my life is miserable even though im not sick. i would not qualify for assisted suicide. what does that mean? but if i got a terminal illness i would. so my life

my life is miserable even though im not sick. i would not qualify for assisted suicide. what does that mean? but if i got a terminal illness i would. so my life is motivated by the idea that i will someday achieve something that will make it worth it… and if i became terminally ill then i would no longer be able to achieve that goal… so i should end it. maybe i should reorganize my life so that i am not miserable. im not sure thats possible. i had a little early retirement before and i was still miserable. i am miserable dealing with people in this country. everyone is petty, mean and ready to stab you in the back