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We did wait for the “perfect” time, and are very happy we did. I got my son at almost 40, and I’m positive I’m a much better parent because of that. Sure, kids

by anyfoo 1y ago

We did wait for the “perfect” time, and are very happy we did. I got my son at almost 40, and I’m positive I’m a much better parent because of that. Sure, kids cost energy, but at 40 and 50 you’re not geriatric. I often get the opportunity to compare our parenting style to younger parents, and it’s clear that they often have some emotional growing up to do themselves. They complain about normal parenting things that we just shrug about, they are torn between their career and raising a kid, and most importantly they often lack patience, where to us it just comes natural.

Izikiel43 1y ago
> but at 40 and 50 you’re not geriatric. biologically, and for pregnancy, yes you are.
- anyfoo 1y ago
  I didn’t say get pregnant at 50. I said I became a parent at almost 40, my wife is a couple of years younger. No problems whatsoever, and I seem to have more energy for parenting (and especially patience) than the parents in their 20s who haven’t even found themselves yet.
- malcolmgreaves 1y ago
  It's actually the age of the egg that matters most, not the age of the mother during pregnancy.
  - pnw 1y ago
    Paternal age is also a contributor. Children with fathers over 40 see an increase in potential diseases, a shorter lifespan and higher infant mortality, likely due to DNA mutations. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect
    - anyfoo 1y ago
      According to that page, the whole issue seems to be very nuanced. It also contains the quotes I attached below. Be it as it may, I conclude that there is an elevated risk for problems the older you get (although for some issues, cause and effect may be reversed, which is hard to resolve), but that that risk may not be so significant as to outweigh other advantages. > A simulation study concluded that reported paternal age effects on psychiatric disorders in the epidemiological literature are too large to be explained only by mutations. They conclude that a model in which parents with a genetic liability to psychiatric illness tend to reproduce later better explains the literature.[9] > Later age at parenthood is also associated with a more stable family environment, with older parents being less likely to divorce or change partners.[43] Older parents also tend to occupy a higher socio-economic position and report feeling more devoted to their children and satisfied with their family.[43] On the other hand, the risk of the father dying before the child becomes an adult increases with paternal age.[43] > According to a 2006 review, any adverse effects of advanced paternal age "should be weighed up against potential social advantages for children born to older fathers who are more likely to have progressed in their career and to have achieved financial security."[63]
    - dh2022 1y ago
      It seems kids procreated by older parents (aged 35 years or older) have increased risk of Down Syndrome. The effect is most pronounced when both parents are older than 35 years: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12771769/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12771769/
  - kccqzy 1y ago
    How are these two measures different? Oocyte formation happens before birth.
    - lazyasciiart 1y ago
      I believe freezing eggs is considered to be keeping them at the age they were when frozen?
arkey 1y ago
> they often lack patience, where to us it just comes natural. Having kids fast-tracked me to a critical increase in patience. I've grown so much in less than three years because of my kids. I'm not sure this growth would have ever happened so quickly through other means. And I'll always have a special, particular respect especially towards my firstborn for causing that in me, and for enduring my shortcomings in the meantime.
sethammons 1y ago
My wife and I had our first at age 15. Then another at 22. And our last at 27. I've raised children while on welfare and while a software engineer. I was more patient as a teen than I am now in my 40s. Now I am tired. All the time. I fear I would literally die of exhaustion if I had to maintain more irregular hours than I already do due to insomnia that I have developed over the last half decade.
- wiether 1y ago
  The condition you're in now is a result of what you went through previously. Someone with no one to care about until their 40s is supposed to be in a much better shape than someone who raised three kids for the last +25 years. Congrats on making it though, I completely understand why you would feel tired all the time!
TacticalCoder 1y ago
> I got my son at almost 40, and I’m positive I’m a much better parent because of that. I think so too. Now to be sure to balance things, while I was 42 when we had our kid, my wife was only 28. 10 years later and things are still great.

by anyfoo 1y ago

Izikiel43 1y ago

> but at 40 and 50 you’re not geriatric. biologically, and for pregnancy, yes you are.

anyfoo 1y ago
I didn’t say get pregnant at 50. I said I became a parent at almost 40, my wife is a couple of years younger. No problems whatsoever, and I seem to have more energy for parenting (and especially patience) than the parents in their 20s who haven’t even found themselves yet.
malcolmgreaves 1y ago
It's actually the age of the egg that matters most, not the age of the mother during pregnancy.
- pnw 1y ago
  Paternal age is also a contributor. Children with fathers over 40 see an increase in potential diseases, a shorter lifespan and higher infant mortality, likely due to DNA mutations. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect
  - anyfoo 1y ago
    According to that page, the whole issue seems to be very nuanced. It also contains the quotes I attached below. Be it as it may, I conclude that there is an elevated risk for problems the older you get (although for some issues, cause and effect may be reversed, which is hard to resolve), but that that risk may not be so significant as to outweigh other advantages. > A simulation study concluded that reported paternal age effects on psychiatric disorders in the epidemiological literature are too large to be explained only by mutations. They conclude that a model in which parents with a genetic liability to psychiatric illness tend to reproduce later better explains the literature.[9] > Later age at parenthood is also associated with a more stable family environment, with older parents being less likely to divorce or change partners.[43] Older parents also tend to occupy a higher socio-economic position and report feeling more devoted to their children and satisfied with their family.[43] On the other hand, the risk of the father dying before the child becomes an adult increases with paternal age.[43] > According to a 2006 review, any adverse effects of advanced paternal age "should be weighed up against potential social advantages for children born to older fathers who are more likely to have progressed in their career and to have achieved financial security."[63]
  - dh2022 1y ago
    It seems kids procreated by older parents (aged 35 years or older) have increased risk of Down Syndrome. The effect is most pronounced when both parents are older than 35 years: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12771769/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12771769/
- kccqzy 1y ago
  How are these two measures different? Oocyte formation happens before birth.
  - lazyasciiart 1y ago
    I believe freezing eggs is considered to be keeping them at the age they were when frozen?

arkey 1y ago

> they often lack patience, where to us it just comes natural. Having kids fast-tracked me to a critical increase in patience. I've grown so much in less than three years because of my kids. I'm not sure this growth would have ever happened so quickly through other means. And I'll always have a special, particular respect especially towards my firstborn for causing that in me, and for enduring my shortcomings in the meantime.

sethammons 1y ago

My wife and I had our first at age 15. Then another at 22. And our last at 27. I've raised children while on welfare and while a software engineer. I was more patient as a teen than I am now in my 40s. Now I am tired. All the time. I fear I would literally die of exhaustion if I had to maintain more irregular hours than I already do due to insomnia that I have developed over the last half decade.

wiether 1y ago
The condition you're in now is a result of what you went through previously. Someone with no one to care about until their 40s is supposed to be in a much better shape than someone who raised three kids for the last +25 years. Congrats on making it though, I completely understand why you would feel tired all the time!

TacticalCoder 1y ago

> I got my son at almost 40, and I’m positive I’m a much better parent because of that. I think so too. Now to be sure to balance things, while I was 42 when we had our kid, my wife was only 28. 10 years later and things are still great.