I would pay $2000 without a second of hesitation, if that's what it took, for an Android phone with * headphone jack * usbc port * removable, large battery

I would pay $2000 without a second of hesitation, if that's what it took, for an Android phone with * headphone jack * usbc port * removable, large battery * under 5 inch screen (with phone body size to match) * dual sim * sd card slot * cameras just good enough to take pictures of license plates on illegally parked cars * 5g antenna I don't care if it needs to be hella thick to accomplish this, I don't care if the screen is OLED or has a >60hz refresh rate, I don't care about telescopic cameras or faceid or anything like that. I just want a small fat phone that I can plug my IEMs into and use as a wifi tether for my laptop without the battery dying in a couple hours.