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Email anxiety after shutting down my startup – looking for advice

5 points by hpark0011 1y ago

After winding down my startup, I started feeling anxious about opening my inbox. I’m not sure what triggered it exactly, but I suspect it’s the fear of receiving messages that create new obligations, especially ones I didn’t ask for. However, now I don't get much emails that gives me any obligation but I still spend every morning in anxiety. I’ve tried therapy and even experimented with AI tools that sort and summarize email, but none of it really solved the underlying anxiety. It’s become a daily cycle: dread → delay → stress. Has anyone dealt with something similar after a shutdown or burnout? Any strategies or tools that helped? I’d really appreciate hearing your experience.

codingdave 1y ago
I sometimes get the same anxiety, but have learned to set boundaries, specifically, saying "No.". If someone asks you to do something, default to "No", unless you actually want to take on the task. After all, if your responsibilities are wound down, then no email can obligate you. You can only volunteer to take on an obligation. It is all in your control.
- hpark0011 1y ago
  Yes and lately I just learned to not even reply and just tell important people around me that I don't reply to email unless it is absolutely necessary for me to respond.
sherdil2022 1y ago
THC (legal in many states in the USA) works for some. Your mileage may vary.
jonahbenton 1y ago
Identifying and writing about it is a good first step. Some people need to talk these things through (with a therapist), or talk and practice behaviors (CBT), some people can write it out. For me, writing out the anticipated experience makes material changes in my processing. It works kind of like this: Follow the thread you started here and journal about the anticipatory experience. Use your imagination and write about it until you don't have any more words. Get yourself to feel the fear more directly than just anxiety, and lean into the fear, feel it, let it inhabit you. Once you are feeling the fear, actually opening an email will not be a challenge, because you are already in a place where it feels like the worst has happened. Maybe the email(s) match your anticipation, most likely not, but nevertheless there likely is something to process from the email, to work through your reaction as to whether there is an obligation. Continue to journal about this. Take all day if you have to. The process of getting it out as words serves a bunch of purposes. It helps your meta/reflective cognition process the anticipation/anxiety as an explicit mechanism over which you have a choice, and build an understanding of whether it is a worthwhile expenditure of energy. Almost certainly you will arrive at the understanding- not an intellectual understanding, but an experiential one, because you experienced the fear, and the reality, and you reflected on it- arrive at the experiential understanding that this is not a good use of energy, and at that you will feel tremendous relief. Next morning when you are presented with the option of opening emails, you will recall this experience that the anxiety juice was not worth the squeeze, and it will be easier.
- hpark0011 1y ago
  Thanks for your insight. After reading this I dug into the concept of leaning into the emotion and found some interesting materials. Haven't really thought of this way.
ednite 1y ago
Apologies for the long reply, but I hope something in here helps. I think it's a good sign that you're reaching out for help and advice. That shows a level of self-awareness that’s important when dealing with burnout. Of course, I’d strongly recommend speaking with a medical professional or therapist, especially if it starts affecting your day-to-day functioning. But I’ll share what helped me personally. I went through burnout after working nonstop on a project for over six months, only for it to be shut down two weeks before launch, for reasons completely beyond my control. It hit me hard, but I didn’t realize it right away. It crept in slowly, a lack of focus, no motivation, no excitement, just a kind of numb disengagement. Here’s what helped me: Acknowledging what I was going through was the first real step forward. Just putting a name to the experience gave me a bit of clarity. I started reading books about stress, burnout, and anxiety. Not because one book had all the answers, but because the act of engaging with helpful material gave me structure and a sense of progress. I also read lots of fiction to change my mindset. I talked to close friends and family. Just expressing how I felt, especially about the project, helped release some of the pressure. I experimented with small activities that felt even slightly interesting. That varied day by day. Some days I journaled, other days I took longer dog walks or spent more time at the gym. Recovery wasn’t linear. It wasn’t fast. But creating space to decompress and explore what helped me, even in small ways, eventually got me going again. One important thing I learned is that burnout doesn’t go away with a single solution. It’s not like taking a pill for a headache. It took time, reflection, and consistent self-care. For some, professional support may also be a key part of that. So my best advice is: Don’t pressure yourself to “fix” it overnight. Stay aware, try things that feel nourishing, and don’t hesitate to ask for help. Of course, everyone’s experience is different. If it feels overwhelming or doesn’t improve, definitely reach out to a mental health professional. You don’t have to figure this out alone, support is out there. Sincerely hope this helped.
- hpark0011 1y ago
  Hey thanks for sharing your experience and giving thoughtful advice. This definitely helps.
gregorvand 1y ago
Set up filters for any specific senders you feel are going to be the likely cause of stress. These filters should virtually hide the email from you, not even a visible label with an unread counter. It's funny how, as a wise phrase I've heard before, "nothing is ever as good or as bad as it seems" After a few weeks of whoever might have emailed you, but you didn't see it, or maybe they never emailed? But at least you can continue your life and still see messages that probably matter. Email sucks in this way, it's hard to fully ignore it, but you can fully ignore certain senders - which I have absolutely had to do in the past. Time + the above strategy will really help, I think. -- Disclaimer, I work on 'better' email products.
- hpark0011 1y ago
  I've tried filters and tags but the anxiety happens prior to opening up email. It's similar to waiting in the waiting room in the hospital. Having said that, I'm reminded of this dentist that used to have a comic book in the waiting room and I used to really enjoy going to the dentist because of the comic book. Maybe if the act of opening the email feels joyful people with email anxiety can enjoy the email more?
  - gregorvand 1y ago
    Well it's not a comic book, but we have been trying to totally rewire the email experience to be enjoyable. We learned from a lot of users that often the tone of emails gets them down, so our 'digests' effectively show you the important parts of the email, without any of the tone of the sender that may be the underlying issue. The product is https://wyntk.ai https://wyntk.ai. Feel free to ping me gv@wyntk.ai for an invite.

