, and seeing each other at events. I do agree with the advantage of incremental change. I suck at completing big tasks. But if I view each step as a small task, I can get there.
- neighman 1y ago
  How many of them would you trust to watch your 8mo old while you go out with your spouse for a few hours? Or would be willing to take your kids to school? Or help you repair the rotted subfloor in your bathroom? I don't understand why most comments here are perversely interpreting the goals of the article. Obviously you have different life and relationship philosophies, no need to knock people doing it the way they want.
  - IAmBroom 1y ago
    I'm not knocking anyone. I'm asking if this is as important as it used to be. Also, I'm the one who watches my closest-friend neighbor's kids in emergency sitations. I've pointed out that physically+emotionally close relationship ARE important.
- mgfist 1y ago
  > But as nice as it would be to have ALL my besties nearby, we do just fine with phone calls, texts, social media, and seeing each other at events. I don't recall the article, but I remember reading an anecdotal piece where someone talked about how they met up with either their close friend or sibling like 10x more once they moved from 20 minutes away to a few houses down the street. It was like once every day or 2 vs once every two weeks.
- Nevermark 1y ago
  > In this age, is living next to "10 besties" really needed? When did "need" become a pre-requisite for doing something you "love"? In this case, hanging out as adults in a way that reflects many happy childhoods. Where your best friends were all walking distance. Where you could do things spontaneously with them. Spontaneously and regularly do nothing with them (i.e. hang out while doing whatever each of you were going to do anyway). Look up Ikigai. It's often visualized with a Venn diagram. The point being, the more positive facets that cover your work or life, the more profoundly happy/satisfied you are likely to be. There is no reason to stop adding facets such as "live my daily life with my best friends".
rockostrich 1y ago
This comparison feels like it's in very poor taste. The article doesn't promote any kind of ostracizing and certainly isn't promoting that anyone in the community is forced to be there. Making friends, especially with people who already probably have their own social lives, tends to be a lot harder than maintaining friends. It's completely valid for people who are already in each other's social circles to plan to live close to each other. My partner and I moved into a house on a pretty secluded street of a very suburban township. There are 5 houses on the block. We're friendly with everyone but we're all in very different periods of our lives. Two of the houses have younger kids, one has older kids, and one is empty nesters. They're all super nice and we're friendly, but none of them are coming over to lift heavy weights in the garage while Creed is blasting.
- all2 1y ago
  > They're all super nice and we're friendly, but none of them are coming over to lift heavy weights in the garage while Creed is blasting. Tell me when and where, I'll bring the pre-workout.
  - rockostrich 1y ago
    Just dial into the harmonics generated by the voice of Scott Stapp combined with the rev of a 1993 JDM Impreza WRX and let it be your guide.

neighman 1y ago

How can this be interpreted as "tribalism"? This is simply a response to a lack of resources (time, energy, etc) to develop deep relationships during the stage of life when one can afford permanent housing. Modernity has made this harder than ever before. If this doesn't apply to you, consider yourself truly privileged.

jacknews 1y ago
How can it not be, where you want to build an enclave of 'like' people (alike in friend connections, education, outlook, not only race, which is what you seem to assume). It's a stage of life where you should be branching out and meeting 'other' people, not just surrounding yourself with college buddies, and further cloistering yourself in that bubble.
- neighman 1y ago
  [flagged]
  - yorpinn 1y ago
    Escalating from a really trivial disagreement to personal and insulting remarks is a far more concerning in the social skills department.
    - neighman2 1y ago
      There's no trivial disagreement, just willful ignorance and strawmanning. (Nice alt account btw, I have created one too!)
      - yorpinn 1y ago
        You're taking this other person to task for making too many assumptions, and now you're assuming I'm their alt account. Maybe take some time to cool off or move on to a different conversation, you're not making a case here.
- 1y ago

LightBug1 1y ago

Not sure why you're down-voted. This idea, while good hearted, seems nuts. Venture out into the world, and stay in touch with good friends. Simple?

javier123454321 1y ago

This is a bad take for a few reasons. You are implying that moving close to friends is not 'Living and learning to deal with the rest of society'. That is a false premise. Second, living in community of close friends is a massive improvement in quality of life for everyone involved. This is as much biological as it is spiritual. You can either do that by becoming close to strangers that live nearby or living nearby people that are already close to you. Given that the average adult from the US moves over 11 times[1] in their life, the solution is self evident. Lastly, using tribalism here is misguided. That implies a in and out group. Why use that word instead of 'communalism' which implies helping each other. 1. https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-many-times-the-average-person-moves/ https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-many-times-the-aver...

jacknews 1y ago
It's talking about building a 'friend compound', so of course there will be an in and an out group. It's one thing to agree with a bunch of friends to live close-by in a particular city, but something quite different to create a 'friend compound' or 'bestie street', ie something obviously exclusive. And I begin to wonder if 'friend' is a cover of some kind. Are these swinger communities? Or hasidic enclaves, or mormons or whatever?