5 points by hpark0011 1y ago

codingdave 1y ago

I sometimes get the same anxiety, but have learned to set boundaries, specifically, saying "No.". If someone asks you to do something, default to "No", unless you actually want to take on the task. After all, if your responsibilities are wound down, then no email can obligate you. You can only volunteer to take on an obligation. It is all in your control.

hpark0011 1y ago
Yes and lately I just learned to not even reply and just tell important people around me that I don't reply to email unless it is absolutely necessary for me to respond.

sherdil2022 1y ago

THC (legal in many states in the USA) works for some. Your mileage may vary.

jonahbenton 1y ago

Identifying and writing about it is a good first step. Some people need to talk these things through (with a therapist), or talk and practice behaviors (CBT), some people can write it out. For me, writing out the anticipated experience makes material changes in my processing. It works kind of like this: Follow the thread you started here and journal about the anticipatory experience. Use your imagination and write about it until you don't have any more words. Get yourself to feel the fear more directly than just anxiety, and lean into the fear, feel it, let it inhabit you. Once you are feeling the fear, actually opening an email will not be a challenge, because you are already in a place where it feels like the worst has happened. Maybe the email(s) match your anticipation, most likely not, but nevertheless there likely is something to process from the email, to work through your reaction as to whether there is an obligation. Continue to journal about this. Take all day if you have to. The process of getting it out as words serves a bunch of purposes. It helps your meta/reflective cognition process the anticipation/anxiety as an explicit mechanism over which you have a choice, and build an understanding of whether it is a worthwhile expenditure of energy. Almost certainly you will arrive at the understanding- not an intellectual understanding, but an experiential one, because you experienced the fear, and the reality, and you reflected on it- arrive at the experiential understanding that this is not a good use of energy, and at that you will feel tremendous relief. Next morning when you are presented with the option of opening emails, you will recall this experience that the anxiety juice was not worth the squeeze, and it will be easier.

hpark0011 1y ago
Thanks for your insight. After reading this I dug into the concept of leaning into the emotion and found some interesting materials. Haven't really thought of this way.

ednite 1y ago

Apologies for the long reply, but I hope something in here helps. I think it's a good sign that you're reaching out for help and advice. That shows a level of self-awareness that’s important when dealing with burnout. Of course, I’d strongly recommend speaking with a medical professional or therapist, especially if it starts affecting your day-to-day functioning. But I’ll share what helped me personally. I went through burnout after working nonstop on a project for over six months, only for it to be shut down two weeks before launch, for reasons completely beyond my control. It hit me hard, but I didn’t realize it right away. It crept in slowly, a lack of focus, no motivation, no excitement, just a kind of numb disengagement. Here’s what helped me: Acknowledging what I was going through was the first real step forward. Just putting a name to the experience gave me a bit of clarity. I started reading books about stress, burnout, and anxiety. Not because one book had all the answers, but because the act of engaging with helpful material gave me structure and a sense of progress. I also read lots of fiction to change my mindset. I talked to close friends and family. Just expressing how I felt, especially about the project, helped release some of the pressure. I experimented with small activities that felt even slightly interesting. That varied day by day. Some days I journaled, other days I took longer dog walks or spent more time at the gym. Recovery wasn’t linear. It wasn’t fast. But creating space to decompress and explore what helped me, even in small ways, eventually got me going again. One important thing I learned is that burnout doesn’t go away with a single solution. It’s not like taking a pill for a headache. It took time, reflection, and consistent self-care. For some, professional support may also be a key part of that. So my best advice is: Don’t pressure yourself to “fix” it overnight. Stay aware, try things that feel nourishing, and don’t hesitate to ask for help. Of course, everyone’s experience is different. If it feels overwhelming or doesn’t improve, definitely reach out to a mental health professional. You don’t have to figure this out alone, support is out there. Sincerely hope this helped.

hpark0011 1y ago
Hey thanks for sharing your experience and giving thoughtful advice. This definitely helps.

gregorvand 1y ago

Set up filters for any specific senders you feel are going to be the likely cause of stress. These filters should virtually hide the email from you, not even a visible label with an unread counter. It's funny how, as a wise phrase I've heard before, "nothing is ever as good or as bad as it seems" After a few weeks of whoever might have emailed you, but you didn't see it, or maybe they never emailed? But at least you can continue your life and still see messages that probably matter. Email sucks in this way, it's hard to fully ignore it, but you can fully ignore certain senders - which I have absolutely had to do in the past. Time + the above strategy will really help, I think. -- Disclaimer, I work on 'better' email products.

hpark0011 1y ago
I've tried filters and tags but the anxiety happens prior to opening up email. It's similar to waiting in the waiting room in the hospital. Having said that, I'm reminded of this dentist that used to have a comic book in the waiting room and I used to really enjoy going to the dentist because of the comic book. Maybe if the act of opening the email feels joyful people with email anxiety can enjoy the email more?
- gregorvand 1y ago
  Well it's not a comic book, but we have been trying to totally rewire the email experience to be enjoyable. We learned from a lot of users that often the tone of emails gets them down, so our 'digests' effectively show you the important parts of the email, without any of the tone of the sender that may be the underlying issue. The product is https://wyntk.ai https://wyntk.ai. Feel free to ping me gv@wyntk.ai for an invite.